Cheating. A word without positive connotation, that strikes fear in a lover’s heart, that they would lose the one they love.
There are many reasons people cheat, as various as there are people. Some cheating situations can be just the right warning sign of trouble, that wake-up call that causes a couple to re-evaluate their relationship, have an open and honest discussion and re-commit to do the necessary repairs to make them whole again.
Other cheating events can be the catalyst to break up an already unsatisfying relationship that has wound down from disinterest and neglect, resulting in the couple breaking up and finding the person who is right for them.
There are many reasons for cheating, but here are 3 of the big ones:
1) Poor Communication
In a relationship which results in hurt feelings, submerged anger, and a desire for revenge or self-affirmation thru another relationship outside of the commitment, communication, or a lack of, is often to blame. Anger is not expressed, needs are not met and revenge is plotted, rather than requesting open communication or getting a therapist to facilitate this, in an attempt to save the relationship. Or perhaps those requests have fallen on deaf ears.
2) Fear of Emotional Intimacy
Sometimes a person’s family of origin, unfortunately, does not support genuine honesty, mutual support and true sharing, due to addiction or other destructive, issues. This person, in adulthood, often equates love or emotional intimacy with great pain and abandonment. Due to these subconscious fears, this person sabotages the relationship in many ways, one of which is cheating, to create a “distance”.
Sometimes this maneuver results in getting caught, while other times it just forms a secret safety valve where the cheater keeps one foot out the door, never quite involved, with anyone. This usually happens when the emotional intensity of the relationship gets to be too scary and by distancing, this person assures himself that he doesn’t need anyone. With this stance, he can avoid the risk-taking vulnerability that emotional intimacy requires.
Cheating can also be an escape or diversion from harsher, more difficult truths and/or crises going on in a person’s life, be it a painful reality involving a life-passage, a death, job loss, etc. It’s like a flight from what really is, that often creates even more layers of problems when coping thru avoidance.
There is Good News…
And that is, if two people want to work on their relationship, no matter what the cause of the cheating, many (perhaps most,) love relationships can be saved, and sometimes cheating doesn’t even have to happen.
As a psychic and counselor, the subject of cheating lovers, spouses, significant others comes up constantly for me in readings, whether it is in a long term established relationship, marriage or a brand-new romance. We have ALL been thru this at one time or another and no one wants to think of him or herself as part of a triangle.
The Whisper of Doubt
Many things can create that whisper of doubt: too many texts to your guy late at night that he jumps to answer, your gal’s furtive glances at her phone during dinner, as if waiting for that critical message. Too many excuses to stay out of the house, too many weekend plans canceled. Sometimes it almost imperceptible: you just feel that something is out of whack. Your love is not acting like himself, seems distant, distracted, you tell yourself you are being paranoid or that you have always had trust issues due to dad., etc.
How a Psychic Can Help
Relationships are convoluted and difficult, but they can also be the best things in the world. You just want to know that truth.
And this is where I come in.
Using the Tarot and my psychic gifts, what is under the surface, hidden, in a relationship, will easily emerge, including if there is another person in the mix, the underlying reasons for the cheating, what to do about it and where it is all going in the end.
The best way to explain is with a real-life example. All names have been changed of course.
The Story of Jackie and Bob
The following is a situation where cheating was a distraction and a symptom of a much more serious issue that was going on. A client of mine, whom I will give the pseudonym of Jackie, who called me recently, worried about her husband Bob’s behavior. The couple had been married for a long time, she had a great career, kids in grade school and together, they owned a very successful business.
Recently, she told me that she was noticing Bob was coming home late, gone with the guys more often on the weekends. And she was also noticing that they were getting late notices on a bill, here and there, nothing major, but surprising, given that Bob was meticulous about this.
When she would ask him where he had been or why he didn’t pay a certain bill on time, he would blow up at her, which was not like him. Edgy, distracted, moody and gone a lot… not a good combination. But she wanted to check with me before she jumped to any conclusions.
Delving into the Tarot and tuning in psychically as well, I did see another woman, and told her what I saw. Not only did the Queen of Swords come up in the center of the reading, but given that I saw a lot of pentacles around her, I felt it was someone who worked with him at the business.
On Bob’s end, I didn’t feel it was a love match, but if there was anything at all, it was a superficial distraction from other problems Bob might have had. I told Jackie what I saw, then when she gave me a woman’s name about whom she had suspicions, it came up a positive.
I continued the reading and oddly, saw Bob not as a man in an affair, but rather a man who was very fearful and pressured in a very dark situation. I continued to throw the cards, and saw addiction around money, with debts piling up. I asked her if she was aware that her husband ever had a gambling issue or problems with money. With this, she broke down and said that, in the past, he had a problem with gambling, but had it under control for years.
As I continued to read on Bob, I put the pieces together: He had fallen back into his gambling habit again, got over-extended financially to the point that it was affecting the business, their credit and threatened to do serious damage to their lives. Due to the great embarrassment, he was not able to tell his wife, rather continued the merry-go-round, and due to his need to escape the extreme stress of the situation, he ended up in an affair with a co-worker at the office.
I felt that, if Jackie confronted him now, at this critical juncture, that he would be ready to talk about it. I saw that they, as a couple, would be able to work it out, before lasting damage occurred. It took some time for her to get the courage to address all this and she sought some professional help before she did so, at my suggestion.
In the end, they got the help they needed, Bob realized that he couldn’t go it alone, with his addiction, as he had tried to do in the past. Rather he needed continuous help to stay out of trouble and he took the steps to do that. And with all this out in the open, he and Jackie could repair their relationship, making it better than ever. Bob made the decisions needed to get continued professional help, to avoid a relapse. And the other woman was out of the picture and out of their lives.
This above example had a neat ending, but make no mistake, it was very hard work on the part of this great couple. I was very glad that I could be a part of the solution using the Tarot, discovering important, previously uncovered elements, confirming Jackie’s suspicions, developing a strategy and giving her my future view about the outcome of all of this.