If certain couples are unable to talk about an “unsolvable problem” in a healthy way, the conflict may make the relationship become emotionally clogged and unable to drain the tension between soulmates.
The actual topic of the conflict doesn’t matter, it can be about literally anything. To an outsider it may seem like small issues, like not emptying the dishwasher or not cleaning the bathroom. But within the relationship, it feels like a monster in the closet that is just too scary to speak about. When a relationship is clogged, partners feel rejected by their lover. They feel like they can’t get through, like their soulmate doesn’t care or like to talk about the issue.
The Growing Storm
Many partners ignore the conflict, the more they have the same conversation over and over again. It’s like a dog chasing its own tail. It’s a very frustrating issue over time. Soulmates become more and more entrenched in their positions and the friction between them grows. It may hit a point where there’s no possibility of compromise. And that’s the potion that brews to make you want to give up on the relationship.
The winds and rains of frustration hurt. If the storm lasts long enough, people start vilifying one another. Trust is gone and you become more and more paranoid by your mate’s actions. Their thoughts become negative. They turn against each other. They see each other as selfish.
All this clogging eventually leads to broken trust.
Start by Talking about the Problem
Breaks in trust tend to push soulmates away from each other. It doesn’t take a couple’s therapist or close friends to realize that the likelihood of infidelity and divorce is directly proportional to how miserable the conversations turn into the perfect storm – no shared humor, affection, or appreciation. Just the relationship… is.
Talking about the issue is like taking a plunger to the toilet. It releases all of the built-up emotional tension (and clears up the crap, lol). Despite the unpleasantness of the never-ending problem, lasting happy couples have been able to talk about any issue with a lot of positive emotions – laughter, affection or even appreciation.
A Lack of Security leads to a Lack of Communication which leads to a Lack of Trust.
Many times, these perpetual problems never get talked about because one or both partners never feel safe enough to bring it up. Sometimes it’s due to past experiences in our relationships (even childhood) and other times it’s due to partners feeling unwanted. When a relationship achieves a certain level of safety and one’s soulmate clearly communicates that he or she wants to know about the underlying meaning of other partner’s position, the other partner can finally open up and talk about their feelings, dreams and needs.
You can continue to talk about the same issues, occasionally improving the situation for a short time, but the problem will always re-emerge. Learn to calmly communicate with your partner.
There is value to realizing that when choosing a long-term partner, take your time and never rush.
I would love to speak more on this…
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