As Long as He, or She, Loves Me by Psychic Stasch

Date 11/17/2018

Is your relationship defined by anxiety, fear and conflict?

Is your relationship defined by anxiety, fear and conflict?

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Healthy relationships demand work. There is no way around it. They require patience, care and sometimes outside professional assistance. As difficult as they may be, there comes a time when a relationship is too strenuous to maintain. They become toxic.

Relationships that endure can handle hard times.
From money matters, to careers to the maturity required to cope successfully with conflict, these issues are confronted. They are not pushed aside or ignored. However, if a relationship is filled only with difficult times, conflict and daily suffering, those are warning signs that permanent separation is the best option.

In Good Times and In Bad
There is a profound difference between a sustainable relationship and a disastrous one. In a relationship with potential to last there is communication, common goals, friendship and connectivity. There may be problems, but both sides are committed to finding solutions, together. 

Relationships that are defined by pain remain that way. If every single day is filled with anxiety, fear, mistrust and conflict, and happiness is brief, these are warnings of problems with no solutions. Even if the physical side works, when everything else is in shambles, an end may not be a possibility, it may be inevitable. 

Some believe that all relationships must accompanied by constant suffering.
Enduring all types of abuse, neglect and deprivations to keep a relationship alive, some see that being the object of scorn is the admission price for having a relationship. Through bad role models, past experience or desperation, long term love is defined by repetitious dangers. Self-sacrifice to the point of being indigent is a salient feature of all love. 

Yet, for some, torture filled relationships are worth it if there is monogamy. If there is fidelity, all the other horrors inflicted can be endured. Even if it requires blinders, the perceived belief of loyalty is enough to make love worth the outrageous price tag. 

There is also the school of thought that even if a relationship is one unrelenting nightmare, love is enough to transform it. The error here is that love is all you need to make it better. If the person you love is abusive, there is no love in world that will change that person, unless they want to change. And change is very difficult, even if it is desired. 

People find better paths because they see the need to do so. Love alone is never enough. There must be the desire to change, support systems, and often professional assistance and in some cases long term therapy to create positive course corrections. When people do make profound changes, their relationships often change as well.

Time Heals All Wounds?
Time can make some things better. Time is the great healer. But, if a relationship is a terrible trek through emotional landmines, time alone is not going to soften the explosions. Unless there is change, deep change, time simply means that the same things will take place, over and over and over again.

The strongest connection that two people have is love
, in all its various shapes and forms. And because of the need for it, there is no cost too high or suffering to extreme to end a bad relationship if it offers love, or even the illusion of it. 

Faced with the reality of a significant other who is difficult, mean spirited and interested in multiple partners, there are some who refuse to walk away thinking they are weak, or there are not enough grounds to leave. It is the “the better to have anyone than be alone” thinking that keeps people tied to relationships that are not just bad, but destructive as well. Losing your self-esteem, dignity and core values are more than enough reasons to leave someone. 

Infidelity is not the only reason to leave a relationship. However, some stay because they refuse to see reality. Others are too scared to face for one brief moment being single. They are so tied to someone at one time saying “I love you” to ever walk away, even for a moment. 

Know When It’s Time To Walk Away
Should someone genuinely love you, but their actions are anything but loving, that does not mean you are required to stay, or “repair” a person either. People are not projects. One cannot take on the role of changing someone if the change is not there to be made in first place. If no one asked to change to help change them, you can be setting yourself up for bitter disappointments. 

Sadly, some relationships do deteriorate over time. They may start out well, but for this reason for that reason, they transform into prisons of emotional anguish. Rather than keep going around in soul draining circles, it is best to sometimes leave to find a more peaceful path.

Relationships, like people, are not perfect.
But, relationships that turn into daily torture are neither healthy nor necessary. Saying good bye to a love past its expiration date means hello to happiness yet to be.

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