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Many of us hold on to abusive relationships in spite of the compromises and agony it may cause us. There is a tendency to remain in relationships even when we experience ongoing betrayal, abuse or infidelity. We often forget that it takes two individuals to assemble a working relationship.
We have convinced ourselves that to have love, we need to make sacrifices, which often means we allow abusive types to abuse us, just to maintain the relationship. We have developed such a strong belief in the need to remain, that we often convince ourselves that we will never ever find anyone who will love us.
What is Gaslighting?
This often leads us to believe that the relationship is not working because of something we are doing wrong or lacking. Our tendency to blame ourselves for relationship failures comes from being with abusive partners who make us feel solely responsible for anything that goes wrong. Our partners manage to convince us that we are the reason things are not working through an abusive process called gaslighting.
Understanding Gaslighting
To help you recognize the signs of gaslighting, review the following list:
1. You believe that their bad mood is always due to your behavior.
2. You are constantly in fear that you will upset them.
3. There is a tendency to doubt your gut and logic.
4. They criticize your weight or appearance in a very subtle way, always saying they do it for your own good. This behavior makes you feel ugly and at the same time lucky they still keep you around.
5. Whenever you complain or make any request, they accuse you of being demanding or unreasonable.
6. You are afraid to confront abusive or inappropriate treatment because there is a tendency to blame you for their behaviors.
7. They have an uncanny way of blaming anything that goes wrong in the relationship on you, including their tendencies to cheat, lie or behave abusively.
8. They claim to be justified in their behaviors since you are not meeting their needs or behaving like they expect you to behave.
Relationships Take More Than One Person
When you have experienced abuse and long-term gaslighting, after a while, you become convinced that everything that is failing is your fault. You truly forget that it takes two individuals to make a relationship work and therefore if things are failing it’s because of you. Keep in mind that no matter what occurs in a relationship, it takes two individuals to make it work.
The moment you begin to realize that you are not the only person who has to change, you will become empowered and able to recognize that you do not need to settle and subject yourself to eternal abuse, because love is not based on unloving treatment, emotional abuse or gaslighting.
If you feel you are a victim of gaslighting in your relationship, please consult one of the gifted Psychic Advisors at Psychic Source and we can look further at your situation and offer help and guidance on next steps and actions.