Discovering that your partner cheated shakes the foundations of everything you thought your relationship was built on. For many, it's a deal-breaker and signals the end of a marriage or relationship. Whether you decide to stay or leave, healing after an affair is a long and painful process. Here's how to start the recovery and find healing in the aftermath.
Surviving the Shock
When you first learn of an affair, it sends you on an emotional roller coaster of shock, numbness, grief, and depression. You spend sleepless nights trying to figure out what went wrong. Don't make any major life-changing decisions when you're in the middle of the meltdown. Instead, concentrate on stabilizing yourself. Make sure you're eating and sleeping properly. You can't make sensible or rational decisions when your body and mind are depleted.
Get Honest About the Relationship
Affairs rarely happen for no reason. It's often an indication that something's amiss in the relationship. Is there poor communication? Was the cheating spouse craving attention and intimacy that's lacking in the relationship? Seeing a marriage counselor or a love psychic can help you get to the root of the issue. This is not a one-sided matter. To fix what's wrong, both parties need to participate. If the cheating partner is reluctant to work on the relationship, your only alternative may be to end it.
Feel the Pain, Don't Bury It
In today's instant world, many feel pressured to quickly recover from hurt, loss, and grief. Don't give in to pressure to "get over it." It's OK to feel sad, angry and hurt. You'll even find yourself filled with self-doubt and questioning your worth. When someone has cheated on you, all these emotions are normal. An important step in healing is to feel the pain rather than suppress it. Unresolved emotions are like a volcano — simmering beneath, only to erupt when you least expect it. It's better to deal with emotions now rather than later. Going through the pain helps you heal faster.
An affair doesn't always mean the end of a relationship. Many couples survive an affair and come out of it much stronger. For that to happen, both parties need to make an effort. The offender must acknowledge and validate the hurt feelings of their partner and work hard to reestablish trust. This could mean allowing their partner to check their phone daily, for example. If they are not willing to take steps to reassure you, see it as a red flag. However, remember that you also play a role in rebuilding trust. You need to let go of anger and be open to trusting your partner again. This is a difficult step. If you're unsure, a love tarot reading may help guide you.
Healing after an affair takes time. Most experts agree that it takes couples at least two years to fully recover from the devastating effects of infidelity. If the relationship can't be saved, the act of letting it go is already a big step toward healing.