22 Shades of Hazel: My 50 Shades of Grey Story by Psychic Rowen

Published Date 11/28/2013
Category: Love, Relationships & Family

How can you say no to that look?!

Sex and love–two entirely different things that are combined most feverishly when you’re 21, female, and a romantic.  I recently read the first “50 Shades of Grey” and it reminded me of my first relationship in its intensity and perceived “naughtiness.” 

At 21, while I was an avid reader and knew everything I possibly could about sex, I was yet to experience it at all. I was incredibly innocent. So you can imagine my surprise when I found myself fascinated by a rather older man.

It was at the wedding of a dear friend of mine and he was the brother of the bride. He was a beautiful man. Dark hair, lean, with muscular arms and the most amazing hazel eyes I’d ever seen. He was standing alone, smoking, and looking around the room with a sort of detached interest. 

Then his gaze shifted from nonchalance to scorching hunger in a flash when he looked at me—that look was like a punch in the gut. His wide hazel eyes burned with intensity and some dark hidden pain. He walked over to me and started a conversation immediately. To this day, years later, I have no idea what he was saying. His voice spilled over me like a powerful alcoholic drink. And I was hooked. 

Because this is a blog post and not a 300 page novel, I’ll jump to why I decided to write about it…

Once he realized I was a virgin, we spent every free hour of our lives in bed together. He made it clear that he was not interested in a relationship; he actually called himself a “commitment-phobe.” To minimize my romantic attachments to him, he said he was my “teacher” and that he was giving me a “gift that would keep on giving in other relationships.” This comment now causes my eyes to roll dramatically but at the time it seemed so naughty!

He taught me about The Kama Sutra, The Perfumed Garden, and any other sex manual he could get his hands on. I went from innocent to well-versed in a matter of weeks. But there was still a problem. 

I was young and foolish. I was sure I could make him love me. But to my great and painful disappointment, I couldn’t. And I couldn’t fix what was broken inside of him (despite what romance novels told me). He needed to fix himself and I spent five years of my life in pain as I watched him with woman after woman after woman. 

In the end, I learned much more than just sex from him. I learned that everyone needs to fix themselves. And everyone–even beautiful people—needs therapy! All jokes aside, my heart did not break into a million pieces even though I was sure it would because of him. 

As an adult, we’re still friendly and I see him from time to time. He’s still not married or in a committed relationship, and still gets women who think they can fix him. He’s like kryptonite for innocent women! However, I wouldn’t change my experience for anything because he made me believe I was beautiful and that was a gift for which I’ll always be grateful. But I wish I hadn’t wasted five years of my life pining for someone who was never going to be mine.

If you’ve had a similar situation, or know someone who does, call myself or another psychic for a love tarot reading to give you guidance.
Author's Photo by Rowen x7029

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