In the weeks, or even months, to come there is a sudden shift. First, the texts slow down. You send a text and don’t receive a response for what feels like an eternity. The phone calls only come in once a day instead of morning, afternoon and night. You’re still spending all your spare time together though, so that’s good…right?
Now on your usual dinner/movie night your partner lets you know that they’re going to see a friend they haven’t seen in a while (due to your new relationship). What are you thinking now? Are you questioning this person’s motives, desires or even their loyalty? Are they interested in someone else? Have you done something wrong? The questions in your mind can be endless. You have answered every call and text; there’s been no question that you’re available at a moment’s notice to spend time together. So why are they pulling away like this? This is the deciding moment of the relationship. Your reaction to this can often strengthen the relationship or completely end it.
You have now reached what I like to call Stage 3, where life returns to “normal” while still including the newfound relationship. How you handle your significant other’s transformation at this point may make or break what’s established thus far. The questions you should be asking are: “When is the last time I saw my friends?” “When is the last time I had a good night’s sleep?” “When is the last time I did something just for me?” This is not the end; your partner is not leaving you. This is what happens when couples move forward. You both need to be able to function independently, as well as be reliable partners.
Questioning your significant other’s motives will only make them feel trapped. It’s like saying either they spend every minute with you and forget about their friends, family, work, and hobbies; or lose you. This behavior isn’t what they were attracted to in the first place.
You’ll be upset, nervous and insecure, only inviting negative energy into your relationship. At this point, it’s imperative to encourage your partner to have some “me time” and feel confident in doing so. This will send the message that you’re secure in yourself and the relationship. Of course there will need to be some “balancing” of me time and relationship time, but once you both reach a point of comfort you’ll feel better for it.
You know you have found “the one” when you can both confidently be yourselves independent of, and within, the relationship.