Why Are Relationships Messy? by Jessica C.

Published Date 11/23/2013
Category: Love, Relationships & Family

He probably forgot to take the trash out.

You meet the man (or woman) of your dreams, fall happily in love, and then BAM – reality sets in. Anyone who’s been in a long term relationship understands that it’s not always butterflies and rainbows. 

The early stages of impressing one another and loving every little thing about your partner tend to fade pretty quickly. You’re left wondering how you got where you are, and why you’re fighting over who left their socks in the living room. It doesn’t mean you’re not madly in love anymore. It just means you’re comfortable.

So why does this happen? Why do even the most perfect, happy couples have their blowouts from time to time? 

It has nothing to do with the health of the relationship or whether or not you’re with your soul mate. It’s because you’re not dating yourself. Think about it: each one of us has such unique, quirky, distinguishing characteristics. And you’re not going to agree on everything; it’s simply impossible.

This doesn’t mean that, as humanity, we’re doomed and will never find true happiness in another individual. It just means you’ve got to give a little. 

The most important words of wisdom I can give are:

1. Get comfortable with being wrong. It doesn’t mean you’ll never be right but if you’re too stubborn to admit defeat, get ready for a lot of turmoil. A great relationship is one in which both partners understand that there won’t always be a winner and a loser in every argument.

2. Compromise.
If you’re dying to go to an Italian restaurant and he really wants Mexican, don’t let date night turn into a screaming match. Instead of waiting for a stalemate, agree to do one this week and the other the next. Or ditch both ideas, order in, and rent a good movie. The idea is to spend time together, not to get your way.

3. Keep things fresh. If you’re always focusing on the negative, you’ll only feel and think negatively. Send your partner texts when you’re thinking of him. Leave a sexy note in his briefcase. Cook his favorite meal as a surprise one night. The cheesy saying, “it’s the thought that counts” is actually quite true. A little bit goes a long way.

Most importantly, remember why you’re with this person in the first place. Odds are, whatever, you’re arguing about isn’t worth it. And besides, if you were actually dating someone more like yourself, the person would probably drive you more crazy than your partner!

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klh116: What does it mean when a man pulls back says he doesn't know what he wants.. and wants to slow things down.. but prior to that his cards say he is falling in love with you? I am at a lost..

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