Most people play the “blame game” in which individuals or groups attempt to assign blame to each other when they encounter problems or any form of failure. In Psychology, blame is observed as a psychological projection that acts as a defense mechanism to protect ourselves by using others as scapegoats. Blame can play havoc in individual and personal relationships, especially when it is important to preserve our own self-esteem by being right or justified in our actions. Blame is also a form of emotional avoidance to bypass difficult feelings like shame, guilt, anxiety, inadequacy, sadness, feeling overwhelmed, or disappointment.
The “I blame you, and you blame…” is an uncomplicated way out instead of taking proper actions to work together to create positive changes and behaviors. Relationships are the best training school in life as it acts as a mirror and gives people the opportunity to gain experience and grow from one another. Every connection is unique, divinely orchestrated for internal and external growth, or for some, it might be a lesson to be learned or a cycle that was released karmically.
Blame in relationships can be seen as very superficial, but it affects every part of our being. Blame is more ego focused, and an extremely easy pattern we bring into our lives. It is always easier to blame others than to take responsibility or accept accountability for our own actions. From personal experience, age and beliefs or values often create the starting point of blame when a partner does not reflect our beliefs, values, or views.
Blame Interferes with True Self-Worth and Self-Empowerment
When we blame others for our actions like anger, we give away our own power and enhance our senses of victimhood which creates an unhealthy cycle of helplessness that constricts self-reflection.
Blame can manifest in the form of:
- Blaming a partner for their mistakes.
- Blaming a partner for their actions.
- Blaming a partner for their beliefs.
- Blaming a partner for their values.
- Blaming a partner for their views.
- Blaming a partner for miscommunication.
- Blaming a partner which manifests as emotional abuse and victimhood.
Blame Creates Unhealthy and Narcissistic Relationships
When we observe the energy of blame, we can easily see how this can quickly manifest and create narcissistic relationships. As we enter a relationship, we need to acknowledge our similarities and differences. We become so overconsumed by the magnetism of a connection that we do not acknowledge or see the shadow side of a person. Blame can easily manifest when we least expect it, but the tell-tale signs are there right from the beginning, so always pay attention to the red flags showing up.
Mirror of Blame in Relationships
In relationships, we so easily blame ourselves for our partner’s weakness and shortages. We often look at ourselves and feel we need to change, maybe if we change our appearance the person will love us more or suddenly step up to show more commitment. Mentally as our partner struggles, we take it on ourselves to make changes, yet it never works or lasts. Our blame can only be one-sided, as we cannot act for another. In this space of realization, one can see that we either accept the person for who they are or walk away.
5 Signs of Blame
- Feeling small or unappreciated.
- Judgement that is projected.
- Painful feelings and emotions or feelings of hurt within the relationship.
- Loss of trust equals never feeling good enough no matter what you do.
- Emotional and mental abuse.
Often in relationships, people feel scared and fearful to speak up or to communicate their needs, fear steps in, and instead of creating a pathway of communication they act out of fear and try to make excuses of why a person is not in alignment with them. The fear of loss stops them from stepping up, and they accept the terms of the relationship. Unfortunately, many people choose the easy way out by using Blame instead of using clear communication to change old outdated self-sabotaging patterns, and by not taking proper action they create even more negative cycles which lead to heightened emotional abuse and trauma.
The Path of Blame in Relationships: Drama and Addiction - Victim
In relationships blame can become very toxic, it can also create drama that spirals down into a space of no return. Blame is telling the person what they mirror in you, and what you mirror in them, and is never a supportive pattern. Responsibility or accountability for many is hard, as they are used to the patterns and mental program of habit that is their environment. In a relationship, there is no “I” anymore, it is now “we,” and we must accept the part we play.
If a partner is willing to see their weakness and is willing to change, the energy can easily be shifted, and this creates a stronger connection when both work together to strengthen the connection for the greater good.
In blame, there is no communication, only finger-pointing. However, we at times can create this drama which releases dopamine, which is a good feeling hormone, but it is also a toxic way that becomes addictive, hence why some people love drama. It is a very destructive pattern and makes a person feel inferior. This however is short-lived, hence why the person will always bring in more drama.
In relationships, blame can often manifest into a person feeling like they are a victim. Meaning the person easily feels offended and broken down or verbally abused as they feel that the words are an attack. If the conversation becomes heated, this will only ignite the victimhood that the person experiences. Often in relationships, a person that always plays the accuser will not accept blame and project it back to the victim. This creates a negative connection, one that can lead to deep abuse and destruction.
Blame and Our Solar Plexus
When we start to question ourselves about who we are and accept the blame a partner places on us, then we need to start with our own energy in relationships. If the blame has truth, we need to acknowledge it and make the changes. However, if he does not ring true, then we know that the blame is projected onto us to take on the responsibility and accountability for something that is not ours or does not reflect who we are. Blame can easily be placed on us when we are weak, and when a partner’s solar plexus is bigger than ours, we can easily be consumed by their projections. Have you often walked away saying sorry only to question yourself “why did I say sorry, why did I take the responsibility of accountability for the blame?”
Psychological Blame Starts in Childhood
Blame as a child occurs when we manifest into our world the blame of our parents onto us. If a child felt unloved or not wanted, they often blame themselves due to low self-esteem and attract partners that only recreate the same cycle and pattern due to the energy and frequency we send out. In childhood, it is so important for a child to understand that their parents’ mistakes, shortcomings, and choices have no reflection on them. This is a toxic cycle that showcases itself in adulthood only to lead to destructive relationships that become abusive.
Stress in Relationships
Everyday life stress can place an enormous strain on a relationship. If a partner feels they are pulling the hardest part of supporting their partner financially, emotionally, or mentally, blame can easily step in. In all relationships, a 50/50 rule needs to be implemented to ensure balance within a connection. The relationship needs to be equally beneficial to both, if not blame will step in that will affect the relationship, and lead to a breakup, disconnect, or divorce. We often want the other partner to fulfill the part we are missing, yet they never can only we can change and bring it forth.
How to Change the Pattern of Blame
- Seek help or guidance from a relationship counselor.
- Clear communication or clarity regarding feelings or situations.
- Talk about views, beliefs, and values.
- Break patterns form the beginning of a relationship.
- Stop projecting what we think or want from our partner.
- Take responsibility and accountability for our own actions.
- Work on ourselves which will also reflect in our relationship.
- See the mirror in our relationships and learn from it.
- Take time out if you feel angry or upset.
- Observe the reality, not the fairytale or “happy ever after” ending.
- Walk away from relationships with negative patterns that are narcissistic or abusive.
Blame can often manifest when we do not deal well with our emotions and feelings. As we are not taught how to deal with our emotional side, we often project onto others our views and instead of communicating clearly, we argue to a point where words become toxic and at times, we often create breakups due to this behavior. Hence, why the more we work on ourselves, the stronger we become and stop the cycle of projection.
How to Deal with Blame
- Share with your partner how you feel, always start with “I feel” rather than “You make me feel.” Please do not allow fear in, step in your power, and stand up for yourself.
- Do not apologize for how you feel only for the part you play
- Be open and honest, you will feel elevated and empowered.
- Speak your truth and set healthy boundaries.
- Communicate more effectively.
- Acknowledge your partner’s weaknesses and strengths and work together to change the patterns and habits.
Communication is the mother of healing. Be open and honest from the beginning. Set healthy boundaries and speak up and say your truth. If your partner loves you, they too will want to work and change to bring in healthy boundaries and acknowledge the acceptance of two halves working together to be one. There is forever flow, it all depends on the work we put in, always see it as the yin and yang of balance. We all go through challenging times, yet we can take each challenge and create a victory. It all starts with honesty and truth. Speak your mind and speak your truth but in all connections, if the connection does not elevate you, but breaks you down, then do know it is time to go.
A Balanced Relationship
Blaming others in adulthood stems from childhood, we take this into our relationships and project it onto others. Dealing with blame can often lead to emotional and mental abuse in relationships. Taking responsibility for the part we play is the first step to healing blame and changing the cycle or patterns. Communicate with your partner and create clear boundaries in your relationships from the beginning. This will allow you to bring in a harmonious connection where there is no blame but just respect. Healing steps from when we change the past will allow us to change our future. Inner child healing of blame can change the future and our projections onto others. Relationships need to be balanced, so create the balance from the start.
Psychic Readings for Long-Lasting Changes
So many times, people fail by trying to change old patterns by themselves because they use the same old thought patterns which always result in a repetition of previous shortfalls.
“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking that created them” - Albert Einstein.
Working with a Psychic Advisor allows you to tap into a higher level of consciousness that will activate a new level of thought patterns that will give you a better perspective on how to deal with future problems more effectively. Psychics explore the deeper spiritual connection by tuning into your past, your present, and your future, while simultaneously reading your Auric Field to see what is happening on a spiritual, mental, and emotional level.
When playing the “blame game” it is easy to lose track of who you are and what matters to you, so it is easy to find yourself disconnected from your emotions. A reading with a Psychic can guide you on a journey toward spiritual awakening, helping you to become aware of old limiting beliefs and negative emotions which are holding you back. Psychics can also clear and heal family and ancestral karmic baggage and energetic blockages that were created through old outdated dysfunctional blame patterns. With the help of a Psychic, these negative and irrational patterns can be reversed by breaking the “Blame Cycle” to guarantee conscious and constructive positive changes.
Please connect with me as I can support you to make positive long-lasting changes that will support you in moving your life in the right direction to achieve your dreams. Let me be your guide, as I support you on your beautiful journey through life.