It can be difficult for some of us to find (and keep) love. Many of us have grown to believe that love is a miracle encounter and that only a lucky few will ever find love. The reality is we are all capable of attracting love. However, we need to learn where not to look and avoid patterns that sabotage healthy love connections.
Allowing ourselves to get involved romantically with the first willing person will not help in the quest for fulfilling love. Instead, getting involved with the first individual who gives us attention can eventually spell disaster and heartbreak. We need to take our time and get to know an individual before assuming they are meant for us romantically.
There are several concrete methods for finding your mate. But first, you need to know what you truly want and desire from a romantic mate. You need to know what you like because love alone is not enough for a healthy and happy relationship. Love can turn into resentment when conflict and miscommunication invade your comfortable home. Relationships are like a happy home that provides us with comfort and especially emotional sanctuary.
When looking for your ideal mate, you need to consider what type of relationship you desire. Here is my handy checklist of six things you should consider before committing to someone:
- Different Cultures. Cultural dynamics are not about race but about beliefs and customs that we as individuals practice due to our upbringing and social conditioning. Keep in mind, even folks from the same race do have different cultures; for example, French and Italians or British and Irish. Many are from the same race yet practice very different traditions and beliefs.
- Spiritual Beliefs. Religious practices can make or break a relationship due to social practices and restrictions.
- Children. For some folks having kids is a deal-breaker. Never assume your partner wants kids or is not open to having kids with you even if they have children from a previous marriage.
- Sexual Needs. Not everyone has the same level of energy or drive for sexual engagement. When people initially meet, their sexual drive is peaked due to the excitement of a new and fresh relationship. However, the libido can drop or increase with time, and you may find yourself wishing for more or less sex, which can contribute to many issues. Incapable sex drives can lead to feelings of rejection, isolation, and cheating as well as trigger sexual PTSD and other physical frustrations.
- Economic Goals. Money is a mood changer, especially when one partner spends more than the other. Unequal financial contributions to household bills, groceries, or entertainment costs can lead to resentment and feelings of being used. Make sure you have an agreement on how household bills or entertainment costs are going to be managed. Never assume the other person understand your views on spending money.
- Entertainment and Activities. When we first meet, there is a certain amount of energy and time spent on amusing each other, which contributes to the idea that we are fun and meant to spend our lives together. Unfortunately, as time moves forward, we get used to each other and forget to have fun. Standard sets in, and we focus on bills, household maintenance, work, and kids and eventually fail to have fun. Make sure you are on the same page when it comes to finding a balance between what has to be done and what you’d rather be doing!
Creating the ideal relationship is essential to go beyond how a person makes us feel since most new encounters do naturally make us feel good. It is the big picture that we need to focus on in terms of what we need and what we require to be fulfilled.