My girls this one is for you! How hard is it shopping online for a man? How tired do you ladies get sometimes juggling two or three dating websites at a time? All that weeding thru the duds trying to find “Mr. Right.” Getting so tired sometimes settling for “Mr. Kind of OK?” or “Mr. Please Don't be a Creeper?” or the dreaded “Mr. Oh No I'm Going to Have to Change my Phone Number… Again!”
It’s frustrating, you give up for months at a time thinking all the good fish are either dead, taken or that the pond is flooded with toxic waste. You always go back though because there is no magical place to look. You've tried everywhere to find that special someone: Whole Foods, The Mall, Costco, Trader Joe’s. That last one is a bit misleading… I couldn't find anyone named Joe anywhere, let alone to be able to trade him in. I have no idea what The Weather Girls were talking about when they started singing "It’s Raining Men" Where? I look out my window whenever I hear those raindrops and… nothing!
So what’s left for you ladies… uggh, just Online Dating! Oh I have tried to get the sites to allow you to post reviews and star ratings after your dates with these guys just like you do for us after each call (imagine that just for a moment… hee hee) but no one will listen! So I started thinking how can I help? I have read so many of these fish during my readings there must be something I can do so of course I compiled a list of them.
Here is my list of Things You Should Know About Online Dating (and the types of guys you may encounter along the way):
1. THE SERIAL DATER - Oh you must have met him at least once during your online dating journey. He sends you a copy and paste message he sends to all his victims (I mean matches). He says all the right things, he’s so romantic, wants to talk fast, go out even faster. Then BOOM, moves right on to the next one.
2. THE ESCAPED CONVICT - You know this guys he seems like fun, you go out a few times, get close but you can't get him to get any closer. He loves his freedom too much and will just never settle down.
3. THE ADRENALINE JUNKIE - This guy is good at what he does. He hooks a lot of peeps, he's in it for the rush. Every girl is a new challenge. He studies your profile, gives you all of himself, comes on strong until he has you… then he's gone!
4. THE JUGGLER - aka The Player. This guy is good he's a combo of 1, 2 and 3 above. He has all their qualities with a bit of ego attached and loves to juggle 2-5 ladies at a time. Hint: he's a very busy guy.
5. THE TOYS R US KID - Remember the old jingle "I don't want a grow up, cause if I did... I couldn't be a Toys R Us kid!" This guy is ridiculously immature and has major commitment issues. (And if you click here, you will be singing the tune for days lol, sorry!)
6. THE OTHER HALF – No, not your other half. HIS WIFE’S! Usually this one can't text once he's home.
7. MR. UNRELIABLE - This guy can also be a combo. A little bit of him in the others but he's mastered the art of not texting, not following thru. Just a giant NO show.
8. THE HORNDOG - This one is pretty self-explanatory. No dinners and dates here. Just phone sex, sexting and SEX! Oh this guy may possibly leave you with a parting gift since he may sometimes also be known as “Mr. STD!”
9. THE CORNDOG - Sweet but boring, corny with a side of cheese.
10. THE CREEPER - aka The Stalker, aka The Weirdo. This guy is cuckoo for Coco Puffs!
11. THE HOT MESS - This poor soul should not have started dating yet. He’s either recently widowed, recently divorced, or getting over a recent breakup. Don't worry you will hear ALL about it!
12. THE GOOD GUY - Responsible, kind, and loving. You date for a good period of time, then something happens. But you can always look back at least and say "He was a good guy."
13. THE DOUBLE DD - This is a special version of the divorced dad (also known as a DD). He's fine, but the ex-wife and/or the kids… not so great.
14. THE SOUL BUDDY - Speaking of souls, I wrote about these guys in the last article (you didn’t miss it did you? No worries, click here!) He could be anyone on this list but this online dating journey comes with a life lesson.
15. THE SOULMATE - HA! Bet you didn't expect this one. Yes, they do exist on these sites. I promise they really do. Times have changed and soul mates have learned to use online dating sites too. Don’t give up! When the time is right you'll catch the right fish!
Ladies I know there are more than 15 types of guys out there, but I had to end the list somewhere. Please post the types you've experienced in the comments below I'd love to read them. Guys, I want to be fair. You can post your online dating types too if you'd like. Although I’m sure there will be only one… The Perfect Woman, right? (a girl can dream).
My girls, to wrap this up on an important note always remember while Online Dating is easy to make light of, it is also very serious. Be aware of who you are talking to, always arrange your first date in public and let a family member or friend know where you will be and who you are meeting. Be safe and have fun!