JoAnne recently asked: “Why does he push me away when I’m only trying to tell him what a great guy he is and remind him that I care?”
When women sense that their guy is down in the dumps it’s nearly impossible for them to just “let things be,” especially when their nurturing instincts kick in. They want to fix the situation. However, in order to “fix things,” they feel the need to understand all underlying circumstances surrounding the situation—so they end up asking lots and lots of questions.
When women feel down they want to be hugged, consoled and given the opportunity to talk about their feelings. This is how they talk their girlfriends out of miserable situations and it always seems to work for them. So it should work for men too, right?
Not quite. Men are not wired like women. Despite a woman’s noble intentions to cheer a guy up, believe me, he doesn’t want to be hugged, consoled or given a chance to talk about his feelings. He wants to retreat, be given his space and simply be left alone.
However, despite a guy’s persistence on needing and wanting space, women often ignore his requests. Why? Many women find it difficult to fight the urge to smother their guy with affection—but not for the reason you may think. It’s because they don’t like feeling neglected, ignored, or left in the dark (regardless of what their guy may be going through).
At the same time, when a guy’s feeling miserable and he’s forced into a conversation, he’ll often talk negatively about himself. When this happens most women jump in and start reminding him that he’s a great guy. This only makes things worse. Here’s why: If a guy doesn’t like something that’s going on in his life, he doesn’t like himself. If he doesn’t like himself he can’t like (let alone love) anyone else at that time. He sees himself as a loser.
Now, if his gal starts telling him he’s a great guy, she’s telling him the complete opposite of what he’s feeling. He’ll get frustrated thinking, “Oh, so what you’re saying is that I’m wrong. I guess my feelings have no relevance or meaning.”
Moral of the story: Contrary to their intuitive beliefs, when a woman listens and gives a guy the space he’s asking for, he’ll come and open up to her once he’s processed his situation. If he’s down on himself, let him be. Whatever kind words may be said, they may end up doing more harm than good. So, if he wants to be left alone, leave him alone.
by Arthur x8237