In my experience as both an Advisor and in long-term relationship, this inquiry is completely understandable. The behavior of others, especially those we’re intimately involved with, can be extremely befuddling. “Why has he pulled away?” “What has her so upset?” “When will this change?”
Such questions hover over relationships like ghosts, haunting interactions, giving difficult shape to every exchange. Having a source of insight, a resource that can introduce a new and knowing perspective into these situations can be very helpful. Very, very helpful. So I’m glad folks make use of this service at such times. And I appreciate being able to offer something useful - insight, confirmation, relaxation, relief, something - when I pick up the phone.
But now I want to offer more. I want to offer this: every situation in our lives has something for us. Every situation has something to show, teach or reveal. Whether it be a work exchange, an interaction at the local coffee shop, or an unexpected phone call—everything has come into our lives in order to communicate something with us.
This is especially true for relationships. When, for instance, a partner does not return texts for three days, there is some learning in this. Certainly the first thing we likely want to know is, “What’s up for them? Why the lack of contact?” However, we can then direct our attention a little deeper by asking, “What am I being shown here?”
This is what people are pointing to when they say the universe is communicative or this world is compassionate: we are always being shown what we need to learn. A period of silence in an intimate relationship might, for instance, be an invitation to practice patience. Or assertiveness. Or it might be giving us a chance to step back and reflect, or to relax with uncertainty.
The point is there is always something there to learn. And when you’re on the line with an Advisor you’re engaging someone who is likely able to give you a bit of insight. So the next time you call about a relationship, pause once your initial questions have been answered. Take a deep breath and guide your call—and your life—in another direction by asking, “What’s in this for me?”
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