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His Side of Things: How to Make a Man Listen to You by Psychic Arthur

Date 4/2/2021
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Feel like you're talking to a wall? You can easily open the lines of communication.

Feel like you're talking to a wall? You can easily open the lines of communication.

One of the most universal complaints that women seem to have is that men don’t hear them when they communicate what they want. Since you can’t physically force your guy to listen (there are laws against that), there are some things you can actually say that will support his listening and understanding your needs. And then best of all, he’ll most likely follow through. 

Ever hear the expression “It’s not what you say, but it’s how you say it?” Well, telling a guy what he’s NOT doing is NOT going to get him to do it. For example, saying, “You never call” is not going to get a guy to call you any more than he already is. 

Here’s why:
“The brain basically registers the last three words it hears when someone says something,” explains Robert Jameson, author of The Keys To Joy-Filled Living. “So, if someone says: ‘You don’t call me’ or ‘You never call,’ the last words the subconscious brain hears is: ‘Don’t call me,’ or ‘You, never call!’ This is why a little kid will put their foot in their mouth after a parent says: ‘Don’t put your foot in your mouth.’ Their little subconscious brain hears: ‘In your mouth,’ to which the little kid responds with: “Okay!”

So, if you find yourself using words like “don’t” or “never” while trying to explain to your guy what you want/need from him, stop, look and listen! This will shut a guy down and make him not want to listen. First of all, when a guy hears “You don’t” or “You never” he interprets it to mean that you are scolding him. He already has a mom for that. Plus, if he doesn’t listen to what his mom says, why would he listen to you? Second, you want to avoid negative trigger words because these disapproving words are usually followed by what you actually want your guy to do. Remember that “last three words” thing?

Now, turning an off-putting statement into a positive statement is actually quite simple. Instead of: “You don’t call me” or “You never call,” try saying: “I really enjoy when you call me.”  Get it? He now hears: “You call me.” Note: Yelling this statement out of anger isn’t going to accomplish what you want, so use it during a light-hearted conversation—preferably when your guy has actually called you. He’ll interpret your positive statement to mean that he just did something right, something that you enjoyed, and something that made you happy. (And if you believe that all men are dogs, then you just patted him on the head, while praising him, “good boy!”) Believe me, he’ll want to do it again—even if he does think it’s his own idea. 

So, the moral of the story: Use the right words at the right time to feel heard and understood. It’s a challenge we all face in relationships. But here’s a key: Want a positive result? Use a positive approach… it works! 

Trying to understand your guy? Ask a guy! Besides, I really enjoy when you call me.
Author's Photo by Arthur x8237

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