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Avoid entanglement with people who are unavailable
Although it should be obvious that dating someone who is already in a committed relationship can only result in heartbreak for one or more of the parties involved, sometimes we only learn from experience. When I get calls from people who are involved with a married person, they usually begin by saying, “This is NOT something I ever thought I would do! But I love him/her so much…” Often they will say, “We can’t choose who we fall in love with,” and perhaps we can’t. But we can choose what to DO about it.
The person you love has made a vow, a lifelong commitment, a promise to their spouse. Now, it is true that YOU did not make that promise, so technically you are not the one violating the oath. However, the one you love has put themselves, and you, in a very difficult situation. In the unlikely event that they have an open marriage (which is extremely rare), or even a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship, the deeper you fall in love, the more you will want that person for your own. Eventually you will tire of being “the other woman” or “the other man.” At that point you will wish that they obtain a divorce, something which they may not be prepared to do, especially if they have children.
The other problem is TRUST. Let’s say the other party does get a divorce. They cheated on their spouse with you, so how do you know they won’t cheat on you as well? You may say, “but we love each other so much! This is totally different.” Is it? Didn’t they believe they loved their spouse like that at one time?
If you are in this situation, my advice is to take a big step back; be a friend, but no more; and pray for the best outcome for everyone. The married parties should seek marriage counseling. If indeed they are headed for divorce, it must be for their own reasons and they should be clear about that. You do not want to be blamed for a family breaking up!