Managing the emotion of anger has several goals. First of all, it is important to learn that effective anger control involves the body and the mind. Think of the mind/body in holistic terms that interact with one another to such an extent that the two are really one. We can obtain anger cues by paying attention to our body signals and this may help become aware in order to diffuse it.
Clenched fists, tightened jaws, aggressive posture can all indicate anger. It is also important to tell the difference in minor irritations and major catastrophes (if there are such things). Another goal is to learn skills to deal effectively with anger which don't involve violence or brooding and resentment.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
Self-talk is so important regarding anger. We have a constant internal dialogue going on inside our minds. There is a spiritual implication involved in considering who the observer is and who is the observed. We watch ourselves and also have a running dialogue about the behavior we observe.
Questions to Ask Yourself When You Get Angry:
What are you telling yourself about yourself?
Are you telling yourself you are angry?
Are you justifying your anger?
Defending it in some other way?
Why do you feel defensive?
The only one experiencing the emotion is you. So what are you defending?
For further exploration of these ideas, please refer to "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer, an excellent book I highly recommend giving a read.
The Positive Side of Anger
Anger can help us express ourselves. I can think of numerous songs, poems, literary works which express a lot of anger. It is good to vent in this way. Anger is also a signal to us that something is wrong in our lives. We feel a need to do something, even if it is only to express ourselves. It can also encourage us to take charge as necessary.
Anger becomes a problem when it is too intense, too frequent, too long in duration, or when it leads to violence. Certainly, if you express anger with outbursts of raising your voice and throwing temper tantrums, this is not effective except for the goal of upsetting yourself and others. Also, if you express anger on a daily or otherwise regular basis, people stop listening.
Choose Your Battles Wisely