When Jake called on Thursday they had a great conversation, but when he asked her out for Saturday she declined saying she had plans. Jake thought this was odd since they spoke for 20 minutes and she never mentioned anything. When Jake called back on Friday to see if he could talk her into changing her mind, Sarah still declined leading him to believe she was doing something fabulous.
Her real plans? Watching made-for-TV movies on Lifetime with Ben and Jerry, while thinking about Jake. You see, her friends told her to never except a weekend date if the guy asks any later than Wednesday. Additionally, they told her to turn him down and say she’s busy so he will fight harder to be with her. After a couple weeks of Sarah doing everything she was taught, Jake stopped calling. In fact, her friends told her: “He’s a loser. You did everything right. If he really were interested he would have made an effort. Besides, we saw him at the club. It looks like he’s dating someone new.”
First of all, the two things that get women in trouble with relationships are asking for and then taking advice about men from their girlfriends, who can only give suggestions based on their limited experiences (even if one of their high school nicknames was The Big Easy). Second, guys translate the above behaviors to mean only one thing: “Oh, I guess she’s not interested.”
Now, while some “experts” preach that a woman needs to appear busy to keep a guy interested, others state it’s best for a woman to be upfront. The truth is, the answer lies somewhere in between. You don’t want a guy playing games with you, so why waste your time with cat and mouse games playing hard to get?
In reality, it’s not necessary to pretend to be booked so he’ll fight to see you. The key is to actually have a full life doing the things you love doing, which tells a guy you’re not “needy” and you’re not going to make him responsible for your own happiness. In time, a guy will find out if you’re lying or not. So, if your schedule is filled with errands, laundry, working out, going to the salon, and spending time with family and friends, you’re telling the truth when you say you’re busy. And even though it’s tempting to sacrifice your time to be with a new guy, fit him in when you can and let the relationship progress at a steady pace. If he calls, talk with him if you’re free.
So, the moral of the story: If you and a guy are right for each other, the desire to spend time together will be there. If he asks you out, and you’re free, except his invitation - even if it’s Thursday and he’s asking about Saturday. Playing hard to get never works in the long run; you’ll end up hurting yourself and ultimately turning the guy off.
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