Friendships or friends with benefits between men and women have evolved over the years. Where there was some type of boundary or parameter in these relationships, they have now become shady with lots of gray areas so to speak. It is not just seen in colleges or early 20s, but has become very common place throughout the dating community. So, is “friends with benefits” a bad thing? Let’s explore who really benefits in these relationships. 

Women are empowered and are at the top of a lot of food chains -- from CEOs to singles moms that do it all! Good for all of us women that are going out there and holding down jobs, raising kids, being there for family and friends. Nerves of steel, beautiful, confident, and just ready for that evening with some great guy! Instead it turns into a quickie after 11PM (after HE has been out with the buddies drinking in some bar ogling other women WITHOUT inviting HER out) without even any real conversation and kind of leaves the woman feeling a bit flat. She didn’t even get a dinner out of it! Ugh! How did this become okay? Who is getting any respect, admiration, or even completion from this type of behavior? 

So, you think women are being listened to after a quickie? Do you think he is now going to take you out for dinner? Heads up: if he knows that he is getting it so easily, he isn’t going to suddenly step up and treat you to dinner, a movie, flowers, or possibly a phone call!  Sorry for calling a lot of guys out here but… Men have gotten casual sex because it is being HANDED to them! 

Okay it looks like judgment in this article and rightly so! Women have gotten so far in this country as independent beings. We can do what we want with our bodies! We can go to college, we can buy our own property, we have the say-so over our own decisions! If that is the case, we also have the right to allow a man to be with us, to enter us, to cherish us, to love us, to respect us!

When we go away from any relationship boundaries and don’t expect men to really see us, really put effort to chase us, to really hear us, to really embrace us with love, care and tenderness then we are changing the rules emotionally for all involved. There are no winners with friends with benefits! A woman is not empowered, she is not respected. She is just USED… end of story!

You want to be in a relationship that has some staying power. Sorry to sound like my Mom here but don’t give it away for free, make them work for it! Tinder and OkCupid, thank you for setting the precedence for making young girls think they are getting the better deal out of any hookup! 

I am more than aware that people are busy every day of their lives and intimacy can be a challenge in committed relationships. The difference is the conversations, the dinners, the time together feels emotionally happy and strong. Women this is your time to set the ground rules to long term relationships. That way you will be ready and if and when you want to be with a REAL MAN vs. a guy who just thinks he can come and go as he pleases!