I know there are days you feel like you should start a new life in all areas, especially in the department of long-term commitments, specifically marriage. We tell ourselves we stay because of the kids or other reasons. However, deep down, we often stay because we still love our partners. It may not feel romantic or exciting, but we love our partners in ways that may not always feel exciting.
The great news is that all relationships have the potential of regaining the spark that got you to want to get married in the first place. You may feel like you’re doomed for splitsville or some sad ending, but you have a choice. There are several things you can do to spice up your relationship if it is starting to get stale and monotonous.
Start a Game Plan for Change to Rekindle Love
Before we get started with enhancing tips, you need to identify what you feel the relationship is missing. You must be specific about what you need and want from your partner; otherwise, it will be harder to create a healthy game plan for change. To help you start your enhancement plan, let’s look at things that you may consider mentioning:
- More intimacy – Be specific about what you consider intimacy to be.
- Communication – How often do you want to share things, and what does healthy communication look like for you?
- Fun activities – Consider the things you can share as a couple such as dance lessons, cooking courses, yoga, gardening, etc.
- Dinner time – Food is a great place to combine cooking together, with light conversation; this means no problem-solving topics.
- Sharing home chores – Making your home a place to enjoy begins with keeping things in order. Discuss how you can share this arduous task as a couple.
- Traveling – Talk about trips you can take whether it is just a quick local getaway, a visit to another state or extensive trip to another country. Of course, it needs to be budget friendly.
- Honesty – Communicate with transparency but avoid being brutal or nitpicking.
- Be a united front – It is essential to express that you need to be included in decision-making.
- Consistency – To keep relationship romance working, you need to keep a routine and not just engage with each other for brief periods.
Now, let us look at what can contribute to romance dying.
20 Reasons Romance Fades in Long Term Relationships
- We are doing things, in the beginning, to impress each other and then discontinuing.
- Working long hours and having little energy for anything else.
- Inconsistent intimate moments, meaning sex has died.
- Waiting for the other person to initiate romance.
- Not having equal libido, some couples do not have the same sex drive.
- Separate work schedules cause you to barely see each other.
- Too tired for romance due to doing too much throughout the day.
- Too much fighting over petty things kills the mood for romance.
- Being dishonest and hiding things from each other creates feelings of anger and resentment.
- Too much focus on kids, especially if you let them sleep in the bed with you.
- Listening to the advice of others often creates more conflicts than solutions.
- Hanging out late with friends, family, etc. and not coming home until it’s time to go right to sleep.
- Engaging in separate activities that leave each other out.
- Resentment, jealousy, and anger tend to lead to game playing and punishing each other by withdrawing affection.
- Non-relatives living in the home make it hard to have private time for intimacy.
- Spending habits create a considerable wedge since one person always feels like they are working to maintain the bills while the other person spends, which in turn creates resentment.
- Some individuals have all types of unhealthy habits, such as substance abuse or alcohol abuse which impact libido and performance.
- Infidelity creates a distance and contributes to distrust. This will affect your desires for each other, so it needs addressing and fixing.
- One or both partners no longer engage with each other since they spend long hours gaming.
- Being bored due to routine and not enough fun. You become too comfortable and complacent in your daily schedules and forgot to enjoy each other
Now, let us begin with ideas to reset the romance. I am sure there are some issues not included in the list above. Remember that your goal is to rekindle the romance and not necessarily dwell on what is broken. In truth, regardless of the severity of your problems, you were deeply in love once upon a time.
How to Rekindle a Relationship (or How to Fall in Love Again)
- Back to basics, start with simple plans you both used to enjoy. What did you both do when you first started dating? Can you try some of that again?
- Be honest about what you expect from each other instead of saying what keeps the peace.
- Talk about sex and what you like or want to try.
- If and when possible, live just the two of you, with no relatives or roommates.
- Make dedicated time for each other, beginning with once a week.
- Avoid staying up late since being too tired contributes to killing the romance.
- Pay attention to your physical appearance. Do not neglect basic hygiene such as brushing teeth your before bed, taking a daily shower or bath, etc.
- Start dressing up. It doesn’t have to be fancy but wear clean and nice-looking clothing. Save the more worn-down outfits for the gym.
- Be available to talk over tea or coffee at least once a week.
- If you must fight or disagree on things; avoid fighting in bed.
- Make your bedroom into a sanctuary that is clear of clutter and visual distractions.
- Prepare home meals and focus on cooking together and dining without cell phones or watching TV.
- Start working out since it will improve stamina.
- Buy flowers/gifts or do nice things for each other for no reason.
- Surprise your mate with their favorite meal or dinner place.
- Take them to a movie at least once a month, or if you prefer stream one together at home, but leave the cell phones in another room.
- Give them a greeting card (no, not an email but an actual card on paper you write inside) expressing your appreciation.
- Focus on something you like about them such as their appearance, sense of humor, etc.
- Be patient since changes take time to rebuild.
- When things seem to be slipping back, reset and do not give up.
Regardless of how many tips you try, consistency is critical. Things did not become unromantic overnight. It was a gradual progression as we got busy trying to achieve personal goals. Maintenance is the key to keeping the romance going. Just because you make a few attempts, and start feeling good again, do not stop whatever you are doing. If you go back to old habits, you will slip back into the same old routines that destroyed the spark from the onset.
Yes, it is hard, but unless you want things to become stale, this is what has to happen.