Within five minutes of sending Jimmy’s wife, Sarah, a note on Facebook, she called me. I remember the feeling of excitement and anxiety all around Jimmy and myself.
As we talked, she confirmed the details I described: his bad leg, cane, attributes, appearance, demeanor, the fact that he died in an SUV. People claimed he died of suicide, but Sarah and her son never believed it. Ever.
As we chatted, Jimmy showed up. He was emphatic that he, in fact, did not take his own life. He would never do that to Sarah and his children. It’s just not in his loving nature to do something so selfish and he wanted to let her know once and for all.
At this point, I felt all was well. I did my part and Sarah had her confirmation. I was ready to make dinner. However, spirits have their own agenda as I found these words pouring out of my mouth before my earthly brain could stop them…
“He says he’s so sorry for the words he said just before he died. He never meant them. He was tired, exhausted really. There were so many things happening around the marriage that he couldn’t control and he acted purely out of frustration. Again, he is sorry. He loves you. He has always loved you.”
When my earthly senses finally caught up, I squinted my eyes as if the sunlight was directly reaching into them. It hurt to “watch” this unfold. I could only hear Sarah sobbing on the other end of my phone. I asked myself–and Jimmy—what just happened? What did I just do? He seemed calm. I could hear his voice in my head saying, “Don’t think of what you just said. It’s not about you. This is about Sarah and me.”
I let Sarah cry for a bit until I heard her muster the words, “He asked me for a divorce the day before he passed.” Shocked and completely confused I asked her to repeat what she said… and she did.
Apparently, this is why friends would ask her what she was going to do. What would she tell people, as everyone assumed he passed by his own desire. But her love for Jimmy prevailed as well. She truly knew him. And his message came at a pivotal time in her life as she recently was asked out to dinner by a nice man. But her questions, her pain in all its physical and spiritual manifestations confused her and blurred her reasoning. Now, Jimmy released her with his forever love. It was a beautiful moment.
Sarah caught up with me about a month later. She was beginning this new chapter in her life and was able to smile and laugh again. She began a new point of healing.
I will always be grateful for Jimmy.
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