Has this scenario happened to you? You pride yourself on being a “good judge of character” in other words you think you can see the red flags when someone is hiding their true nature and then BAM - they do something that shows their true persona, and you think “how did I not see that coming?”
We have all been there. Later I will share five guidelines that have helped me in deciphering a person’s true nature. But let us start this discussion with first impressions and what exactly defines character.
The Importance of First Impressions
The first impression upon meeting someone is often an illusion. Most humans put their best foot forward when meeting someone new. First impressions mean just this - IMPRESSING SOMEONE. Think of a first date, an interview or meeting a group of people for the first time. You are hyper aware of your posture, your dress, your speech, etc. This is all good until that phase passes. The next stage presents itself and often through a difficult or uncomfortable situation.
Let’s use the example of a bottle of fragrance. Have you ever gone to a store to purchase a perfume or cologne? We are first drawn to the bottle’s shape and color. How does it make us feel before we ever smell a note of what is inside? That is one form of a first impression, you have an idea of what you may like about the scent based just on how it’s initially presented to you on the surface. But let’s dive in deeper.
Fragrance has 3 notes. The top note, the middle note, and the base note. I once worked in the fragrance industry, so I think this will be a wonderful analogy here, so please hear me out!
The top note of a fragrance is our true first impression. It lingers in the air for about 5 to 15 minutes. Those first minutes of meeting someone is sending all the information we are gathering to our brains: the way a person looks, their physical appearance, the way they are dressed and carry themselves, also the way they speak and the tone of their voice.
Next we arrive at the middle note. This aroma or middle note lasts from about 20 to 60 minutes. The top note or first impression fades away and this middle note emerges. If we were to use this metaphor for people, this would be all the mannerisms of someone. Eye contact (or lack of), body language cues, the way they speak to others in the room, etc. We will explore these further below
And finally, we arrive at the base note. The base note of a fragrance is the LASTING fragrance that lingers on one’s skin. This is about 6 hours and on and is the true core of an aroma. It could not exist without the top and the middle, it is an intricate and complex set of ingredients that make up a fragrance, just like people!
The base note in this example for people would be their true character. This can be seen for what it really is over a period of time. As in the fragrance correlation, you should always walk around a bit and then take in the fragrance again, before coming to your final thoughts on the fragrance.
Remember to take the time to assess your interactions with people and you will get a better gauge if they fall into the friend or foe category, and you will determine if you are a good judge of character of a bad judge of character. Just like a fragrance evolves as you wear it, so do people and it takes a little time to judge someone’s true character and personality.
The Meaning of Character
A person’s character is a trait that is somewhat constant and is generally not affected by circumstances. Imagine someone’s character as a necklace or ring, that they are always wearing.
Here are 4 human character traits to observe:
Humility - Are they humble in tone and speech? Do they brag or boast about themselves? Does it overshadow a conversation? The desire to show others you are better than them can show signs of unhealthy insecurities, jealousy and even self-absorption.
Gossip - Be careful with this one! People who belittle and speak in a condescending manner of others is a red flag that screams if they are speaking of OTHERS in this unkind way how will they speak of ME?
Reliability - Do they respond to texts, emails, or calls in a timely manner? Do they value your time by being on time? Do they honor the space in the room, giving others a chance to talk or are they more concerned with their time to speak or their time schedule?
Accountability - Do they have the ability to apologize? Do they own their mistakes and shortcomings or is it always someone else’s fault? The act of saying you are sorry for causing hurt feelings or misunderstandings is a good character trait.
So, in a nutshell, we would want to see a fair amount of GOOD CHARACTER TRAITS in a person. Honesty, kindness, compassion, fairness, and morals all help define the meaning of character to name a few.
Back to my earlier example about the fragrance. Now you approach the new fragrance bottle and let the initial aromas settle in. Regarding a person’s character, this includes how they greet you, if they make eye contact, how they carry themselves and present themselves.
Then I continue my interaction with the new person. I see how the conversation flows. Is it easy or strained? Do I feel comfortable or uneasy? I revisit the aroma and see how I am feeling.
Finally, take in that base note! Here is where I observe my new person! Do I see those good healthy character traits being displayed to me and others around them? Give it some time but make sure you keep looking for the indicators that show a good, kind human.
Discover Your True, Authentic Self
Finally, as promised earlier, here are my 5 guidelines that can help decipher someone’s authentic self.
Listen To Your Body "Sensations"
How is your body feeling around this person? How do you feel AFTER you have contact with them? Feeling energized or happy is wonderful, but if you feel depleted or ignored take heed. Tune into your intuition - if something “feels off” it usually is. Take the moment of stillness to focus in on this feeling if it occurs.
When it comes to body language, how are they physically interacting with you? Are they giving you eye contact and nodding in approval or leaning in? Try not to put too much emphasis on eye contact alone. Sometimes eye contact can be scary to some individuals. Aggressiveness in touch can present itself in a forced hug or uncomfortable touch. ANY touch that makes you feel uncomfortable, lingering handshakes or invading your personal space are all examples of this.
Are they using judgmental or “ugly” speech? Do they use foul, outdated language or know when cursing is “appropriate”? Constant interruptions and dismissal of other’s opinions are also wake up calls. A good way to judge someone is to determine how they speak to wait staff or other people in the service industry.
Also, how do they describe past relationships (either regarding love or their career)? If it is not respectful, take note - this is not a good character trait! Watch out for flattery, it is often false and used for only their gain. Praise on the other hand is the solid foundation of great character of a person!
Are they able to open up and disclose struggles they encounter? This is a sign of an individual who is able to let down the perceived perfection and thus a positive character trait. Disclosing a similar life experience that shows a struggle can exhibit a person’s empathy. However, be mindful of the victim mentality or frequent “woe is me” speech, someone repeatedly telling a story to gain sympathy with ill intent is evident by putting the focus on THEM consistently.
This is key. Are they respectful of your time? Are they respectful of your feelings, needs, and wants? Do they include you in gatherings? Are they intrusive and ask too personal questions that make you feel uncomfortable? If you are not given the space to be respected, this is a warning sign of future “how did I not see this coming!” incidents like discussed above.
I have found if I become aware of the above guidelines, I can confidently discern someone’s true character. If you practice these suggestions, it will become second nature and you won’t even have to think about it!
There are many ways people communicate and show not only their love but their authentic selves. Their actions speak louder than words as they say. Be patient with people yet be aware of their communication style. If your body starts to feel uneasy and you are seeing red flags EVEN if they are saying the words you want to hear, USE CAUTION! This person is not who they are professing to be. Proceed with awareness and you will be able to make decisions around and regarding this person’s character quite easily!
Don’t forget you can always contact a Psychic Advisor at Psychic Source who can help with additional insight.