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I am Psychic Medium Raquel and I miss my mom. The smell of Shalimar in the morning, being snuggled tightly against her under the blankets on a rainy morning. I miss my mom. The vacant part of my heart that can only be filled with her spirit. The day she left was as unique as she was, February 29th. I was at lunch with my nephew when I got the call. I bowed my head into my hands as the pain of her departure washed over me. She was gone. The brightest light in my world had left.
But was she truly gone?
As a medium, I know all too well that life goes on. That spirit speaks. Had she really left me? Or is she with me now, always? I happen to know that she is here. In all her glory, in all her finery, she is fierce. The energy that pulled me through the grief of her passing never left. I still hear her laugh, I still laugh at her wit, she is still around us. In the in between and beyond the veil, she is here.
Every day, someone loses someone. Every day, that someone is our mother. The life giver, the one who birthed us into this world. It doesn’t matter the relationship status. Whether it was bad, toxic, good, you had to raise her, she had to be more patient with you, she was controlling, she was passionate, she loved you or you despised her, her passing matters. For those of us who came to terms with their mother before they passed away, it can be very difficult to navigate their death. For those of us who had issues, damages, difficulties with their mother, their passing is equally difficult. Our focus is different, but the grieving is the same. What part of ourselves do we lose when she goes? The grieving process for everyone is a unique experience, but fundamentally the same. Most of us will go numb, some will grieve with anger, some will remain quiet, while others speak loudly about their pain. It matters not how everyone grieves, because in the end, we heal. In the end for me, I miss my mom so much.
She was a wild woman, with a brilliant smile. Cunning and mischievous, smart and funny, cruel and narcissistic, she had a way with wit that could make even the most serious man crack a smile. She would light up a room like a rock star and steal the show from any headliner. My mother was a goddess. A mistress of the night, and a powerful medium. She kept my mind and third eye open to the expansive world beyond the veil. She saw in me what she saw in my brother Ricky, a natural born medium. She taught me, guided me, and then let me navigate this path on my own, leaving me with the tools to ignite the fire inside me to communicate with the other side. I am more than fortunate to have my brother share in our passion of mediumship, and we both have her to thank for that gift. Our mother bonded us not just in blood, but by spirit. And I am forever grateful.
My Brother Ricky’s Words On Our Mother:
I thought sharing about the legacy of our mother would be easy. It isn't. Even though the most important thing she taught me was the fact that Earth is school and Heaven is home, the void of her passing is as real as the love I have for her. Significant and complex. She was as beautiful as any Hollywood diva; far more intelligent and stronger than any man I've known (and like our mother, I've known more than a few) and most of all our mother was a phenomenal psychic medium. She was so gifted it was almost spooky, even for me then and to this very day.
Years before Raquel came down to our world, Granny, our mother and I would sit at the kitchen table with a very and special old spirit board. I would watch with amazement as she'd hold her beautiful hands over it and the planchette would glide across it to meet her. Her long-lacquered nails would BARELY touch it as it would zoom across the letters.
We didn't use it often; it was almost a game. (Or was it?)
Our mother taught me that the board was a "tool", like the tarot, or runes. Our real connection with the spirit world comes from within one's own self. Without a trace of arrogance, simply stating and demonstrating evidential mediumship, she would remind me that our family is sufficiently endowed not to depend what she called a crutch or a prop.
Our mother was commonly referred to as a witch, and honestly, just as often, another word that rhymes with it. And not without merit.
After a sleepless night, the morning after she died, I looked out the window and thought "This is the first time in my life the sun hasn't risen on both of us."
It was then I heard her voice with crystal clarity: “Where I am now, the sun never sets." I can't say that I was surprised to hear from her, but it was profound.
It validates how so many times I've had a client say, "Tell him/her I love her", or "Let him know…"
You don't need a Medium for them to hear you.
They DO hear us.
I've been blessed to convey entire conversations between the living and the dead that took place driving in the car or cried within a tear-soaked pillow. I DO have a dollar for every time I've heard "How do you know that?"
It's not complicated. Heaven is real. Love never dies.
I am Ricky, proud and grateful to be my mother's son, ironically called the same names, only not as beautiful as she was and ever shall be.
Earth is school.
Heaven is home.
How to Deal with the Death of Your Mother
This is unique for each situation, but for most of us, it hits home. Here are some tips for you to remember while dealing with the grief of this tremendous loss.
1. Remember her. The last thing you want to do right now is to forget that she existed for the sake of your pain. Remember her presence. Don’t fight the flow of the now painful memories of your time together. Tears are part of this process and they need to flow freely.
2. Take time to heal. The healing process takes a lot more time than you think. Just how the body recovers from injury or illness, our soul needs time to heal the wound. Take care of yourself. Self-Care is important when we grieve. Rest as if you are getting over a cold. Don’t force the process, it will only make it last longer than necessary.
3. Put yourself on a schedule. Scheduling your everyday life can help bring your soul into balance. It not only fights depression and anxiety but helps relax the mind during this difficult time. Remember to take things day by day. One day will be harder than another but accepting this fluctuation will help you accommodate the healing process.
4. Reach out to a Psychic Medium. Speaking with a psychic medium can provide you peace of mind that your mother is still around. You can also find out if she had a peaceful passing, who is with her, and just to know that she is NOT gone. Just moved from one space to another. The other side of the veil is a peaceful place of healing and wonder. Speaking to your mom through a medium can help you let go of her physical presence, and help you accept her spiritual being.
5. Speak to your mother. Don’t be afraid to talk to your mom. They hear you. They love it. They yearn for it. If you feel speaking to your mother is too hard, write her letters. Writing down our feelings addressed to a passed loved one can be extremely cathartic.
How to Talk to Your Mother After She Passes Away
My mom died and I miss her. The first sign of her presence was pretty immediate. The day I lost my mom, I left work, went home, put some sweatpants on, and crawled into bed. It was 2PM at the time, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Sleep away the grief. As I lay there, curled up in a fetal position, I felt her laying on the bed next to me. As if I could roll over and hug her, hold her, just touch her. It felt so strong and true, but when I went to embrace her, she was gone. Her body had failed her, and all her amazingly strong energy was left behind to remind me she was still here. But tangibly, she was gone. It was a painful realization that my mom had died.
Here are just a few great ways to speak with your mother that has passed away.
1. Remember to honor her presence by acknowledging she is around you. If you feel her presence, or smell her perfume, say hi. She is making herself known so you know she is there. Otherwise, you would not know. It’s important for your healing process to allow yourself to communicate with her. She hears you.
2. Make her favorite dish and enjoy it with friends or family. Smells and taste are a great way to communicate with your mom. Not only can it be very satisfying, it is very healing to enjoy in something she would have.
3. Again, reach out to a medium. We are here to help you in this difficult journey. Whether you lost your mom last night, or 25 years ago, we can help bridge the veil. Speaking with a medium can help you heal, but also can help you have a greater understanding of the role you play in your own grief.
4. Read her favorite book or watch her favorite film. Just like a good meal, enjoying the little things she did makes the veil much thinner. You can appreciate the memories and laughter the two of you may share in that moment. Cherish it.
5. Greet the day or end the night with a good morning and goodnight. Or both. These options keep her memory alive. If you believe like I do in the power of spirit, and that life continues beyond, go for it. Communicate as if she never left.
5 Signs a Passed Loved One is Trying to Contact You
1. The Presence
Being able to feel a presence is not just left to us mediums. When your mom wants to make her presence known, you will feel it. Sometimes, it is as simple as the feeling of someone watching you, or not being alone in an empty space. There is no fear, just acknowledgement. This can sometimes be accompanied by a familiar feeling or smell. A mother's presence is very recognizable and can help put our mind at ease knowing that she is here.
2. Electrical Anomalies
One of the most common yet overlooked attempts at contact is that of electrical anomalies. Imagine you are sitting in your kitchen, grieving over your mother’s loss over a cup of tea. You noticed the lights flickering overhead. Some think nothing of it, others realize that they are not alone. In other cases, it is the radio that switches stations and her favorite song starts to play. The television may turn on or off or change channels to her favorite show. All of these are not just coincidences. These are the signs that your mother is still around and she is trying to get your attention.
3. The Contact
This may seem fairly obvious, but not everyone recognizes this particular sign. Sometimes grief blinds us and clouds our judgement. And sometimes, it happens when we least expect it. The tap on the shoulder, the gentle warmth of a hand on the back, the whisper in the ear. And when we turn to see who is reaching out affectionately, we see no one. Not a soul in sight. Who was it that requested our attention so physically? It may not surprise you, but spirits can reach out and touch you. They can also call out your name. Personally, I have heard my mother speak my name on numerous occasions. I have felt my mother touch my shoulder in a reassuring way and have felt her embrace me when I feel lost or sad. I recognize her voice. I recognize her touch. I feel her gaze on me. When I turned to see her, she was gone. Remember, it is an act of love, not fear they are trying to convey.
4. Environmental Changes
The air around you all of a sudden shift, but there is not a window open. The temperature of the room you currently inhabit noticeably changes, going either colder or warmer in an instant. Normally, these temperature changes are isolated to small pockets in the room. The sensation of love and comfort surrounds you, yet there is no one in sight to make you feel this way. Suddenly, you find yourself recognizing you are not alone. The spirit of your mother has the ability to change the environment around the people they are trying to communicate with. This is a simple way for her to make herself known.
5. The Dream
A common form of communication from our mother who passed is through dream visitations. The way these visitations occur vary from experience to experience. When a spirit is communicating this way, the words are very important. In them, they convey the message they want you to hear. Sometimes, they are just there in the dream. No message just love. No words, but their presence can be so comforting in your time of grief. Know that they are with you during these visitations and bask in their presence. Sometimes, just sitting with our mother is the best form of therapy.
The spirit of our mother does not return to their loved ones to inflict fear or pain. They want to communicate with you as much as you want to communicate with them. I realize that it can be unnerving when any of the above occur, but rest assured, love continues onto the next life. Love never dies the way the body does. Our spirits continue to heal, grieve, mourn, love, grow, and mature. We are an ever-evolving energy that continually changes through transitional phases of our existence.
How to Cope with Your Mother’s Death on Mother’s Day
For the past 12 years, I have had to cope with the memory of my mother on Mother’s Day knowing she has died. As a mother myself, I have other reasons to celebrate the day and I am thankful for my mother-in-law who I can celebrate with. It is the little things that keep me going on a very difficult day. Besides finding distractions, I find that seeking out positive memories helps the most.
One year, I sat and listened to Dolly Parton. When I was a child, we would drive around Oahu listening to a “Best of Dolly Parton” cassette and sing along together. It was such a fond memory and the feeling of being with her in our favorite place brings such joy to my heart. Now, the bottle of wine I consumed didn’t help with the tears that followed. But, in that moment of heartfelt sadness, I felt a sense of healing. No one can take that memory away from me. It felt like I was 6 again, riding in the car singing “Coat of Many Colors” together as we drove on the Pali Highway. Those memories are priceless, except the hangover the day after. That felt costly.
We must always remember that our mother is still with us. I cannot stress that enough. Of course, as a medium, I have insider knowledge that lets me know that statement is true. Don’t be afraid to celebrate with her. Avoiding the day only makes it worse. Embrace the day knowing that she would want you to be happy and free. Free from grief and sorry. Happy to know you had her for a very limited amount of time, but she is forever in your heart.
There is no strict formula to follow, only what works for you. Don’t be afraid of failure because there is no such thing when it comes to grief that comes with the loss of your mother. Take each Mother’s Day one day at a time. Trust me, each one will have its own trials, and each Mother’s Day will have its own beautiful memories.
Happy Mother’s Day with love from Raquel and Ricky!