When is it Time to Leave?

Published Date 6/27/2015
Category: Love, Relationships & Family

Is it time to move on?

Our advisors have talked to many members over the years that seem to be stuck in unhappy relationships. Although many times there are karmic links that should not be the primary reason to stay or to go.

There are three reasons they tend to hear most which motivate people that are laced with both fear and undue optimism.  

1. Fear of Being Alone
At our core, human beings want to be with other human beings.  Sometimes this natural inclination to be close to people can turn into a fear of being alone or the expectation that you would be lonely if you weren’t in a committed relationship.  

In abusive relationships, the abuser reinforces this fear.  They either tell their partner that they can’t live without them or they insist that their lover would never make it alone.

In relationships that aren’t abusive, some people lack confidence that they could live without a partner. This kind of thinking leads to the idea that it’s better to be with someone you dislike or don’t care deeply about than to be alone. 
Whether you are in an unhappy relationship or single, understand that when you are afraid you give up your personal and spiritual power.  

With focused free will and individual growth, you may come to value a certain amount of time alone.  But first, confront the fear and find out where it’s coming from. Often you have to be brave to realize that there is really nothing to fear.  Take back your power and don’t settle for less than you deserve. 

Sometimes you have to leave a relationship that doesn’t work so that you can find one that does.  Time spent by you, learning to love yourself and enjoy friends and family will be invaluable.
2. Been Together A Long Time
When you have been with someone for years it’s easy to think of this as an investment of time and energy that you can’t get back.  You may begin to think it’s too late to have a relationship with someone else. Because you have history and sometimes children together, you may feel like you don’t have a choice. Often people stay where they are and are miserable, just because that’s all they know.

Time and energy invested is never a good reason to stay.  If there is abuse or long-term infidelity in a relationship, even if you have been together for a long time, it may be time to leave. When physical and mental abuse is a pattern, it is always better to leave the abuser.  If your partner is a serial cheater, this can eat away at your self-esteem.  The trust in a relationship is the heart and source of joy.  The length of time you are in the relationship is just the shell.

Karmic or spiritual conditions in relationships are all about growing and understanding and loving.  The length of time in a relationship is really not important if both parties are miserable.  On a spiritual basis how long, a relationship lasts doesn’t matter.  What matters is what you learn, and are you happy.

As soon as soon as abuse or cheating rears its ugly head all trust in the relationship dies.  Immediate action may save the day.  Both people must be willing to try.  Sometimes it works and the relationship survives.

If you are in an unhappy relationship with no light at the end of the tunnel, staying power is not your greatest asset. If the joy is gone and only the shell remains no one is happy.  Even if you stay together, in the same place, the relationship may be over anyway.

3. Maybe They Will Change
This is the one I hear most often.  Maybe he or she will change.  Perhaps tomorrow they won’t hit me. Maybe next week they will stop cheating. Maybe they will get sober and all will be instantly fixed. Perhaps he will change how he feels or she will change how she acts.

Change is the only constant.  People really do have the capacity to change. The problem is they rarely change in the ways we want them to when we need them to.

Each person has their own path.  In spiritual evolution, we are able to direct change through free will. Every change we make whether they are superficial or long lasting and deep belongs to the person that is changing.  Understand that you can always make positive changes to yourself.  Just as importantly know that you can’t direct a change in someone else. 

The truth is it is never too late.  Every situation is different.  You must decide what direction you want to take your life.  And you are responsible for your own happiness and your own actions.  We can’t control other people even if we love them.
Always remember… the choice is yours!
So if you stay or if you choose to leave understand that you have options. 

Most of the time people have more than one relationship in a lifetime.  If you continue to work on yourself and grow as a person the odds are great that you will meet someone else in the future.  You can find someone that you are more compatible with….someone that you will grow to love and trust.

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