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Has he told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship?
Frank and Sharon have known each other for over a year. While Frank says he doesn’t want a relationship, he still keeps coming around. They laugh all the time. They have great sex and have so much in common. Sharon feels they are perfect together. She tells her friends she knows Frank feels the same because of the way he looks at her. Yet, Sharon is baffled. Surely she can change his mind about wanting to be in a relationship. Surely he will thank her for it later. She knows they belong together. Now if only Sharon could make Frank realize it. At the same time, Sharon’s friends are worried. She walks around half alive. She doesn’t laugh and smile like she used to. She seems preoccupied devising plans to get Frank to want a relationship he says he doesn’t want. When Sharon even mentions the word “relationship,” Frank reminds her, “I told you I don’t want to be in a relationship. Why spoil what we have?”
Okay, so here’s what just happened:
Unfortunately, there are men out there who say they don’t want to be in a relationship, but keep coming around knowing women will take that as confirmation that he really wants to be with her. By doing this he gets to sleep with her and not feel guilty. At the same time, if the woman starts to question him, he can easily say, “I told you I didn’t want a relationship.” This is even worse than “friends with benefits,” since the guy is actually leading the woman on and using her.
In our scenario, Sharon needs to take Frank at his word. So, how do you take a man at his word?
1. If a guy says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship, do not return his calls, texts or emails. If he says, “This doesn’t mean we can’t still be friends,” ah, yes, it does! It may hurt, but you will get over it.
2. Do not sleep with him “one more time.” Why reward him for bad behavior? It may make you feel needed at that moment; however, you will feel even worse the next day.
3. Be social, which doesn’t always mean going to a bar to meet people. Go to a museum, the mall; sign up to do volunteer work. The idea is to fill the days with healing activities that make you happy and bring new people into your life. Besides, the more people you meet the better the chances of being introduced to Mr. Right… as opposed to Mr. Right For The Moment.
4. If you bump into Mr. I Don’t Want A Relationship, walk – don’t run – but keep moving! He was not available to you. You are no longer available to him.
So, the moral of the story: When a guy says he doesn’t want to be in a relationship – he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Period.