His Side of Things: Psychic Arthur on "Suddenly Distant"

Michelle and Daniel have been dating with great success for several months. Everything has been going great; however, Michelle noticed that he’s suddenly been calling less frequently and, when he does call, he cuts the conversation short. She has also been feeling there is no urgency on his part to spend time with her. When Michelle confronted him about his sudden change in behavior he said he didn’t know what she was talking about. Angry and upset, Michelle started asking if he was dumping her and seeing someone else. When Daniel tried to reassure her that he’s just been busy, Michelle said maybe they should stop seeing one another if he’s not going to give her “the time of day.” Frustrated, Daniel replied: “Maybe you’re right.” He stopped calling and has not responded to her emails, texts and voice messages.

 

Okay, here’s what just happened. 

 

First of all, when a man pulls away or says he needs space, nine times out of nine what is troubling him has little to do with the relationship! However, most women’s first instinct is to find a way to draw him back and resort to words in attempts to do this. She may ask him "what's wrong" and question him if it's her or not or what did she do wrong. She wants answers. She wants to fix things. This is probably about the worst thing she can do. 

 

When men pull away, they are processing. Any interference leads him to believe the gal really doesn’t trust him to make his own decisions. It can also paint her in an unflattering light (aka “needy” “drama queen” “emotional wreck”) and tells him he is also responsible for her happiness. Being responsible for her happiness is then added pressure onto whatever he’s going through. 

 

Now, if the guy is questioning the relationship and his possible loss of his freedom to begin with, this type of behavior reinforces him to pull away completely or end the relationship. 

 

So, the moral of the story: When your man becomes suddenly distant, less is more. Don’t offer comfort or reassurance. He has a mother for that. Yes, it may feel uncomfortable, but for now do nothing. Wait it out and trust that he can solve his problems on his own. Also, remember you’re in the relationship for the long haul, and it’s not about instant gratification.