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Finding Love After Loss

Date 7/5/2024

Widowed woman

After the long winter of grief, the first signs of spring start to appear. The long iced-over windows start to thaw.  We begin to open the curtain to let the warm sun engulf our room with light again. The feeling of loneliness starts to fade and the idea of partnership reemerges from the depths of our soul. No longer in the state of needing the one you lost, but the idea of restructuring your life to want a partner again. In this article, we will examine the pitfalls and glowing experiences that come with finding love after loss.


Self-love After Loss

Moving forward after loss can be a very difficult ordeal. Change in any aspect of one’s life has its own complexity. In this case, the forced hand of re-calibrating your own existence in your love life can be taxing but rewarding. Remember, the balance of healing and self-growth go hand in hand. Some days you will feel stronger than others, and some days will feel more exhausting than most. Please allow yourself a grace period to adapt to your new normal. This time can be consuming, but a worthy investment for your future. Allowing the time to grieve naturally makes your transition into new love a more graceful adaptation.  

Widow holding a rose

Too Much Haste Can Be a Waste

Moving on too quickly after the death of a spouse is a common side effect of grief. Attempting to fill the void, to stifle the pain of loss happens more often than not. It can bring momentary happiness, but that emotion is fleeting. It can delay the healing process and stunt the growth of finding out who one is after losing a partner.

We are faced with the idea that having someone is worth more than finding ourselves. This can lead to problematic relationships and can damage the mental well-being of their fragile state. Think of it as a rebound. Just someone to pick us up after we are feeling the lowest, but they don’t really help fill the gap. They prolong the process. It is important to remember to value yourself and time in this time of healing.

Is there an exception to this rule? Of course there is. Here is an example of a gray area for the aforementioned step. Dating 3 months after the death of a spouse really depends on the situation. If the death was of an impending nature due to illness, one may have already started the grieving process while the partner was still alive. Therefore, the timing for their bereavement may be shorter. But, for someone that lost their spouse suddenly without warning, may want to stand clear of moving on too quickly. That sudden life adjustment will take more time to allow for the healing process to even begin. 

Rediscovering Yourself After Loss 

You are now whole— as you have always been. You just know that love is something you wish to have back in your life again. Summoning your new start can start small by making yourself approachable. Grief tends to make our gaze fall to the ground. Having an approachable disposition can be marked by looking up and allowing others to meet your eye. This may feel intimidating at first, but after first contact with a happy recipient, you will ease back into your new self.

First steps lead to success, no matter how long it takes for you to step outside your comfort zone. Trying new flavors of food or testing out a new order at your favorite restaurant can help you find how your palate has shifted over the years. When we are exploring new realms in which we find enjoyment, we open our minds up to the idea of change. This level of acceptance of your new identity will aid in the challenge of accepting new love into your life.

If you find you have stayed in your old ways, more power to you. You know who you are and are reminded of that when you start to step away from your norm. Giving yourself the freedom to decide which direction you wish to move allows you to have more confidence in starting a new relationship. In your own discovery, you will find peace. And peace always helps secure a good, fresh start in any relationship. Finding a new love in your life is not about replacing the one you lost but adding more depth to your life. 


Moving Forward After Loss

As you navigate this new territory of your life, it is important to remember that you are not looking for a replica of your dearly departed. There will be similarities in personalities due to your own personal preferences, but there will be marked differences with your new partner. Learning to understand your new set of needs and wants is part of this transitional process. Finding out who you are now after you have healed will allow you to make the best decision when it comes to your next partner.

Although, for some individuals, you may stick with what you know. You and your partner may have shared so much more than love. Those common attributes will make it comfortable to regain your footing. Either path you decide to embark on can lead to a new sense of belonging in a new romantic partner. Finding love again after loss does not have to be your next great challenge, but an added feature to your new chapter. 

 Holding hands

A Medium's Perspective

There are many spiritual ways to cope with grief and loss. Connecting with a medium may help find a resolution with final words or maybe a missed goodbye. A medium can also help you tune into your own gifts and find ways to communicate with your partner. They can also point you in the direction of signs of your loved one’s presence. As a practicing medium, I have found more often than not, that the departed want what is best for the future of their spouse remaining on the living side. In most cases, the departed spouse will help their loved one find new love. 

In all my years counseling the living and the newly departed, I have developed a deeper understanding of the murkiness that comes along with both sides of grief. The deceased and the bereaved have their unique journey of healing ahead of them. Each one has a different set of coping mechanisms to circumnavigate. Grief is a construct on both sides of the veil. The true love matches that have been separated are making their own ways through the process.

The one commonality that I have most felt in a majority of my readings is that the pursuit of happiness is still an endeavor that lovers wish for one another. The living wish for peace for their loved one and vice versa. And most importantly, happiness. If that means that the living partner wishes to secure love again in their time left here on this plane, then the spirit of the loved one gives their truest and honest blessing. 


There is no wrong or right way for one to heal. Each person has their own strengths and weaknesses to take into account. But there is one thing for sure. There is value in hope. Hope that one day the pain will lessen, and the pursuit of happiness begins again. Love is the purest emotion. We do not control it, but when we secure it, there is peace. 



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