No relationship is perfect. No matter how healthy or successful your connection with your partner may be, there will be highs and lows to every relationship. With some work, a lot of balance, and a bit of patience, any relationship can improve and develop, regardless of its current state.
When we talk about raising the vibration of a relationship - we’re specifically talking about improving your specific connection to your partner. Everything in life has a vibration - that’s not just “psychic talk”, that’s physics! Improving the vibration in your relationship literally means bringing about positive change that will impact and benefit you, and your partner, and improve the life you share together.
Evaluating Yourself and Your Relationship
When wanting to improve your relationship, the first thing I tell clients is to evaluate their current partnership. Of course, you can’t speak for your partner - but how do YOU feel the relationship is going? How happy are you in your relationship? What are things that you are concerned about? What do you want to change? In order to improve your relationship, it’s extremely important to break down what, specifically, your relationship looks like, how it functions, and where it needs improvement from your own perspective, but also from a neutral, objective perspective as well.
It’s okay to be extremely specific when breaking down what needs to change or improve because that’s the point. You can’t improve something if you don’t know what’s wrong or where to start. Getting to the “bare bones” of your situation can help isolate and identify any problems or issues that exist between you and your companion. From there it’s finding a solution… be it communicating and working through it verbally, changing habits and old patterns, or working through details that weren’t immediately obvious at the start of your relationship.
Something to take into consideration when evaluating yourself and your relationship is to ensure that you are not making excuses for your own behavior, or for your partner’s behavior. Excuses such as “He gets jealous because he loves me so much” or “I reacted negatively because I’m insecure” aren’t helpful, but actually harmful to your relationship. If you have insecurities, for example, evaluate them! Is your partner actively trying to provoke your insecurities? Do they need to be more understanding in that area, or is there some of your own personal shadow work that needs to be done? You may find that you have your own issues that exist apart from your relationship that need to be resolved. Evaluating yourself, and what you have total control over - can be of huge help when working through issues.
This is where meditation can come in handy!
Meditation can be a huge benefit when it comes to your relationship. It gives you an opportunity to calm your own busy, reactive and conscious mind, opens you up to messages and guidance from intuition, and it can help you control (and further evaluate) your own emotions and feelings in a calm, relaxed state. A regular meditation practice can help you control your own emotions (reducing mood swings, impulsive behavior, etc..), provides your subconscious the quiet it needs to process deeper traumas and emotional issues, and can help you open up, communicate more effectively and connect with others easier.
While meditation is a solo practice, starting with yourself and what you have full control over is a great first step. Similarly, when improving your relationship, it’s essential to take time to improve and evaluate your own self and to identify if there are any problems, issues, or concerns that need to be addressed in your own energy. Shadow work is wonderful for getting to the heart of your own issues, addressing those issues, and resolving problems such as healing from previous relationship trauma, childhood trauma, or residual negative emotions and feelings from past events.
Meditation and shadow work often go hand in hand, so utilizing meditation as a method for improving yourself is a great option. There is no downside to improving and raising your own personal vibration and improving and raising your own vibration will also impact your partner, their vibration, and your relationship vibration as well. Drinking plenty of water, getting moderate exercise, and improving your overall health are great ways of raising your own vibration, but also eliminating bad or unhealthy habits, showing yourself love and attention, and allowing yourself time for relaxation, rejuvenation, and enjoyment are great ways as well. It is much harder to be happy and successful in your relationship if you’re struggling or unhappy with your life in other areas.
Along with meditation, analyzing your emotions by introducing or incorporating shadow work into your regular routine can be helpful, such as exploring why you feel the way you do, and evaluating the real reasons behind your feelings and emotions can be of huge benefit to you and your partner. It’s easy to instinctively get upset in any given situation when things aren’t going well, or when something happens in your relationship, but having a deeper knowledge of the issues behind the emotion will provide more answers in regards to a solution than reacting without taking the time to analyze the situation.
In any situation that comes up where you and your significant other disagree, argue, or otherwise have difficulty, try eliminating your own emotions from the equation and looking at the situation from a completely objective opinion. You may find that your point of view is logical, while your partner’s point of view needs improvement - or vice versa! Having a deeper understanding of your own emotions not only helps you to balance them but helps you control your own actions and your reaction to your emotions.
The more you’re in control of your own energy and emotions, the more balanced the relationship will become. You are half of your relationship, after all! Not to mention, emotions tend to be contagious as well as addictive. Your attitude, and how you feel will directly impact your partner on an emotional, mental, and even a deeper energetic level. Your attitude definitely affects your relationship so it’s important to keep your emotions in check.
Communication is an area where couples frequently struggle. Poor or unclear communication is often the source of many problems and issues within relationships. When improving your relationship, communication is often a good place to focus your attention - both improving your own and helping your partner to open up as well. This is an area where many empaths truly shine! If you’re intuitive or empathic, you’ll find that you actually have an advantage when it comes to communicating. Not only do most highly intuitive and empathic people tend to excel in regard to communication, someone who is intuitive or empathic can pick up on their partner’s energy and use that to know how to communicate with them best based on their energy!
A good example of this is reading your partner’s energy and knowing what their emotions or feelings are without having to ask or inquire. Simply being able to feel your partner’s energy can come in handy, and help you get any point that you want to make across by approaching them accordingly. It’s equally important though, along with expressing your own feelings and emotions in a clear manner, to listen to your partner when they communicate with you.
Most people find it hard to communicate openly and honestly, because they often fear rejection on a deeper level, but also because it can put them in a vulnerable, seemingly exposed position. However, vulnerability is a part of being in a relationship, because relationships revolve around and rely on trust. Listening and taking the time to understand your partner when they open up and start expressing themselves will not only help with encouraging them to open up at that time but to continue expressing themselves openly in the future.
While it may seem like kindergarten stuff when improving your relationship, it is often “back to basics” in a lot of ways. Simple ways of communicating with each other - such as incorporating gratitude (please and thank you) into your daily communications is often extremely helpful, as that can be forgotten and neglected over time. I can’t stress how important and useful apologies can be, so don’t be afraid to own up to your mistakes and say you’re sorry. Relationships have very little room for pride or ego and the importance of being able to take responsibility for your own actions can’t be overstated.
If your partner has a tendency towards negative or lower-vibrational emotions or energy (such as instigating arguments, jealous behavior, manipulative tendencies, etc…) it’s important to not feed or give any energy to that behavior but to calmly and rationally react to the situation as it presents itself. This is why meditation, having control of your emotions and your reactions, and keeping up with your shadow work is a good idea! A good thing to remember in instances like this (where you’re dealing with toxic energy from a partner) is that you cannot change someone else’s behavior or actions, but you can change how you react to them. Take time to process and evaluate your situation before reacting.
In addition, read more and discover the importance of Nonviolent Communication - a mode of communication designed to speak and interact with people in the spirit of compassion and empathy.
Trust and Honesty
Trust is essential in a relationship, almost equal to love in its importance. A relationship relies on trust in order to keep it not only together, but healthy. Consider all your actions, including the ones you do when no one is watching or when your partner is unaware. Are your actions things that would help or hurt/harm your relationship? Are they things that would upset you if your partner behaved the same way? When you’re put in a position of trust, it’s important to honor that to the best of your ability, and the more you do, the more your relationship will improve because of that.
Do you lack trust in your partner for reasons that are out of your partner’s control such as being cheated on in a previous relationship, or being lied to by another person you’re close to? If so, you may need to address your own reasons for your lack of trust (this is another place where shadow work can be helpful). Trust is also something that doesn’t come “naturally.” Trust is built, and maintained through honesty, so trust often takes time to develop. Don’t expect it to form instantly.
Unfortunately, we cannot automatically trust others, especially when it comes to our deepest emotions. However, building trust, which comes with time and with knowing your partner, is essential in any relationship and your relationship cannot survive without it. Try not to doubt your partner without being given a reason to cause that doubt. You can still trust your intuition and your own internal lie detector, but make sure that the voice you’re listening to isn’t one of anxiety and insecurity.
When dealing with issues that arise in a relationship, it can be easy to fall into slightly manipulative tendencies. When you act in a specific way to get a certain response (such as doing something to provoke jealousy, attention-seeking behaviors, or withholding affection to achieve a desired result) you’re manipulating your partner through your own behavior. Acting in a way that contradicts what your true emotions are in order to affect someone else emotionally in an effort to get them to act the way you want them to is unhealthy and can lead to damaging cycles for both parties, in which toxic patterns are repeated continuously damaging your relationship.
It can be easy to fall into manipulative habits even if you’re one of the nicest people in the world. Valuing your partner as an individual (with their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions) and understanding that you cannot control their actions is key when it comes to trust and honesty in your relationship. You’ll find that you have much better results with your partner when being straightforward and honest (through your words AND actions) when dealing with problems or situations that arise, and you won’t be lowering your vibration or your relationship’s vibration in the process.
Manifestation in Your Relationship
We often think of manifestation and the law of attraction as something that we do to improve our own lives, to bring abundance, and to aid and improve our lives, but we often forget to utilize it when it comes to our relationships! Whether you have a ritual or personal technique for manifesting, or if you do it on a whim with simply forming deep intentions, improving your relationship and your relationship’s vibration is definitely possible through manifestation! A key point to remember when manifesting a better relationship with your loved one is to maintain a high, positive mindset about your relationship and your partner even when you’re not actively focusing on manifesting.
Most of us manifest without even knowing it through the thoughts and feelings we experience daily! We operate similarly to giant magnets and attract what we put out! If you focus your attention on the problems with your partner and your relationship and on the things that you dislike, want to change, and have issues with, you’ll find that you may tend to attract more of that same behavior or problem. However, changing your mindset to one where you’re actively visualizing a more positive, healthy, and vibrant relationship, regardless of the current state of your relationship, can actually bring about real, positive change.
If you find yourself visualizing negative interactions or situations with your partner, make sure to notice those thoughts, then consciously turn them into something positive. Visualizing negative scenarios and situations can create problems that aren’t there, but also attract the very thing you fear. Your negative and anxiety-based thoughts are like wild animals - don’t feed them! Positivity towards your relationship will attract more of what you want but can also improve your own emotional state as well.
Another part of manifestation that’s important to remember is gratitude. Gratitude is also essential and extremely helpful in relationships, as gratitude breeds abundance, what you’re grateful for will bring you more! Take a moment to value your partner. Part of improving your relationship is finding the value in it, including what and how much it means to you. A good method of practicing gratitude is to write down the traits or ways that you’re grateful for your partner, not only for the things they do for you or ways they improve your life but for things you value about THEM. What traits do they have that you admire or that make you smile? Finding that gratitude in your partner is an amazing way to improve your relationship’s vibration, as your gratitude will show through your demeanor, your actions, and your attitude.
Expectation vs Reality
When you are involved in a relationship, especially one where you feel a deep connection to your partner, or where you have been together for a significant amount of time, it can be hard to separate your own energy from that of your partner. It’s important to remember, however, that your partner is an individual with their own thoughts, needs, emotions, feelings, and ideas of their own. Don’t expect your partner to suddenly act or behave differently than what you have known and what they have shown you previously. If your partner has issues with expressing themselves or how they feel about you in a relationship (for example), then expecting them to show a grand expression of love, or affection is not likely to occur! It’s important to keep your expectations in regard to your partner centered in reality.
If you’re fantasizing about a fairytale-style relationship or something that you’d find in a romance novel or movie, you may be holding unrealistic expectations for your partner that they may never be able to reach, leaving you both unfulfilled. You can always express your desire for your partner to improve in ways that can improve your connection in your relationship, but accepting your partner as they are, as an individual in your relationship is a key to success. The more you accept and love your partner for who they are, the higher your relationship (and your energies individually) will vibrate!
Something to keep in mind as well is that many people often crave more attention from their partners at various relationship stages. One of the best resolutions for this is to be open and honest with your partner about your expectations and to clearly express your own needs, as well as express your willingness to listen to the needs of your partner.
While you may be in a relationship, you can’t expect your partner to be completely responsible for your happiness, or the sole source of your entertainment and social life. Depending on your partner to provide you with 100% of their attention isn’t realistic. Having your own hobbies, and interests, and being your own person will bring more qualities to your relationship. Your unique self shouldn’t be neglected or sacrificed in a relationship just because your attention might be focused elsewhere, such as on your partner. And remember that being the change you want to see in others is the key to transforming your relationship.
Enjoying Your Relationship Again
All relationships go through difficult periods, and times when connecting with your loved one seems difficult if downright impossible. It can be hard to make time for each other, especially when it comes to conflicting job schedules, or juggling family activities and duties. We all have busy lives but finding quality time with your partner will help your relationship stay strong, and healthy, and help you remain connected to your partner.
Take the time to have fun with your partner and fall in love with them again. Relationships are all about enjoying your partner, enjoying the things that made you want to be with them in the first place, so put the effort into bringing the enjoyment back into your partnership. Participate in activities that both of you enjoy, schedule regular date nights, or make time to engage in each other’s interests! The more effort you put into finding fun and enjoyment together, the more success you’ll find.
The more effort you put into your partner and your relationship, the better the outcome will be. You can improve your relationship’s vibration by any one or a combination of the methods listed above, but the most important factor in your relationship is finding happiness and enjoyment, in yourself, your partner, and your connection.