Ask a scientist what love is, and you might hear that love is nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain. When we experience feelings of love and passion, we often notice a sensation or a tingling in our bodies, as our brains produce chemicals that tell our bodies to "fire up." But is that all there is? Not according to the metaphysical advisors at Psychic Source, who have collectively counseled thousands of clients from all walks of life, concerning every love stage, challenge, and circumstance related to love and relationships. They are experts in the field of love and relationships, viewing love and all its wonderful and messy manifestations from a metaphysical perspective.
We’ve compiled years of practical and spiritual wisdom from their writings into this Metaphysical Guide to Manifest Love and Relationships. We begin with the fundamental question what is love, and move on to finding love, maintaining love, losing love, and coping with relationship challenges including sex and cheating. We hope that somewhere in these pages you’ll find a perspective on your own love situation, some nugget of wisdom that you’ll take with you, as well as the comfort in knowing that a community of professional, caring and gifted Advisors is available to support you in finding answers to your most pressing love questions.
“When you love someone, you become vulnerable,” reflects Psychic Alexia. “Vulnerability comes from the heart. We love with our hearts, not just with our thoughts. So maybe love is more like having faith. Although we cannot see our souls, and we cannot see our hearts beating in love, we all know that love is more than just a chemical reaction.”
Psychic Adele describes love this way. “Love is a choice you make to give your time and energy to another.” It is active, a verb. If you think of love as a ‘thing’ you exchange with someone else, love becomes a transaction that creates neediness. You become dependent on a person giving you this thing. If you focus instead on being loving, it frees you to love without turning over your power and can help you weather the challenges that are inevitable in every human relationship.
If the true meaning of love is the action of being loving, then here are some of the things that love is not, according to our advisors.
Love is not attachment
“Clients often tell me their fear of losing their lovers because they feel that they "need" them. This is not true. If your lover disappears tomorrow, your life will be the same. You will have the same job, the same apartment, the same friends, and the same family. Your face and body will be the same. The only difference is that you have a vacancy where the lover used to be. The vacuum is perceived in your mind.”
Giving one's power away to a person is not love
“If you became so fixated on how your lover feels/acts/thinks of you and others, independent of how you view and perceive yourself, you have become attached in an unhealthy way. That type of thinking incapacitates you from making wise choices for yourself and instead transfers that executive power to your loved one. It cannot and will not work in the long run.”
Love is not a feeling
“Having warm, fuzzy emotions doesn't constitute love's true nature. I've spoken with people whose decisions about engagement, marriage, and commitment are determined by whether or not they have a warm feeling emanating from their heart. It's a symptom, yes, but it isn't the whole of what love truly is.”
Love is not a thing
“People often think of love as something they can buy, cajole, coax, and take from others, as if it is a desirable thing that can be possessed. Love doesn't need to be shown off. To rely on purchases to prove love only means that when these material things disappear, the love will too if you do not show it from your heart. Your emotional vulnerability, trust, sharing deep feelings, intimacy, acceptance, compromise, and understanding are crucial with love. No material love can ever last like true love.”
“Someone once said that ‘Everyone is trying to find this ultimate love thing that exists truly in 123 minutes of a movie’ laughs Psychic Alexia. “People who’ve fallen in love ask me all the time, how will I know if this is The One, True Love?”
First, it’s not just the excitement, the giddy feeling of infatuation, although that may be present as well, especially in the beginning. Rather, underneath the romance is a firm foundation of friendship. You have interests in common and enjoy each other’s company. It is that underlying friendship that will remain when you are old, and the initial fires of passion have cooled down.
Yes, certainly there is passion! There can be no real romance without sexual chemistry; it’s either there or it isn’t. It cannot be faked or forced; it is a consuming fire. But more importantly, if it is to be a long-term relationship, you will feel genuinely comfortable with that person. You don’t have to put on airs; you can be yourself with them. You don’t have to do anything to try to impress them or manipulate their feelings or hope that they will someday change. You love each other for who you are. Your love is unconditional. You know that you are loved; you don’t have to wonder.
“That doesn’t mean you will never fight,” counsels Psychic Clare. “Relationships are work and everybody argues from time to time. But there is mutual affection and respect which allows you to say, “I’m sorry,” and truly forgive each other and move forward together. You both want to make it work because the love you share is better than anything! It is the love that was always present in your own heart, now beaming back at you from the eyes of your beloved.”
Love can take you to the heights of ecstasy or into the depths of hopelessness. Each person defines define love differently, if indeed it’s definable at all. According to Psychic Freya, everyone has their own perception of what love is; this is hers.
“Like most psychic readers, I’ve been exposed to many different love energies,” says Psychic Freya. “And I've been asked on numerous occasions, “What is your definition of love?” The first time I was asked this question, I immediately remembered what my son told my grandson: “When you love someone you want more than anything for them to be happy.” I believe this philosophy holds true with romantic love, friendship love, and family love. Later, I decided to give deep consideration to the question of defining love; because I believe love makes the world go ‘round.
I meditated on the question and was immediately shown a tree and heard the word Acacia Trees. I believe in my Guides, so I began researching the Acacia tree. I found that there have been numerous studies that show if one Acacia tree is harmed, the same type of trees within a hundred-mile radius react by producing defensive emissions or by folding their leaves.
You’re probably thinking, “OK this psychic is out in the nether regions–what does this have to do with defining love?” Well, I literally sat up in bed with the “aha” moment of clarity. Love is a connection between all life forms, human and non-human. And for those who report falling instantly in love, maybe the love wasn’t so instant. They could have been connected for a long, recognized each other when they met, and felt the love that had already been formed.
The next step in my thought process was the genuine feeling of caring akin to love that I feel when I connect with a client. We can all learn from the Acacia Trees by connecting with our loved ones; to see and feel their perspective; to anticipate their needs, and to simply accept them for who they are. I feel wonderfully blessed to be a part of this process for others.
And then I thought: my son was right; he had the definition all along. “Love” is when you want happiness for another person.
There’s no doubt that finding love in our late 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond is very different than it was in our youth. In that life stage, the field is wider: people have not yet paired off, and social, educational, and work venues offer easy access to new people. But even as we move through our 30’s and beyond, the adage “plenty of fish in the sea” still holds true. Our lifestyles may make finding new love a bit more challenging, but men and women do it all the time.
Psychic Source Advisors counsel thousands of love-seekers every year, and they will be the first to tell you that finding love starts with a reframing of perspective – a belief in abundance rather than scarcity and a trust in yourself and the Universe. As Wayne Dwyer once said, “When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.” Our love experts will also explain that finding love begins with preparing to let love in.
How to Prepare to Let Love in
Just as love is so much more than a release of chemicals, finding love is also so much more than putting yourself ‘out there’ (though we’ll get to that part later.) As Psychic Source Advisor Ivanka, says, "Wanting love means going toward love, not waiting for love to come to you. Obstacles are opportunities for growth that many people don’t take because they prefer their comfort zones. So, holding on to hope is important but knowing in advance that it will require effort is also just as important."
It is easy to focus on circumstances that don’t allow us to pursue love. It is even easier to focus on a potential lover’s faults and blockages. All of the obstacles are not external to us. The Law of Attraction and spiritual evolution both emphasize focusing on yourself. In love and in life, self-awareness leads to everything that is meant for us. Yet, we wait and expect things that we have not consciously prepared ourselves to receive.
We’re a metaphysically oriented service, so naturally, our advisors take a spiritual approach to every situation. Here’s some of what they’ve had to say.
Release negative blocks
In the introduction to his podcast, Open and Heal Your Heart, Psychic Joseph wrote, “Past hurts have caused us to build negative emotions, which create inner blocks that make it possible to attract love on a physical level and at the same time, repel it on an inner level. This is what causes us to have a consecutive series of unhealthy relationships where only the names and faces have changed.” If you haven’t listened to this popular podcast, consider saving it to your favorites to listen when you have a chance.
If you’re feeling frustrated that true love is eluding you, it’s important to stop judging your mind. When you're pressured by strong emotion, you start thinking obsessively about what you or the other party could have or should have done, said, or been. Don't push away these thoughts. First, watch your mind in a relaxed way, so you can stay steady, no matter what it throws at you. Instead of trying to control your thoughts, learn to give your mind space until you can develop a sense of trust. Meditation is great for this. Try listening to Clearing Negative Energy, a guided meditation podcast by Psychic Bridgette. Meditating with Rose Quartz, a crystal known for its ability to open you up to receiving love, can amplify your meditation. The rose quartz vibrations, at once gentle and soft yet powerful, remind you that love begins with yourself.
Let go of the past
Do you still carry a lot of resentment and bitterness about an ex? Have you been betrayed or mistreated by romantic partners in the past? If so, it's crucial that you begin releasing the past. “Start by clearing the air” counsels Psychic Cerri. “Write a long letter (on paper, not e-mail) to each of your former partners. Tell them exactly how you feel about the way they treated you, how they hurt you, and how it still affects you today. Pour out your heart onto the page, holding nothing back. When you are finished, tear up those papers and toss them right in the trash. Or burn them (I highly suggest this, just be safe.) Or even bury them outside somewhere to become one with the Earth. Affirm that you are letting go of all that old pain and struggle.”
Then write a letter to yourself and make a vow to stop carrying around all that old stagnant energy. Set an intention that you are going to release it and let it go, for good. Most likely this will not be a one-time event. You may need to renew this commitment to yourself every day (even several times a day) for months. But keep affirming that you are letting it go, releasing that old energy from your mind, heart, and body. Say to yourself, "I release this old energy completely from every area of my life. I am now unburdened and free to move on to something better."
Another powerful way to release the past is to cultivate forgiveness. Holding onto old hurts is like picking at a scab before the wound has had a chance to heal. “There is the assumption that forgiving is about letting someone off the hook for having hurt you, but that is not the only meaning,” writes Psychic Jamie. “Break it down the word two parts and you have For-Giving. Now, take a look at it from this new perspective and you get that it is:
For giving you the opportunity
to clear your energy
and make way for
all the good the Universe has in store.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean excusing what happened. Only you decide if that is right for you. When you create space for giving yourself the opportunity to let go, you clear the way for the energy of new beginnings to come into your life. Jamie offers these rituals to help you release and forgive:
- Write the offense on a piece of paper. Make it as detailed as you want. Color over it with a black crayon or paint until you can no longer see any of the words. Cut the paper into tiny pieces. Say out loud “This is for giving me peace.” Then throw it away.
- While rubbing the palms of your hands together, imagine the offense as a small ball of energy between your hands. The faster you rub your palms, the smaller it gets until it disappears. Do this for as long as you need.
- Fill small balloons with water and stomp on them until they burst. You can add any statement such as, “I release.”, “I let go.”, “It is finished.” Make sure you are in a safe place and don’t mind getting a little wet. This technique is very satisfying!
Clear your chakras
Blocked chakras can impact more than just your physical health. They can also harm your relationships. There are ways to unblock your chakras to create greater harmony within yourself and your relationships. Let's take a look at different chakras and what happens when they are blocked. You can learn more about chakra healing in our Energy Healing Guide.
Root Chakra and Anxiety
Your first chakra, the root, deals with your physical self, and with feelings of security and stability. If you want to attract a healthy relationship, the root chakra tells us that a healthy body often leads to a healthy mind. If your root chakra is blocked or underactive, you may feel nervous, anxious, and scared; if it's overactive, you may find that you're resistant to change. These feelings can extend into your search for a new relationship.
Sacral Chakra and Intimacy
Located in your abdomen, the sacral chakra rules intuition and compassion and deals with your emotions and sexuality. If you're holding on to negative emotions, find ways to let them go, lest you carry them into a new relationship. Someone with a balanced sacral chakra can express emotions freely without being overly emotional and is able to be passionate and intimate. An imbalanced sacral chakra can lead to a person seeming cold or extremely attached to people.
Solar Plexus Chakra and Self-Esteem
Your third chakra, located behind your navel, influences your personal confidence and self-esteem. If you don't think highly of yourself, you can't expect others to hold you in high esteem. Self-assured people naturally develop healthier relationships because they feel free to express themselves openly.
Heart Chakra and Affection
Think of your fourth chakra, the heart, as your sense of well-being and your ability to offer compassion and kindness to others. If it falls out of balance, you'll struggle to connect with people — both romantically and platonically, and you may be either distant or suffocating with your affection. This chakra also influences your ability to attract love, so you must nurture it before you can build meaningful relationships.
Throat Chakra and Communication
The throat chakra directly affects your self-expression, your ability to communicate with others. When it's blocked, you can't voice your concerns, desires, needs, and frustrations, which can lead to breakdowns in relationships. People with a blocked throat chakra tend to be quiet, shy, and unsure of themselves. Opening up your throat chakra allows you to communicate freely and to embrace your sense of humor.
Crown Chakra and Trust
When you open your crown chakra, you become more likely to trust others as well as yourself. You might feel more inspired and positive, which can rub off on the people in your life. It allows you to feel comfortable enough in your own skin to truly listen to others and help them reach their goals.
Create a love ritual
What is a ritual? A ritual is simply a routinized or ceremonial action or set of actions that has symbolic meaning. Rituals take us out of the realm of everyday experience and create an opportunity to undergo something more sublime and spiritually meaningful. Advisor Kady offers this simple ritual to release and renew.
You will need:
- 3 white candles
- Some sea salt
- Some pink or white sheets or towels
- Some music
- A clean bathroom
First- clean your bathroom until it sparkles. Cleanliness attracts good things into your life. Next, throw a pinch of salt into your tub. If you don’t have a tub, no worries, simply tie up the salt inside a washcloth, and bring that into the shower with you. Cover the mirror with your sheet or towels, put on some romantic music, light the candles, and turn out the lights.
While you’re bathing, focus on all the good things about yourself. As you step out from your bath, chant the following words:
I am blessed
I am loving
I am loved and love myself
I am love!
Enjoy the Process
Enjoying the process depends on you knowing that the love you seek is already within you, simply seeking the most rewarding means of expression. Psychic Ivanka reminds us:
- Know that you have shortcomings and that you will overcome them.
- Know that the circumstances might not be perfect, but that love is everywhere.
- Know that the object of your affection can stay or leave at any moment and for any reason, but love is with you always.
How to Use Manifestation for Love
An important part of the manifestation process is the imagination process. The saying goes, if you can imagine it, you can achieve it. Our minds are one of our most powerful tools for manifesting, when we give ourselves the time to think about what we are seeking. Decide who and what you want and be clear. Do not try to figure out the “how;” that’s not your job. When you try to predict how something will manifest you limit the possibilities. Our Advisors offer many tools to help you begin to manifest love.
“When we say “Oh, I just wish I had a boyfriend.” or “Why can’t I find a woman who I can stick with?” or even “How come I always get guys who cheat? Where are all the good guys?” What we really want to know is where is the partner of my dreams?” explains Psychic Andi. “That person is out there, I promise. The problem is you need to focus on attracting THAT person, the partner, not just any person.”
Take out a piece of paper and begin to make a list of characteristics you are seeking in a partner. “Bypass your inner critic, and concentrate on what you do want, and not what you don’t want,” counsels Advisor Serena. Don't worry about the details like the type of work they do, how much money they earn, or what they look like. Instead, focus on how this person will be a perfect match for you. Include things that are very important to you in a partner, things that will make them ideally suited to you personally. Here are some examples from Psychic Shoshonna:
- Sharing the same or similar spiritual beliefs.
- Accountability – When there is a disagreement or misunderstanding, they take responsibility for their actions and feelings.
- Reliable and dependable - They follow through on their promises and commitments.
- Honest and trustworthy – They are truthful and open with their thoughts and feelings.
- Supportive and caring in times of disappointment and celebration. They'll be there for you if you get laid off from your job and celebrate with you when you get that promotion or college diploma.
- Self-assured and confident - They are secure in the relationship when they see you talking with someone of the opposite sex because they know you are loyal and committed to them, and you can be yourself and not feel as though you should change to please him or her.
Your own list may include these and/or other attributes that are important to you.
In the introduction to her podcast, Crystalize Your Vision, Psychic Astrologer Moira writes “Simply thinking of what you want in a partner and making a shopping list of traits (attractive, wealthy, witty, intelligent, etc.) is not enough, however. I want you to practice envisioning the kind of relationship you want to attract rather than focusing on anyone or imagining a perfect person.” If you haven’t listened to this podcast by one of our most popular Advisors, consider saving it to your favorites to listen when you have a chance.
Sometimes it helps to create images that suggest the love you are seeking. Advisor Janise writes, “I am a firm supporter of vision boards. All you must do is have a true desire. Print or cut a picture from a magazine of what love looks like to you. Be specific. If love looks like two people hugging, post a picture of just that. If it looks like walks on the beach hand in hand, pin a picture of that. If you do not have a vision board, put the picture on your bathroom mirror or even under your pillow. Remember to be specific.” If you think you are going to be embarrassed, do it when no one is around, or join a few friends and make a party out of it. If you're web-savvy, you can even do this online using Pinterest.com.
It is not enough to contemplate the words or images. You need to feel the feelings that these words or images evoke. Advisor Andi suggests you announce to yourself “I have an amazing relationship!” as if it has already come to pass. Feel it in the present tense. This is KEY. For example, “I am filled with joy and finally feel I have a partner, not just a boyfriend!” Think about “What does your life look like now that… <fill in the blank>.” You must get yourself in the mindset of it’s yours, you already have it! Time and space are just the details that the Universe will work out. So give thanks for it… as in it’s already here. Announce your gratitude. “I am so incredibly grateful now that I have a partner I love, who shows me love and supportive and puts OUR happiness first.”
A guided visualization is another way to see and feel the love you wish to attract into your life. Psychic Source Advisor Joseph offers this one.
Meditate with a love mantra
Another option is to meditate using a love mantra. Every living or non-living thing has an energy or vibration of its own. A mantra is a word of power that matches your energy with the energy of your intended goal. A mantra works directly with the Law of Attraction. With a love mantra, you are drawing to yourself the energies of a potential lover or spouse that match your energies. Psychic Simone explains,
Amp your vibration with love crystals
Many people find that incorporating crystals into a meditation, visualization, or mantra practice amp up the vibration of their intention. You can explore the many healing powers of crystals in our comprehensive ebook Guide to Crystals. Here are some crystals with love magnifying properties:
- Rose Quartz is one of the crystals most associated with love. Not only does it aid in forgiveness, it soothes and opens one to the possibility of love. Our personal attitudes and fixed opinions can sometimes be our worst enemy. Holding or wearing Rose Quartz provides a calming vibration, allowing us to see beyond what we may perceive as overwhelming obstacles to finding or maintaining a loving relationship.
- Rhodonite is a beautiful pink stone, mottled with black streaks. Rhodonite exudes a non-confrontational feeling, encouraging physical love while increasing energy levels.
- Tigers Eye is wonderful for revitalizing and increasing sexuality. Tigers Eye balances the Root Chakra and sexual organs, reawakening a waning sex drive. This warm and powerful stone also helps to break down emotional blockages that can hold back your sexuality, such as self-esteem issues or depression.
- Rhodochrosite works directly with the Heart Chakra to heal emotional wounds and boost your sexual attractiveness. This stone is one of the most powerful love crystals. It increases self-confidence and allows a person to be more open to recognizing a soul mate and encouraging unconditional love.
Cast a love spell
Finally, you could also create a ritual spell for attracting love as Psychic Roxanna suggests:
Write down on the piece of paper all the qualities that you would like in your soulmate. Read what you have written, imagine how happy you will be as if you already have this person in your life.
Fold up the piece of paper and burn it, placing it a glass container to burn safely. As you watch it burn visualize a bright white light coming from the smoke and flames going up into the universe to find and draw your soulmate to you.
When it is completely burnt sit in a relaxed state and imagine your soulmate being with you and you both being happy, as if the union has already happened. Do this for at least five to ten minutes… Positive visualization.
Take the glass container with the ashes outside and sprinkle them, while doing this again visualize the bright white light flowing from the ashes into the universe to further search and bring your soulmate to you.
Remain open to possibility
As important as it is to get really clear about what you want, it’s also important not to place limits on your imagination by narrowing the possibilities. For example, do not fixate on a specific person. Psychic Cerri explains, “When you have strong feelings for a specific person, you can convince yourself that they are the best person for you, and you can't imagine anyone being a better match. But I'm here to tell you that the universe can find someone way better (way, way better!) than you think. If you get too attached to being with one specific person, you essentially block off all other possibilities, even if some of those possibilities would be a thousand times better for you. You may not believe that but do your best to release your attachment to a certain person that you think would be the best match for you.”
Trust that the universe knows how to satisfy your true heart's desires even better than you can. That doesn't mean you will never be with that one specific person that you have feelings for right now, but simply be willing to accept that there could be someone even better for you out there. If you are truly meant to be with that specific person, and if that relationship would benefit your highest good and theirs, then it can happen. But don't get locked onto it and block other possibilities in the process.
“Sometimes we can't see love right in front of us,” advises Psychic Vivi. “A preconceived notion of what love should be like and who it should be with can block love from finding us. Don't restrict who you meet or how you meet people. A rigid schedule doesn't make time for spontaneous love connections. Keep some of your schedule open-be available. Fate and people you meet sense when you are not available.”
Declare your intention and release
In the introduction to her podcast, Send Your Message to the Universe, Psychic Seanna explains that simply “by speaking the words ‘I am open to receiving all the love I deserve!’ clearly and with conviction, you set your dreams in motion by getting your energy in alignment with your thoughts. This is the point where faith comes in because releasing means that you allow the Universe to do its work. Practice having faith that your perfect partner is out there and will come to you when the time is right. “Whenever you begin to doubt finding your ideal mate is possible, simply state: ‘Universe, I ask that you support me in manifesting the right and perfect partner and let it be done for the highest and best of all concerned. Thank you for fulfilling my desire.’”
Here’s the final part of the manifestation process: be grateful and thankful for having what you want, before you actually receive it. Your belief in this needs to be so strong that your thankfulness is genuine and heartfelt.
Look around you and embrace all you have in your life. That emanates in your environment. Being thankful, happy, and open is magnetic. People are drawn to the positive energy that goes along with this. “Think of it like growing a plant,” counsels Psychic Vivi. “Plant the seeds, nurture the plant, water the plant, and then watch it grow. You can't make it grow, but you can create the right atmosphere for the plant to flourish in. So, create and nurture the foundation for love to flourish in your life.”
Resolve to live life fully
Get out there and meet new people. Join an outdoor club or attend a virtual workshop. Volunteer. Sign up for dating apps. Whatever your interests are, there are like-minded people who share them. Is meeting people harder in a pandemic? Yes. Impossible? No. In many ways, the pandemic has reintroduced online courtship, removing some of the pressure to meet in person and hook up. We’ll talk a lot more about these steps later. The point is to act, because, as Advisor Kady wisely states, “the more you’re enjoying your life, the more attractive you become to everyone else.”
Treat yourself like you want to be treated
Self-care and kindness are vital when you are trying to attract love into your life. Most people do the opposite. They keep searching outside themselves for that one person that will make them feel special. The irony is that you can't attract someone who will make you feel special unless you already feel special! If you feel like a victim, if you feel unloved, if you feel lonely, you will simply keep attracting partners that amplify those feelings within you. “Every day, women and men ask me how they can find their perfect love,” recounts Psychic Felicity, who goes on to explain,
“The answer is simple, and hinges on this Universal Truth: one can receive only as much love and compassion as one gives to oneself. When you can give yourself permission to be who you were born to be, you will magnetize your perfect love. As the saying goes, we are each a “human being, not a human doing.” Each of us has innate gifts to offer. Each of us IS a beautiful gift to the world, and the only way to bring that gift forward is to be as bright as we can be. We must be self-ISH, rather than self-less. It’s the oxygen mask in the airplane rule: we should give to ourselves first, before giving to others. When we do, our perfect counterpart will then be able to identify and align with us. In other words, we need to give ourselves the love we are hoping to receive from our prospective lover. The more we can love ourselves, and follow our own true desires, the brighter our gifts will shine. The brighter we shine, the more magnetic we become. The amazing thing is that this magnetism will attract the people who resonate with us at our highest vibration!”
Begin by treating yourself exactly the way you would expect your ideal partner to treat you. Buy yourself little gifts. Do nice things for yourself. Tell yourself that you are beautiful (or handsome). Take yourself out for a nice lunch or dinner. Enjoy a peaceful walk on the beach. Curl up with yourself and watch a great movie. Romance yourself! These small actions will begin to dramatically shift your energy so that you start attracting a partner that will amplify that positive energy.
Psychic Sofia explains that when we live in a state of unconditional self-love, we cannot help but attract that same state of being in a partner. “Bringing in or manifesting love, like anything else, follows universal law. Once we learn to put ourselves in that positive state of being, we place our intention (the list); visualize or see the true partnership; expect that right match to come forward; and accept the divine partnership that the universe sends in.”
One last thing: be patient! If you broadcast feelings of desperation and frustration because you still haven't met "the one," you are only going to delay their arrival. Instead, say things like this to yourself often: "Meeting the right person will only add to the happiness I already feel." "I am whole and happy as I am, and I welcome the right whole and happy person to share my life."
Remember, you don't need anyone to complete you. You need to complete yourself, and then that special guy or girl who is looking for the perfect, whole, happy partner will find you.
If you’d like to learn more strategies for self-care, we recommend these articles:
Up to this point, our Advisors have focused on how to prepare yourself for finding love. You have cleaned up your life by releasing negative energy and embracing self-love. You’ve gotten clear about what you want and have practiced manifesting it. You're ready. What’s next? In this chapter, our Advisors weigh in on common dating scenarios and questions they encounter in their readings with clients each day.
When we date, we often go through a few emotional reactions such as excitement, shock, and sometimes even dislike. We barely know the person and yet we have some instant reaction inside. Often that reaction leads us to the next level of either wanting more contact or complete avoidance. Psychic Minerva writes that “Our reactions to people can come from within: either they remind us of someone we know or the type of person we’d like to know. Our gut and third eye can often detect potential possibilities before our logical mind can decipher any concrete information.”
Beyond having a good time, one objective in dating to get to know the individual, since your initial reaction might just be based on a gesture that triggers old memories. Keep in mind different behaviors can trigger memories that remind us of people we once liked or disliked. Be aware that we often place people into roles that are based on how we see them rather than how they may be. She advises, “If the person expresses interest in getting to know you, take your time in getting to know them. Being attracted to someone does not mean they are ready or right for us. Simply talking to the person is better than making stories in our heads about them. Know that a spark can grow into something meaningful, but to cultivate a healthy connection, you will need to be honest, transparent, and clear about what you want. In other words, don’t play games!”
That said, there’s always room for some healthy flirting to get things started.
So, if you have your eye on that cute guy at the office, the gal in the spin class, or person who met eyes with when walking your dog, know that all it takes is a casual suggestion to meet up for a date to get the ball rolling. Psychic Blaire suggests these techniques to initiate a dating connection with a person of interest.
- Telling them that they have “nice eyes” is perfectly fine- but it’s also focusing on something they had nothing to do with- they were just born that way. Think of something you’ve noticed that they achieved on their own: a particular skill (“I’m impressed with your artistic ability.”), a personality characteristic (“It’s amazing how you stay so calm under pressure.”), a degree or award (“How cool that you earned a black belt in Karate.”), or an achievement (“Did you really climb Mount Everest? Wow!”).
- People appreciate being challenged now and then. It keeps things interesting. Introduce a thought-provoking idea that challenges his mind (“What would you do if you if you were trapped in a room with only a pipe cleaner, a radio, and an avocado?”), challenges his beliefs (“I know you’re a movie-lover, but sometimes I think books might be a better way to tell a story.”), or challenges them physically (“I bet you can’t lift this glass using only your pinky finger.”).
- Working together requires give and take. It’s a great way to strengthen relationships and get to know more about each other. Consider asking them to be on your team in a competition, such as a trivia bowl. See if he would be willing to team up on a project, such as creating a piece of art. Or perhaps you could invite her to participate in a volunteer or charitable activity with you, such as a community trash pick-up.
These 3 C’s all require some level of creativity to get the ball rolling, but they can be an excellent warm up to suggesting a date, because they show you’re a person who values the effort of getting to know someone better than just what is visible on the surface.
The art of pacing
According to Psychic Serena, “The first time you decide to meet a potential date, make it short and sweet. A man falls in love with a woman in her absence. Even if you want to spend more time together, please do NOT. Instead, meet for a coffee, in a public place, and be sure you have something planned, right after, within an hour. Rule of thumb: there is to be no talk about past relationships, and no complaints or judgments. Ask the person more questions and show that you are interested.”
Psychic Shoshonna likens dating to the interview process. It doesn’t sound very romantic but allowing some part of your brain to process your encounter like a job interview can be helpful. “Assuming you did your work to identify a list of characteristics you are looking for in a relationship, when you meet someone to whom are you attracted, take some time to get to know them. In other words, you are interviewing that person to be your relationship. When you feel an instant attraction and connection with someone upon first meeting them, keep in mind the interview process takes time, so get to know the person; there is no need to rush things. You want to make sure they align with your list of attributes after which you can allow the relationship to nurture and evolve.”
If you are not interested, be kind, and just say, “it was such a pleasure meeting you." And leave it at that. No texting, no ongoing wishes. Do not give out false hope. It is just as damaging as if someone were to do it to you.”
How to make a good first impression
“Social mores have indeed changed. The only problem with the new freedom is that some of us no longer know what to do anymore,” explains Psychic Stasch. “While social structures in the past were more rigid, at least everyone knew what to do. Now, with a more “free form society,” it is becoming more difficult to separate good manners from poor ones.”
The saying is true, you only have one chance to make a first impression. Dating is chaotic; presentation is critical. Talking without a filter or forgetting common courtesy makes a difference. So make sure you are armed with what to do and not to do basics. Here is some of Stasch’s best advice for mastering the first impression on a date.
Signs of chemistry
One of the things you’ll each be assessing on a date is signs of chemistry. If you’ve been away from the dating scene for a while, you may second guess yourself; our advisors offer these signs of chemistry.
- You Tease Each Other. If you're comfortable with each other, you're more likely going to be playful and show signs of affection through joking. Some people use comedy as their go-to flirting tool. If their teasing comes off as cute, tease back.
- You Turn Each Other On. If you can become turned on by simply looking - or even smelling - your partner, you have a certain level of chemistry that can't be denied. In a scientific sense, pheromones are the natural, unique scent that each person has and gives off around him or her.
- You Notice the Little Things. This might be the mole located on an arm, or maybe a scar from childhood. It's these types of little things that can signify there’s some chemistry at work.
- You're More Mellow. You might be more open to new experiences and feel relaxed when you're around your date. A relationship should bring out the best in you, and this might also make you feel ambitious when it comes to everything from new cuisines to hobbies.
How to read body language
Our Advisors hear this question from clients all the time, “Does he or she find me attractive?” Here are some ways you can use your own discernment to tell. If you’re getting confusing signals, you can certainly turn to one of our psychics to ask that they look deeper into the situation using their gifts.
- Pay attention to where he or she is facing. Look at the direction their body is facing the next time you’re having a conversation. If they turn toward you so your bodies are facing one another, this is a classic sign of physical attraction. The further they’re turned, the more interested they are in something more than just your conversation. Someone who faces straightforward or crosses their legs away in the opposite direction is pulling away.
- Follow their gaze. Go out to dinner together or arrange for a leisurely meal at home. Don’t try this if you’re eating in front of the television or your results will be skewed. Follow their eyes as they’re talking to you. If they’re attracted to you, you’ll notice that their eyes linger on yours and perhaps drift appreciatively to other parts of your body. Someone who’s more focused on their food, other diners, and other distractions may be less attracted. In dating, eye contact is truly a make-or-break indicator.
- Note the “accidental” touch. Whether it's an arm graze or a hip bump, don't disregard this indicator or interest. For example, by putting his arm on your elbow or small of your back while walking, a man is not just acting gentlemanly; he wants the other men in the room to know that you two came together, and he's definitely sending you a signal of his desire.
- Notice the little things. It’s unfair to accuse your significant other of feeling cool toward you if you aren’t giving them proper credit for their actions. Does she brew coffee for you in the morning, or does he put gas in your car? If someone goes out of their way to see you smile, there’s a good chance they’re attracted to you.
Dating advice for women looking for Mr. Right
When it comes to finding Mr. Right, one of the biggest challenges is knowing what you’re looking for. After all, Mr. Right isn’t the same for everyone. This is why our psychics focus so much on preparing to let love in, and really getting in touch with who and what you’re searching for. For instance, Mr. Right has a way of making you incredibly happy, whatever that means to you. Whether you’re getting together for a quick lunch during a busy workday or you’re planning a weeklong getaway together, you genuinely look forward to spending time with him. Even a text or a call is enough to make your heart skip a beat.
Stop Dating “Mr. Right Now.” One of the biggest barriers to finding Mr. Right is wasting your time with Mr. Right Now. You’ve undoubtedly known at least one of these candidates because they have a habit of appearing when you’re susceptible to distractions. So how can you identify the Mr. Right Now in your life? He’s the type who only connects with you late at night or when he doesn’t have anything better to do, doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family, and declines to talk about anything serious. When you aren’t at your best, he’ll probably make up an excuse not to spend time together and leave you hanging.
It may sound counterintuitive, but the best way to find your Mr. Right may be to stop searching so diligently. As many relationship experts can attest, the deepest bonds tend to build when you aren’t necessarily looking for a connection, and your feelings for each other grow naturally.
After all, your Mr. Right may not check all the boxes that you think are important. He may not look like your ideal partner, share your taste in music and culture, or have any of the traits that you’d look for in Mr. Right Now. Yet he may offer exactly the type of love, support, and commitment you’ve always wanted, as long as you’re willing to let go of the shallow connections and emotional roller coasters that Mr. Right Now offers. Decide that you’re worth it and spend your dating energy on finding someone worthy of your time and attention.
Yes, you have to put yourself out into the social world and be patient. Yes, you have to trust the Universe that if you want to find love, love will find you. Don’t give up just because you haven’t found the right partner, or a promising relationship didn’t work out. Take the time you need to heal and put yourself right back out there. Psychic Indigo shared this story:
Dating advice for men – Don’t be afraid of empowered women
When you're looking to date, you may come across many empowered, strong women who buck the traditional gender roles and take matters into their own hands. Dating a woman with these beliefs and ambitions can be different, especially if you've dated more traditional types, but don't let that difference hold you back. Strong women are perfectly capable of loving fully and deeply and are seeking meaningful relationships as well.
- She's Not a Damsel in Distress. A strong woman isn't looking for a partner to rescue her or save her from anything in her life. Rather, she will figure out how to change her own life and make improvements. She can run her own errands, clean up her own messes, and attend events on her own. Although she may be used to flying solo, the modern woman doesn't necessarily always want to do everything on her own. She just doesn't need you to fix anything for her, unless she asks you to do so.
- Understand Her Focus on Her Career. A few decades ago, a woman with professional ambitions was almost unheard of, especially after she got married and had children. Women today often focus heavily on their careers and how they can move up to become more successful and find more fulfillment. If you're looking for someone to stay home, abandon their work, and raise the kids, this type of woman probably won't be the right fit for you. A modern, empowered woman might be open to a different dynamic, such as a stay-at-home dad, or be more interested in hiring a nanny or finding good childcare.
- She's Rarely Needy or Co-Dependent. A healthy, empowered woman generally knows how to fulfill her own needs, so she won't rely on you to do so for her. She may have certain desires that you can help with, but she is more likely looking for a partner rather than a knight in shining armor.
- She Still Likes Affection. Independence and empowerment don't take away the human need to feel valued. If you're dating a woman who is able to take care of herself, don't let that stop you from giving her affection and compliments. It's important to feel like your romantic partner appreciates what you bring to the relationship and knowing how to best provide that to one another can create a more fulfilling partnership.
The empowered and modern woman is an excellent partner for someone who isn't afraid of strength and ambition. She can provide for her own needs but can still appreciate you and what you bring to the relationship, as well as what you can become together. A live psychic chat can give you more insight into how you can become an excellent partner for a modern woman.
Are you waiting for them to call?
Conventional wisdom says that if the person you are dating calls regularly just to check in, this shows that they’re thinking of you throughout the day and want to know how you are doing. Or that if you notice the person you’re seeing suddenly takes up the same hobbies as you or begins watching your favorite shows it’s a sign that they want to share the same interests so that the two of you have things in common and can keep good conversation. Or that they won’t want to introduce you to family or make time to meet yours unless they’re interested in a future with you. These things can indicate interest, but can also indicate just about anything, obsession, codependency, etc – in short, they’re not a failsafe guide. And trying too hard to read between the lines for signs can create a cycle of anxiety that is anything but healthy for you.
Instead of waiting by the phone, constantly checking texts, emails, and phone messages to see where things stand, here is a better approach than obsessing over whether the person you’re dating is falling for you. Enjoy the early moments in a relationship as they happen without worrying too much about what the future holds. Don't rush things. Live life as you've known it by keeping up your own interests and staying in touch with friends. By focusing solely on your new relationship and letting other things slide, you could lapse dangerously into suffocating a budding love affair before it gets off the ground.
But let’s say your emotions are still getting the better of you. It’s only human! Instead of waiting for him or her to call, here are some strategies to keep your mind occupied and your anxiety at bay.
- Re-Organize Your Living Room. Tidy up your home so it looks fresh and clean when your new love interest comes to pick you up for a date.
- Hone Your Culinary Skills. Try that new dish you've been dying to make. If your recipe turns out great, make it again for your special someone. If the dish needs improvement, it's best to find out now, with you as the only witness.
- Read a Book. Dive into a romance novel or learn something new. Either way, time will fly while waiting for the phone to ring. A book can also be a great conversation starter.
- Detail Your Car. You only get one shot for a good first impression, so why leave it up to chance? Since one of the first things your guy will see is your vehicle, it's a good idea to detail your wheels—especially if it's not clear from first glance whether you live in your home or your car.
- Teach Your Dog a New Trick. Despite the old adage, you can teach both new and old dogs tricks. If your dog knows basic commands, expand on one. The command "down" can quickly turn into the command "rollover" with a simple hand gesture.
- Learn New Words. Pick out five new words from the dictionary and then practice using them in sentences. When the phone rings, you can try out one of your new phrases.
- Clean Out Your Refrigerator. Is it scary to think about what is lurking in the back of the bottom shelf? It's better you find it now than have someone ask, "What's that smell?" Throw out old items and scrub the refrigerator clean, then enjoy the rush of accomplishment when it's done.
- Research Something New. If you've always wondered about the difference between a clairaudient and a clairvoyant, now is a great time to learn. Think about how smart you will sound when you use the terms in a sentence and then can explain the difference.
Reasons why he didn't call you back
We've all heard this story before - two people go out on a great date, and the woman is left wondering why the man never called her back. This situation can be frustrating, especially when you experience it first-hand - why didn't he call you? Did you misperceive the date?
Psychic Arthur puts it plainly, “the main reasons for a guy to go radio-silent after a first date are simple: He’s not ready for a relationship or she’s not the one. Nothing more, nothing less.” Psychic Source Advisors offer a bit more insight into situations they’ve encountered, which back up Arthur’s assessment.
He only wanted a fling. This is one reason that many women don’t want to hear, but he didn’t go out with you to build a relationship – he might’ve just wanted to have some fun mixed with a little intimacy.
He’s not really ready for a relationship. Psychic Arthur advises, “in many cases, even if the guy’s online profile says he wants to be in a relationship (with great detail describing what he wants) it still doesn’t mean he’s actually ready for a relationship. In fact, the woman he’s just met may seem perfect, but if he realizes he’s not at a place in his life where he’s actually able to be in a serious relationship, he’s not going to call for a second date.” There is also the possibility that he is busy, he had a great time, but he hasn’t had a chance to give you a call. This can indicate that he isn’t in the same place you are – maybe you are more ready than he is for a relationship both emotionally and physically.”
He Was Being Polite. Some men go out with women because they simply don’t want to disappoint. In turn, this may lead you on, but he may have just wanted to be a polite guy and show you a good time. It is also possible that he is into you but is sitting around wondering if he made a good impression or if you were attracted to him. In today’s day and age, it is harder for men to know when to make the next move.
He was looking for something more. “Men keep a mental list of “must-haves,” as well as, “dos and don’ts” explains Arthur. “Now, if anything from that list happens to be missing, the guy’s probably not going to call after a first date because he feels “she’s not the one.”
According to Psychic Arthur, here are some first date behaviors that will guarantee the guy not calling:
- Don’t complain about all the bad things every man has ever done to you. Men hate this because they feel as if they are being blamed for what some other guy did to you.
- Don’t be too forward or give too much detail about past relationships, including sexual history. Men do not want to hear this. They want a girl they can take home to mom!
- Don’t have a chip on your shoulder or express some grudge towards all men, simply because they’re men. Men don’t enjoy man-haters.
- Don’t have sex on the first date. This may seem like a double standard, but if a guy’s really interested in a woman and she has sex with him too soon, he figures she probably does this all the time – even if she doesn’t. Rule of thumb: No sex before commitment.
So, the moral of the story: While a guy may say he wants a relationship, that doesn’t mean he’s ready or able to be in one. And while a woman’s list of expectations regarding men, marriage, and relationships is usually pretty long, a guy’s list is usually short. If he feels you lack some or all the qualities he’s looking for, he’s not going to call.
Should I contact him?
With all these things so up in the air what do you do? First, stop stressing that it is about you, that some failure on your part has kept him from calling. Secondly, if you really liked him and felt a connection, you can always make the first move. Text him, call him, or drop him an email. You have nothing to lose if you keep it brief and to the point. ‘I had a great time and I’m looking forward to getting together again soon.’ If he never writes back, you’ll know where you stand but if he does, you’ll have a much better indication of how he feels. Don’t get hung up on every word he says or writes, just be natural and let things unfold.
Do you have more questions about dating? Our experts can help.
How to Use Dating Apps to Find Love
The biggest online dating websites get plenty of publicity, but they aren't the only game in town. You might have better luck on a targeted website that attracts people with similar interests. Sites that focus on religion, age, or hobbies can help you find people who share common values, beliefs, and pastimes. Once you’ve chosen a few sites to try, here are some tips on making the most of dating apps.
First, show your true self. You wouldn't hide important parts of your personality and lifestyle from a romantic interest you met offline, and you shouldn't obscure your true self from online matches either. Since dating apps give potential matches more information to consider before deciding whether to move forward, make sure you're encouraging dates to swipe right for good reason. Ignore what you think you should include in your profile and feature your actual likes, dislikes, and desires. Besides, if you're honest (but confident), you'll attract people who truly align with your personality. However, avoid giving out details like your home or work address, phone number, or other details that could make it easy to find you. Share just enough to interest a potential partner.
Second, be honest about what you want. If you're anxious about finding love online, you might be tempted to be open to a variety of relationships you don't truly want. When you can't wait to settle down with your soulmate, refrain from indicating that you prefer casual encounters. Not only will selecting the option that reflects where you help filter out bad matches, but it also helps you get in the right matchmaking mindset.
Don’t be afraid to make the first move. You may never find the right match if you don't actively participate in every step of the online dating process. Rather than sitting back and waiting for matches to roll in, start perusing profiles and sending messages. Be sure to personalize the messages you send to increase your chances of piquing interest and starting a conversation. Rather than agreeing to meet every match in person, however, try communicating through the app to see if you truly click. Take the time to get to know each other online before talking on the phone or meeting in person. You'll make better use of your time and have a more successful outcome.
Evaluating your online connection
As you’re talking and texting with the people you meet online, here are some tips to evaluate the connection, aside from whatever chemistry you may feel.
1 – They're Responsive. Do you often feel you might be too needy or have too high of expectations? When both people are excited about the other, then there is no such thing as “too” needy, or “too” high of expectations. Both people will enjoy talking to the other, responding to texts and e-mails, and returning phone calls (people still do talk on the phone these days, right?) Unless you are expecting the other person to check in with you every time they make a move, you are not being “too” anything and should be getting communication not only in return but the other person should be initiating as well.
2 – They're Consistent. If he or she is truly the one, then they should be consistent with their communication. Long breaks in speaking, e-mails, or texts are a bad sign, regardless of their reason. We make time in our day for the things and people important to us and there is no excuse for a long absence in communication. Give them the benefit of the doubt if it happens once, but if you sense a pattern, it is likely a behavior that is not going to change or improve.
3 – They Show Respect. The way in which a person talks to you speaks volumes! Whether you communicate in person or other means you should be shown respect and consideration of your feelings and thoughts. Just as you should be mindful of their time allowed for communication and keep expectations reasonable, they too should be considerate of your need for communication.
4 – They Initiate Communication. When someone is truly into you, they will make the effort and take the time to reach out to you. You should never be the one doing all the work in a relationship. When someone is interested, they will initiate communication, arrange dates, and ask for time with you. Be sure that you allow them time to do so and are not overly aggressive or you could end up feeling they fail to initiate when you are not allowing them a chance to initiate first. Find that healthy middle ground!
The key to knowing if someone is truly the one is BALANCE. Both people should equally be doing their share of the work in building a healthy relationship and no one should ever feel an absence of the other reaching out or being present.
Decoding an online dating profile
Common online dating scams
If you’re new to online dating, you may be worried about dating scams. The key is to know the scam before you are roped into it. Here’s a classic scenario. It may not unfold exactly as Psychic Chris describes it but be wary if you see any of these elements or themes unfold.
Are they who they say they are?
Psychic Indigo offers these tips:
"First off, don’t invest too many emotions into someone you have never seen in person. It is ok to chat with the person and feel the person out through conversations online, but keep a safe emotional distance between you two until you are able to set up some sort of meeting (it is safe to do this in public places until you trust a person). If you know you fall in love easily and don’t know what you are getting into, then you are leaving yourself open to being hurt.
Second, take the time to talk over the phone when setting up a meeting. Hearing a voice will make a conversation more personable and most emotions are not going to be conveyed through text or a chat box. Plus, some people have portrayed themselves as something that they're not; it helps when there is a voice over the phone to know the difference. However, you can’t trust that the voice is what fits the picture.
Third, when something seems way too good to be true, it usually is. If this person is lying about who they are, there will be more lies in the future. Don’t believe everything you read. If you have the feeling that something seems off, trust that gut feeling. If you have a gut feeling that everything sounds perfect, call a Psychic Source Advisor. We'll give it a psychic once-over.
Lastly, if the person you have invested your time in keeps making excuses not to meet or won’t talk over the phone, then there is something wrong. It means this person is lying to you and doesn’t want to meet because then you will see the truth. If the person does not want to meet with you or talk over the phone, then don’t waste your emotions or your time texting or chatting online. There are plenty of truthful people out there wanting a real relationship."
Tips for meeting offline
So, you met this great person online and you decide to meet offline? There are some basic guidelines that you can follow to safely take it to the next level.
How do they respond to the suggestion of meeting in person? If someone is truly into you they will not only want to see you but they will not be able to wait too long to do so. Granted, sometimes distance or finances can hold up the process of meeting in person but when someone wants to accomplish something, they won’t allow things to stand in the way forever.
On the other hand, do not be pressured into meeting before you feel comfortable. If someone new is TOO aggressive about meeting in person, they might not be all they claim to be online.
Make sure you are meeting when it feels right and ALWAYS meet in a public location the first time! Especially if you live alone, casually let a friend know who you’re meeting and where you’re going with a promise to tell them all about it the next day. Be sure to have your own transportation or a plan to get home on your own. And yes, our psychics generally agree that it is best to not leave together on the first date with someone you’ve just met.
First dates can be intimidating but try to look forward to them with excitement. After all, each first date brings you one step closer to finding love. Like dating offline, dating online doesn't result in overnight success. Approach any dating app with an open mind, an ability to block out unwanted attention, and an interest in making genuine connections. Focus on finding love, and you might discover that your perfect match is right there waiting for you.
How to Evaluate a Long-Term Relationship
When two people first meet, there can be many factors at play, and sometimes it can be an underlying physical attraction that leads to something much more profound. Very often, there is a type of relationship that gets carried over from one lifetime to the next. The person you are attracted to is very comfortable to be around, and they seem familiar, and it’s not just from a human level; this a soul completion taking place. You may have found a soul mate who compliments you, but it could also be a karmic connection that will push you to grow. You may find this quiz helpful in determining How to Know if Someone is Your Soulmate. Our Love Psychics are specialists in helping you decode the signs and evaluate your love connection.
Is it love or lust?
There are times we think we found the one, but in reality, what we found is the one who makes us feel sexually charged. Now, there is nothing wrong with feeling excited and desirable by others. However, we do need to be careful in not confusing lust for love. It is true both love and lust activate the neurotransmitters in the brain known as oxytocin that make us feel happy and loving.
Oxytocin is a chemical that is released when we encounter individuals that excite us and spark our desires. Often those chemicals trigger emotions that feel make us so awesome that we often confuse the feelings of lust for love. However, do not lose hope, because what usually starts as pure lust does eventually can turn into true love.
Feeling those telltale butterflies in your stomach, feeling heat when you exchange a glance, and simply feeling good in the other person's presence are all signs that you have good chemistry. If you're happy in their presence despite whatever else you have going on, and they feel the same, there's certainly shared attraction.
Keep in mind, before we can begin to love someone, we first start with desire and feeling attracted to the person. This means we generally start with a spark way before we feel deep connected love. Chemistry can help jump-start any relationship. When you have great chemistry, often you'll feel like your partner is the only other person in the world. Chemistry can be the key to keeping a relationship going for years to come. However, it's not the only thing that's important.
Chemistry vs. Compatibility
People tend to use chemistry and compatibility as interchangeable terms to describe the dynamic between the people in a relationship. They’re not the same thing. Though both describe an intangible connection, it's important to understand the differences between the two.
When your values and lifestyle choices naturally align with how another person lives their life, that signals compatibility. It happens naturally and can't be forced, and it's a great indication of the potential for long-term success between two people.
People who are truly compatible share similar values. Educated people tend to go for other educated people, religious people tend to end up with other religious people, and the list goes on. Even if you get along wonderfully with someone, it's hard to build a relationship long-term with someone whose moral values oppose yours enormously.
On the other hand, chemistry is that emotional connection you have when you're in each other's presence. You make each other feel better simply by being together. You'll feel like no time goes by when you're up all night talking.
But there's a downside to this. Sometimes you're spellbound by this intense chemistry and disregard how the other person is treating you. You can get trapped in the good feelings chemistry creates and ignore some really unhealthy components of a relationship. An online psychic reading can help you figure out if you have both chemistry and compatibility with another person.
“The key to obtaining love is through ongoing emotional reinforcement and actions that make us feel wanted and connected” explains Psychic Minerva. “We often forget that love is a verb, which means it does require actions such as open communication, active listening, patience, honesty, respect, acts of affection, and most of all commitment. To create love, you must allow it to flourish and grow naturally through kindness, patience, and respect of boundaries. Just don’t mistake the often primal feelings of lust for something deeper known as love without understanding their important distinctions. Love will not automatically happen because you went out to dinner and had a great conversation or had passionate sex. Love does not come because you feel the person is right or you should be together. Love is a mutual act of connecting that only strengthens with time and patience.”
Qualities of a good relationship
When you start a relationship, everything seems rosy. You are happy and in love, and sometimes it can be hard to see when things may not be quite right. There can be a world of difference between a relationship that is fulfilling in the moment and one that is healthy and loving in the long term. Learning how to spot the difference can save you from heartache.
- Emotional maturity is key to a healthy relationship. Though someone's age may show how many years they've been on earth, it doesn't tell you much more than that. Emotional maturity comes from learning the lessons from life experience, especially how to manage and express feelings effectively. An emotionally mature individual knows and owns their challenges, and can answer questions like: Am I stuck in any negative patterns of behavior? What pushes my buttons and how do I react? When do I personalize negative feedback, and when do I take it as an opportunity? An emotionally mature person thinks before they react and chooses words with care.
- Fights are Productive. One of the biggest signs that you are in a good relationship is that fights are productive. You and your partner don’t scream or resort to name-calling, you don’t condescend or feel bullied into saying something you will regret later, be it bringing up something horrible from the past or agreeing to something to which you would never normally agree. Instead, fights are productive. Compromises are reached and voices kept calm.
- You Feel Physically Confident. Another sign you are in a good relationship is that you feel confident about your body when you are with the other person. No matter how often you look in the mirror and think you need to lose a few pounds, you feel sexually attractive to your partner, and that gives you confidence about the way you look in the bedroom, as well as outside of it.
- You Respect Differences. In the best relationships, you respect each other’s differences as well. You don’t ignore your partner’s preferences and they don’t ignore yours. For instance, if you know your partner hates folding laundry and you don’t have strong feelings on the subject either way, you do the folding. Likewise, if you love attending the symphony and don’t have anyone to go with you, your partner doesn’t expect you to go alone.
- You Communicate Well. The best relationships have the best communication. Whether the matter is money or related to the bedroom, you can talk about your goals and desires, fears, and fantasies. You are open with your opinions and feelings and create an open environment so that your partner can be equally expressive. At the same time, you are also comfortable being silent together. In those moments, you may not be talking but you are communicating something very important – namely, that you want to be there, in those moments, together.
- Personalities are Separate. Too often in relationships, people tend to meld into their partners’ lives or two people meet in the middle on common interests and often abandon their own unique preferences. While it is important to put the “we” before the “me” — the best relationships include involving both partners when making long-term decisions and lifestyle choices — but the two people remain separate. They each continue to develop their own personal growth, foster personal interests, and develop friendships outside the relationship. The most successful couples have their own lives and can share their experiences apart when they get back together. When this is the case, your relationship isn't threatened when he wants a sports night with the guys or you're looking for a night out with the girls.
- There’s a Foundation of Trust. Being in a committed relationship doesn't mean each party suddenly forgets that there are other attractive people in the world. You don't question his or her loyalty and devotion. You can tell the truth and share your thoughts and feelings without fear of losing them nor feeling judged. Likewise, a guy who is husband material realizes that you're not suddenly unaware that others are attractive. He simply trusts you.
- You Genuinely Like Each Other. We've often heard people say he or she is my best friend, which means aside from being in love with them you like hanging out and being in their company. Your partner loves and accepts you the way you are, shortcomings and all. You see beyond their exterior and relate to his/her soul, and you each like what you see.
Red Flags: 8 signs they’re not who you think they are
When it comes to love, it is easy to give someone the benefit of the doubt. After all, with something this strong, they must be feeling it too, right? Right? The problem is that some people not only don’t deserve it, but they will take advantage of your kindness, as our Advisors discuss in this video. Luckily, like in poker, everyone has a tell. There are some red flags that are unmistakable signs that your person isn’t who you think they are.
- They Complain a Lot. You have to ask yourself whether you want to spend your life with someone who has a negative outlook on life. Some people think everyone’s out to get them or cheat them. It’s draining on their partner to listen to that kind of negative talk. It’s unlikely you’ll be able to change their perspective in the long-term. Instead of trying to change them or stick it out, it’s better to end the relationship before it gets too serious.
- They Don’t Like Being Discussed. It is perfectly natural to talk to your friends about your relationship – and anyone worth being with will understand that. They will also understand that you may want to discuss them with an online psychic or get a love tarot reading. Confident people don’t mind. If your person has an issue with being discussed, they’re probably not who you think they are.
- They Aren’t Responsive. While it is unnatural to expect an immediate text back, you should expect a reply. If your person isn’t replying to your texts or messages and you know their phone is practically attached to their hand, consider whether they’re reciprocating with you in other ways. Taking a long time to respond or not responding at all can also mean that there is someone else taking their time.
- They Don’t Consider Your Needs. If they only make dates with you at the last minute, forget to call you, or absolutely refuse to go to events with you, they’re probably not who you think they are. If you’re not feeling like you’re a priority, you may be right.
- They Try to Control You. Attempts to be controlling can take different forms, for example, frequent texts and questions about where you are and who you’re with. Anyone who wants to control you is not someone who’s looking for a true partnership.
- They Think Everyone Else Has the Problem. When you meet someone who says that all their exes are crazy or that all their bosses have had it out for them, run (don’t walk) in the opposite direction. In both cases, they are the common denominator.
- They Lie. Some people are chronic liars, and many have something to hide. Recognize that there’s a fine line between withholding information and outright lying. For example, instead of telling you the whole truth, they just tell you part of what happened. Or they embellish all the good parts and leave out big parts of the story. Any shortcomings regarding honesty are red flags. If you catch someone in a lie, no matter how small, it is time to have a serious conversation.
- They Isolate You. Anyone who discourages or prevents you from seeing or contacting your family and friends is bad news. In fact, this is a prime indicator of a potentially abusive situation. Bear in mind that discouraging can take many forms. For example, always speaking negatively about your family or friends and refusing to accompany you to holiday gatherings can send a powerful message of disapproval. They may be discouraging you from being around your support network because they’ll alert you to their controlling and abusive ways. Anyone who isn’t enthusiastic about the people you love isn’t a good fit for you.
The difference between love and an obsession
There are times when a relationship ends and there isn’t closure. If you’re holding on to hope, believing the relationship isn’t really over, your evaluation needs to consider this additional aspect. Our love Advisors help people navigate through this scenario more often than you might expect.
So when does holding on to hope turn into actual obsession? “There’s a fine line between the two” explains Psychic Monique. “First, there’s nothing wrong with keeping the faith that the person you love will return to you with open arms. However, when “holding on” begins to interfere with your thoughts and actions, then it could become a problem.”
It’s not mentally healthy to continuously focus on someone else’s life, especially if they made the choice to end the relationship. Sometimes relationships will reconcile and sometimes they won’t. Constantly obsessing over if someone will call or text is not a way to live. If it’s meant to be then things will happen on their own but rarely in your desired time frame. Letting go of someone doesn’t mean you don’t love them anymore. It’s giving them the space and respect to let them move on without being in a committed relationship with you.
So, when your love for someone becomes obsessive then it’s time to re-evaluate your intentions. Learn your own self-worth and find your inner confidence again. Don’t let a break-up define your future. If someone broke up with you, then maybe they did you a favor. Everyone deserves to feel loved and needed. Consider it their loss if they’ve chosen not to remain your significant other. Keep in mind that when one door closes another one opens. Don’t let your love for someone turn into obsession. Hold on to the happy memories and realize that breaking up is not the end of the world.
How to know if the relationship is worth it
On-again, off-again relationships can feel exhilarating, but they can also cause a lot of pain. Some worthwhile relationships do take more time to develop, but other relationships aren't worth the trouble they bring. Here are some questions to ask yourself to decide if your relationship can work in the long run, or if it's just a waste of your time.
- Is it Still Fun? If spending time with your on-again, off-again partner is starting to feel like a chore, the struggle likely isn't worth it in the end. Of course, you can't expect your partner to act perfectly all the time, but you need to be able to count on this person. No longer having any fun spending time with your partner? That's a surefire sign it isn't going to work out in the long run.
- Do You Live for the Drama? Some people grow addicted to the drama of on-again, off-again relationships. If you're just sticking with it for the high getting back together gives you, this isn't a healthy relationship. Getting a love tarot card reading can help you pinpoint the reasons you stay in or return to your relationship. And if the reason isn't love, it's time to reconsider things.
- Does it Only Work for One? Are you only seeing your partner on their terms? You can't constantly arrange your life based on someone else's. Sure, it may feel great to be back on good terms. In the long run, only going on one person's terms will make the other feel undervalued. If you're not getting what you want out of your relationship as it stands today (not how it might be in a month or a year), you're wasting your time on something that isn't working.
- Has Anything Changed? Many people go back to these types of relationships with the promise of change. Has anything changed this time, or is it an illusion? Having a chat with a psychic online can help you figure this out. When your partner keeps going back to the same ways, you should take it as a sign that the relationship won't work for the long haul. If you're dissatisfied now, you'll most likely keep feeling this way.
- Are You Being Manipulated? Take a moment to assess what makes you stay or return to this relationship. If you love the person and want to be with them, that's one thing. If they're getting you to stay through guilt, the relationship isn't worth it. No one else's happiness is your responsibility.
- Is This the Easy Choice? You shouldn't stay with someone just because it's the easiest thing to do. You may find yourself doubting that you can find love, so you may choose to fall back on someone you do have, but that will only stop you from finding love in all its real forms.
Should you get back together with an ex?
If you feel like you've exhausted all of your options when it comes to dating, you might be compelled to go back through your little black book and see if an ex wants you back. Specifically, you may try to patch things up with your last boyfriend if you think that your relationship was special. However, it's not always a good idea to try to revive the past. In some instances, your old flame might turn out to be more hassle than he's worth. Here are some questions to ask yourself before you decide to give it another try, assuming he shares your goals.
- Do You Feel That You Won't Meet Someone Else? Many women try to revive their relationships because they feel like they're running out of time, according to their biological clock. Desperation may fuel your desire to reconcile with your ex, and this is a bad reason to do so. Don't assume that there aren't other fish in the sea just because no one has been biting lately!
- What Does Your Gut Tell You? It's a good idea to take your intuition into account when it comes to matters of the heart. If you're diving into this situation and you immediately hear a voice in your head say, "Don't do it," take a few moments to listen. Ask yourself why you might be thinking this - there could be a good reason for your gut reaction to the prospect of getting back together.
- Are You Trying To Get Back What You Had? It's impossible to go back into the past and completely live this portion of your life all over again. It’s relatively unrealistic to think that you and your partner will have everything back to "normal" when you decide to reconcile. If you're going to start fresh, you need to acknowledge that the situation is going to be brand new - you need to create a foundation again to build a stable relationship.
OK, you decide you want to rekindle your old flame and give your ex another chance. Sometimes it’s worth it, but sometimes it keeps you stuck in an old pattern. Trust is a major factor in most relationships, and there are many ways your partner can make or break it. If your relationship ended because of cheating, it’s not in your best interest to give him another shot, and if you always had to worry about where he was or who he was with, he’s not worth your time. Likewise, if he broke your trust by emotionally or physically abusing you, don’t give him a second thought.
Sometimes breakups result in big life changes. Rebuilding your life after the end of a relationship can mean finding a new circle of friends, developing new habits, or relocating to a new city. Often life changes of this size mean you’ve truly moved on and reintroducing your ex into your new life would require major changes that wouldn’t be productive. If you’ve completely put your old relationship behind you, it’s not worth your time to give your ex a second chance.
Love can be fickle, and your former love may have a whole host of reasons for wanting you back. Does she really mean it, though? If she only tells you she wants to rekindle the flame after she’s had a few drinks or when she’s lonely late at night, it’s probably just a fleeting desire. If she sees how well you’re doing after the breakup and reacts to your career success or new relationship prospects, it’s probably just jealousy talking. If you can see right through her or if she seems insincere, don’t give her the benefit of the doubt by granting her a second chance.
When you’re not sure whether to let an ex back into your life, remember that whatever you choose should be the best decision for you. Don’t take advice from anyone who doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Talk over the situation with trusted friends or family members or call a psychic line for unbiased advice.
Friends with benefits
While most women are abstract thinkers, men are not. So, while in the throngs of a “friends with benefits” situation, many women will start romanticizing the time they are spending with their “friend,” feeling they are actually in some kind of relationship. Often, they believe if they “stick it out long enough,” the guy will come to his senses and want to be with her. Psychic Arthur provides this example based on countless sessions with clients:
Are you receiving the love you deserve?
Often, we wonder if someone loves us as much as we love them. The fact is everyone loves differently, and rarely do they love any two people the same way. Just because a person has loved someone in the past very deeply does not mean they cannot have the same depth of love for you. It is only that their love for you is unique to you just as is your connection with each other, things you share, and where each of you are at in your own personal journeys.
Instead of asking “Do they love me?” ask yourself, are you receiving the kind of love you want, need, and deserve? If you are receiving what you need from the other, you are loved. If the other person is making effort in the relationship, you are loved. If you feel loved, you are loved, but are you loved enough? Each of us have our own expectations in love and while someone may love you with every fiber of their being, that still may not be enough to make you feel it.
You should ask yourself if your expectations are based upon a lack of giving and receiving, or if you are doing all the work in the relationship. It could also be that you are carrying baggage from a past relationship where your needs were not met into this current relationship, passing the buck onto your new love. If you are in your current relationship with an open mind and heart you should not expect your current love to make up for the lack of a past love. If you are truly giving your 100% to your love, yet not receiving the love you need in return, it doesn’t matter how much they love you. Simply put, if you do not feel loved, it is not enough.
It is also not fair to yourself, or your partner to compare your love for each other to past loves. Seek to discover if the love you are giving one another is strong enough in the here and now, and if it is growing to bring about the result you desire of being together forever.
The only category your love needs to fall in is one of mutual effort, mutual support, and mutual desire to keep that love growing!
Have you found your soulmate?
Soul mates are the highly sought out type of people we want to lock arms with. Soulmates are not always partners and lovers. They can show up as family members and life-long friends, as well as potential romantic partners. However, a soul mate connection is something many people long for in their relationship.
We all strive to discover people of like-mind, who resonate with us on levels that most people would never understand. Your tribe is out there, and these soul mates are simply waiting for that connection.
So what’s the difference between a good friend and a soul mate? Here are five signs to look for, from Psychic Darius.
These characteristics make a soul mate connection the romantic standard to which many people aspire. But be aware that, a soul mate relationship is the hardest one we’ll ever have because it’s that person who knows us so well that they come into our lives to push our buttons so that we finally grow. If you have the good fortune of having a soul mate relationship in your life right now, congratulations. However, if you’re still looking for that spark of perfection in someone else, then get ready to start working on yourself, so that when you do find him or her, you get to experience the deep love, deep understanding, caring, and laughter. And yes, sometimes even pain.
What is the difference between soul mates and twin flames?
Soul mates are people who touch your life in an intense, deeply connected way, more so than your average friend or family member. These connections are meaningful, and most of the time, happen instantaneously. A soul mate will understand you on a level that no one else can because your souls have traveled through time together, meeting up at different, meaningful stages of your life.
This can be a romance, a family member, or a best friend. It can be someone you have just met that instantly inspires trust and understanding in a way no stranger ever should. Soul mates bring a deeper, more meaningful understanding of our place in the universe and where we are in our soul’s journey. Some soul mates are present throughout our lives while others are only here for a little while, helping us grow and prepare for the next stage.
“Twin Flames are something else entirely,” explains Psychic Narnia. “Twin Flames are a special, rare experience that unfortunately not everyone will get to have. They result from when one spirit long ago separated into two halves. Twin flames can come and go throughout different lifetimes and may not even connect in some of your experiences. If during a specific life one or both of you are not at a stage of maturity to accept the other, then it can even be a difficult and painful occurrence to find your twin flame. Your souls feel they should be together, but for whatever reason, they are not ready for the reunification.”
Sometimes twin flame meetings can overwhelm one or both parties. One person may be afraid because the other sees too deeply into their soul, leaving them feeling vulnerable and raw. That person might choose to run instead of facing what makes this connection so intense. This can leave the other person confused and bereft at the loss, even if it is only a first meeting, resulting in self-doubt and unhappiness. Narnia explains,
There is a theory that twin flames can only reunite in a lasting relationship when both souls are ready to move on from this plane of existence. So, if you’ve met someone and had an intense reaction that makes no rational sense, that doesn’t mean there isn’t a reason behind it. It might be something that you aren’t ready for or don’t fully comprehend yet. Give yourself time to grow and learn. If the person is truly a soul mate or twin flame, they will come back to you when you’re both ready. “
Never let the concept of a “fated” relationship, be it a soul mate or a twin flame, become an excuse for a bad relationship. Psychic Pantera explains that he has seen these romantic notions create more harm than good. “Twin Flame sounds like a lovely romantic notion but all too often it is used as an excuse for abuse, philandering, or lackluster relationships. The thing is, there is Free Will in the universe. Free will overrides all other things including “fated” relationships.”
Free Will gives you the power over every aspect of your life and allows you to change that which you do not like and make it something more in tune with your universe. Yes, you have the power even to turn away from a bad relationship even if you feel it is fate.
Trust your intuition about love
“Intuition leads to love,” explains Psychic Anaelle, a psychic Advisor and a former domestic violence counselor. “Our intuition leads us to the love and joy we are seeking. When we choose not to listen, our lives become more difficult. Think of a time when you had a feeling, and you chose not to be obedient to that feeling. I remember, many times hearing my intuition and then ignoring it, things went from bad to worse. Now, remember the time you listened, and things went well. You know how to listen and obey.”
Our intuition is meant to keep us safe and protected. It is the still small voice that you hear in the deepest part of you. Intuition may be a knowing or feeling that expresses in your body. The hairs on your body may stand up, chills or a gut feeling may happen, be sure to pay attention to those signs. Intuition, gut instinct, feelings, vibes, psychic abilities, or even Spidey Sense… call it whatever you want, you have it, we all have the ability. Like all abilities, they may be developed. You will need to practice using your intuition.
“Your intuition will provide you with the most amazing journey,” she says. “Synchronicities will line up, you will meet people, have great ideas, and see people you have not seen in years. The quality of your life will improve, your life will have more ease and grace.” Practicing listening to your inner voice will be an invaluable tool in your journey to find, evaluate, maintain, and let go of love.
How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship with Your Partner
You meet the man (or woman) of your dreams, fall happily in love, and then BAM – reality sets in. Anyone who has been in a long-term relationship understands that it’s not always butterflies and rainbows.
The early stages of impressing one another and loving every little thing about your partner tend to fade quickly. You’re left wondering how you got where you are, and why you’re fighting over who left their socks in the living room. It doesn’t mean you’re not madly in love anymore. It just means you’re comfortable.
So why does this happen? Why do even the most perfect, happy couples have their blowouts from time to time?
It has nothing to do with the health of the relationship or whether you’re with your soul mate. It’s because you’re not dating yourself. Think about it: each one of us has such unique, quirky, distinguishing characteristics. And you’re not going to agree on everything; it’s simply impossible. This doesn’t mean that, as humanity, we’re doomed and will never find true happiness in another individual. It just means you’ve got to give a little.
“To maintain a healthy relationship, you need to get comfortable with being wrong,” says Jessica, a Psychic Advisor. “It doesn’t mean you’ll never be right but if you’re too stubborn to admit defeat, get ready for a lot of turmoil.” Be ready to apologize, even if you haven't done anything wrong: apologies are your lifeline to contain the damage made during arguments. It doesn't matter who was right, what matters is who is going to be the first person to help rectify the situation back into one of happiness? Bearing a grudge never solved anything. A great relationship is one in which both partners understand that there is no monopoly on being right, nor is there a moral high ground to aspire to. Choose your battles carefully. To quote Wayne Dyer, Given the choice to be right or be kind, always choose kind.” A willingness to compromise is essential. Instead of breaking a stalemate with a compromise that is less than ideal, see if you can instead agree to take turns, for example, do one this week and the other the next.
Listen to the other person's point of view, even if you don't agree. “Ask yourself if the other party has a valid point,” counsels Psychic Adele. “Oftentimes one's ego gets too hurt to even hear what other people are saying. You have to learn to let go of your position. Remember that each person has something valuable to contribute.” And keep things positive and fresh. If you’re always focusing on the negative, you’ll only feel and think negatively.”
Resentment is a silent relationship killer. It doesn't always develop because of a big fight or a serious falling out. In fact, it often occurs slowly over time, growing stronger as you feed it. “I receive many calls referring to forms of resentment, and how to deal with this feeling, which is sometimes more difficult than a simple answer, because resentment doesn't just happen overnight, it builds and grows into an uncontrollable obsession with time,” explains Psychic Crystal, who shares this story:
“It is so important to keep your power, explains Advisor Bella Skye. “Many of us stop doing things that make us happy in order to accommodate our partner's wishes. If you are not hurting or deceiving your partner then continue to dance and do hobbies and share your stories with your loved one. Live your life fully and embrace and love yourself for all that you are and everything that you accomplish. Be yourself and always show your love. It is so important to live life fully, in a good space that can not only help your current relationships, but also the whole of all that resides in us and around us.”
The Love Advisors at Psychic Source have lots of practical and metaphysical advice for maintaining a healthy relationship, based on years of experience coaching thousands of individuals through their relationship challenges. Here are the keys to maintaining a healthy relationship:
- Express Your Feelings
- Actively Listen
- Learn Your Partner's Love Language
- Beware of Complacency
- Maintain Healthy Boundaries
- Raise Your Love Vibration
- Keep Passion Alive
Ready to learn more? Keep reading.
Express your feelings
According to Psychic Indigo, many people she has counseled tend to hide their true feelings because of fear. “In most people, it is the fear of what your lover will think, or the fear of being hurt that holds you back. You feel that by not saying anything at all, you are protecting your heart from being hurt. However, the reality of it is, when you don’t say anything at all, and your partner doesn’t know how you feel, then you are hurting yourself. Eventually, your lover will be upset at not knowing, and a period of separation happens. Everything could have been avoided if you had just spit it out. You would not be beating yourself up right now if you had just said it.”
Take it from our psychics: even the most intuitive individual can read another person’s thoughts. If you do not voice your feelings, your partner will never know how you feel, and vice versa. “State what you want out loud,” counsels Advisor Tina Lee. “Sometimes all you need is a hug and for them to tell you that you're the only one for them. It’s helpful and direct, and they don't have to figure out what you need because you just told them.”
Consider your words carefully, then express your emotions as thoughtfully as possible. Try starting all sentences with "I." Instead of telling loved ones what or who they are, tell them how you feel. Acknowledge that their perspectives might differ from yours.
Imagine how much better you would feel just speaking these words out loud, offers Indigo:
On the other hand, say what you mean and mean what you say. “I don't know how many times I get a call from a client who has told their boyfriend to leave and not come back, and they are wondering when he is going to come back!” recounts Psychic Rainbow. “We cannot go through a relationship saying one thing and meaning another: this just confuses the other party, and eventually they will become so frustrated they will take you up on the one offer you did not mean for them to take seriously, and they will leave.”
There's listening, and then there's listening well. Learning to truly listen is essential to any strong relationship. If a partner feels like you tune them out or don't value their feelings, resentment is sure to follow. Fortunately, the opposite is also true. Feeling intimate and close can pull a pair through difficulties together when times get tough. And sharing thoughts and feelings can develop the intimacy needed to make friendships and romantic relationships go the distance.
Verbal and nonverbal cues tell a friend or partner whether you're truly listening to them. Making sure you're showing you're not distracted also helps you actually tune in. Pay attention to your body language. It's not just your ears that do the listening. Your body works, too. Keep your eyes on the person you're communicating with and lean forward. It will show you're listening — and help you do so. Cut out distractions that pull from your ability to listen. Turn off the computer and television and silence your cell phone. That goes for texting, too.
Then, make sure you listen to the whole conversation. That seems easy enough, but many people lose focus by trying to build their own case. Don't try to debate. Instead, really hear what your partner is saying. Say things that tell the other person you're in it together. Words of support like, "We'll figure this out," or "How can I help?" go a long way.
Learn your partner’s Love Language
The idea of love languages was developed by Gary D. Chapman. The concept is simple — we all have different ways of communicating and there are certain types of interactions we value more than others. “As a love psychic, I always see a trend of how people miscommunicate within their relationships by not understanding love languages,” notes Psychic Hope. “Another important truth is that people do not understand how love languages can greatly influence relationships. It takes effort to figure out people and be in harmony together. When people become more aware of love languages, it is amazing what positive results can occur, such as improving communication and the connection with a partner. At the end of the day, everyone strives for a healthy relationship.” Hope offers examples for each of the five love languages below.
The 5 Love Languages
Acts of Service: Making dinner, helping with running errands, repairing stuff around the house, doing thank you cards, or anything that will help your partner to feel good and make life less burdensome. Bottom line, just easing responsibility of any kind for your partner.
Physical Touch: Holding hands, hugging, massaging, etc. Physical touch is a very direct love language that creates intimacy in connecting with a partner and provide healing, calmness, and reassurance in a relationship, which is gentle in love and not oppressive.
Quality Time: This is going to show how you give your partner undivided attention; as in listening, communicating, and being there for each other.
Receiving Gifts: When receiving a gift, someone shows the love, thoughtfulness, and effort that was put into the process. This action speaks louder than words and delivers a message that you thought of your partner in advance and went out of your way to make someone feel incredibly special.
Words of Affirmation: Hearing words of “I love you,” “I miss you,” “I appreciate you,” or “Thank you,” and many more. Certain phrases can affirm love and respect that make the heart-centered. Also, these words are essential for your partner to hear in order to feel validated and the certainty of kindness and affirming intentions.
We have a dominant and secondary love language that indicates the main style of how we communicate our wants and needs within ourselves, along with a combination of other love languages that can be found at different times when expressing what is important. You may already know how you like to be loved, but if not you can take this Love Language quiz to help you define your own love language and the love language of someone you care about. When you understand your love language, you can communicate that need to the people in your life, but remember it runs both ways. For fulfilling personal relationships, you also need to figure out the love languages of the people closest to you.
Beware of complacency
After a few years together, it’s easy to start taking one another for granted. They’re there with a kiss when you wake in the morning, and a pleasant “How was your day?” when you arrive home from work. Perhaps they do the yard work, clean the house, or make your dinner. Perhaps you don’t even realize all the little ways that they enhance your life. Complacency has no place in a marriage. If you’ve started to take your partner for granted, snap out of it and start paying attention. Recognize the efforts your partner makes and say thank you. Compliment your partner when he or she dresses up for a night out. Show gratitude and appreciation.
Nobody enjoys living with someone who won't pull his or her own weight. If you're normally helpful around the house, but stop temporarily due to illness, the birth of a baby, or family crisis, your partner is likely to understand. But if you've settled into a habit of laziness, clean up your act so your partner knows you're still engaged in keeping things up. Similarly, if you've become messy with your personal hygiene, clean things up. Keeping yourself and your home tidy shows pride in what you're building together.
On any given day, your significant other may irritate you in countless ways. Forgetting to take out the garbage, leaving clothes on the bedroom floor, and ignoring dirty dishes in the sink are minor annoyances that, over time, cultivate resentment. Nagging rarely, if ever, gets us what we want. Nor does comparing your partner with others. Always focus on what you two have together, not what you think other people have. (Pssst, Jim probably leaves the toilet seat up, and Jill is likely high maintenance. Their lives aren't perfect either. One way to guard against mounting impatience is to view your partner’s actions through a lens of compassion. That means you assume that there’s a reason your beloved forgot to mow the lawn last week. Instead of fixating on the problematic behavior or attitude, find out if your partner is stressed.
It may sound counterintuitive, but to deepen your romantic relationship, you need some alone time. Take time to nurture your own interests. Making "me" dates can do wonders for your sense of independence in your relationship. Whether you take a trip to the art museum or spend the day at the mall, you'll feel a world of difference once you step back from your relationship. Go for a walk by yourself, get an angel card reading, enjoy a massage, or watch your favorite television show. When you’re finished with your alone time, you can return to your significant other reenergized and ready to reconnect.
Having alone time also helps you avoid harboring resentment. People in relationships who don’t get enough time to themselves tend to feel smothered. Your partner might also need a little space too. Encourage them to spend the weekend with their buddies or pursue interests you don’t share. This can help them regain a sense of independence and give them the opportunity to take a step back from the relationship. While they’re on their own, you'll also have a prime chance to focus on your own independent endeavors. Setting aside at least a few hours every week or two for alone time is a sound strategy for keeping your romantic relationship healthy.
Finally, take a technology break for a few days by reducing texts, calls, and emails about things that can be discussed in person. See if it helps you bond more when you're together.
Maintain healthy boundaries
Relationship boundaries show where one person ends and another begins. Each person has their own personal, physical, energetic, emotional, and spiritual lines which define what they’re comfortable with and what they’re not. A healthy relationship is one in which each partner respects their own and their partner’s boundaries.
“In some relationships, having sex with others is acceptable, in others, it means the end,” says Psychic Alan. “Where do you stand on the important issues, and how important is your stance?” This is a conversation every couple needs to be having, and just because your answers aren’t the same doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or that you aren’t compatible. What is important, is that you both respect the other person’s boundaries.
Setting boundaries will help you develop better relationships. When your loved ones know what offends you, they can avoid those behaviors or topics and respect your boundaries. Of course, you must also learn your loved ones' boundaries and respect them. Healthy boundaries are built on trust and respect. Going through your partner’s cell phone, email, Facebook, and mail isn't helping to foster a good relationship. If something feels “off,” resist the urge to spy and practice good communications to tell you what you need to know.
Boundaries also relate to saying “yes” and saying “no.” If you're a people-pleaser, you don't like to turn people down. However, accepting every task and responsibility will cause serious resentment. Practice saying "no" when you don't have the energy, willpower, or desire to do something. You'll live a healthier life, and you'll preserve your relationships.
Everybody makes a mistake now and then, and just because your partner crosses that line in the sand once, doesn’t mean there’s no hope for the relationship. Forgive your partner for their mistakes, and demand that they forgive you for yours. Accepting responsibility goes both ways. It’s when these mistakes become a habit that things cross from romance to a bad situation. Respect is paramount to success, and forgiveness is a key aspect of life, but understanding the difference between enabling and forgiving can mean the difference between success and failure.
If you’re struggling with issues of boundaries, you might find this podcast by Psychic Avery helpful in working with energetic boundaries.
Raise your love vibration
In addition to very practical communication advice, our Love Advisors specialize in metaphysical approaches to love. Psychic Arabella coaches clients on how to raise their personal vibration to improve their relationships. “In simplest terms, your personal vibration is the intensity of energy within your body. It is made up of all of your life experiences including influences from events and people as well as your overall health including mental and emotional well-being,” she explains. “Everyone possesses the ability to raise their vibration and doing so will cause you to feel happier and more in tune with everything and everyone around you.”
Keep passion alive
Relationships lose spark because we tend to get in a rut. We wake up, go to work, come home, make dinner, and fall into bed exhausted. Breaking that routine is key to experiencing more passion in your love life. Studies show that trying something new or crazy does a world of good for your relationship. And this isn't necessarily about sex, although trying a fresh position or two wouldn't hurt.
Sign up for an art class together, volunteer at a homeless shelter, engage in a recreational activity you've always wanted to try, or find a new, romantic spot to watch the fireworks. Anything you can do to break up your routine will benefit your relationship in the long run.
You can't have a passionate relationship if you don't make passion a priority. Even if you feel like your partner lacks in the passion department, make it a point to treat your partner the way you want to be treated. Far too many couples fall into a routine where they treat each other more like roommates than lovers, so tell yourself you're not settling for that anymore!
You can't expect your partner to show passion if you yourself don't know what turns you on. To experience more passion, you have to be more passionate, which means understanding what excites you, what makes you feel alive, and what forms of affection feel the best. Identifying your passions can be difficult if you've lost your libido, are struggling with depression, or dealing with a stressful situation. Sit down with your partner and talk about each other's desires. Schedule sex dates if you have to, reconnect with the sensations that turn you on, and communicate those to your partner. For some fun ideas to spice things up in the bedroom, you might enjoy this interactive infographic. “Sexuality is a mindset,” says Psychic Drake. “For that matter, so is chemistry and desire. As visual images race through the lobes of our brains, a physiological response is created in the body, causing things to heat up rather quickly. If you want more passion in your relationship, don’t be afraid to talk about it.”
One of the easiest ways to reignite your love life is to kiss like you did when you first started dating. Couples often enjoy deep, passionate kisses at the start of the relationship, but over time these tend to morph into quick pecks. Make it a point to passionately kiss your partner at least once a day and see how much your relationship improves.
Start by practicing flirting with your significant other to set the tone and become more comfortable with dirty talk. Try using a sensual tone of voice or whispering in their ear to get things started. Once you start to get used to dirty talk, make sure it's something that stays special between you and your partner. This means that you shouldn't be using these phrases out in public, no matter how well they worked under the sheets. You might accidentally cause the words to lose their sexiness!
This is certain—if things have gone south in the bedroom, do not talk about it during sex.
“Take the talk out of the bedroom,” counsels Advisor Dharma. “Make sure your partner is in a neutral mood and has time to listen. You will glean far more information if you take the approach that you are a concerned partner in this relationship. This is not the time for the blame game or venting your own frustrations. Of course, I am not saying not to express your feeling and concerns
Try sexual telepathy
Sexual telepathy is the transfer of sexual energy, thoughts, and emotions from one person's mind to another. Using sexual telepathy, a person can communicate sexually with his or her partner without ever touching them or saying a word. Sexual telepathy is a wonderful way to add spice to your relationship and stay connected while you're apart. Think of it like the mental equivalent of phone sex or a saucy text message. Engage in sexual telepathy while you're each at work or traveling separately, and you'll be desperate to come home to one another.
Connected couples aren't just sending sexy sentences telepathically. They're also engaging in telepathic sex. Without physical touch to rely on, people who have telepathic sex must use their minds and combined energies to caress, kiss, and even have intercourse with their partners.
As with any form of telepathy, anyone can potentially practice sexual telepathy. However, some people find sexual telepathy easier to master than others. Some couples may find they naturally have sexual telepathy. Other couples may need to work harder to communicate telepathically on a sexual level.
Believing you can communicate telepathically with your partner is a key part of the process. If you're skeptical, you'll put up subconscious barriers that make this kind of communication virtually impossible. Meditating clears your mind and primes it to send and receive sexual messages telepathically. Earplugs or headphones playing white noise can also help you shut out the external world and put you in the right state for sexual telepathy.
While you're practicing, you might like to try to read one another's thoughts while you're at home. Try asking questions or saying sexy things to your partner in your mind and getting them to respond. If you can master this technique while you're together, sexual telepathy while you're apart is the next logical step.
Can a psychic help save a marriage with intimacy issues?
Yes, our psychics do it all the time. Here’s one example from Psychic Rowen.
Common Relationship Challenges
Every relationship has its share of challenges, and helping clients navigate them becomes the stuff of every psychic’s tool kit. Through call after call, certain situations reappear over and again. Fortunately, the practical and metaphysical orientation of our Advisors provides an empowering way forward, with the added benefit of being able to quickly pick up on relationship dynamics without a lengthy introduction and summary of what’s going on.
I’m losing myself in my marriage
While there’s no such thing as having too much love in your life, it is possible to pour too much of yourself into another person. Psychic Adele suggests you ask yourself if you are making your partner the center of your life. If you are, then you are putting undue pressure on him or her to be something they are not. “This is a sure-fire way to kill any lasting romance between you two,” she says. If you are idealizing your partner, stop. It’s one thing to cherish your love, and another to put him or her on a pedestal. The truth is, no such person exists. Your lover is only human, with their own unique flaws.
“Knowing your partner is certainly important, but do you know yourself as well?” asks Advisor Sammie. “It’s typically this “knowing yourself” part that gets put aside in the zeal to make the partner comfortable and happy. It’s also the culprit in throwing you out of balance.”
A healthy relationship will consist of two people with like-minded goals. Both of you should be willing to accommodate the other without having to give up who you are. That sounds fairly simple right? Wrong. Our hearts tend to lead us astray when it comes to these matters. You feel a great connection to someone, and you love them, so you want them to be happy. How much are you willing to do or give up anything to make that happen? “If you let go of your own hopes dreams to focus solely on theirs, over time, this will begin to eat away at you,” she says.
During this time, your partner can tend to become a bit bored with the relationship. You’re no longer your own person—you’re just a mirror image of them. This leads to the partner’s loss of interest, distance, disconnection, and general dissatisfaction, which all cause your insecurities to surface. You’re becoming your own worst enemy due to your relationship.
Does this mean that you should stand firm and never “give in” to what they want? Certainly not! Give and take is essential to fostering a healthy relationship. Try to remember that your partner was attracted to you because of who you are. Exploring the many dimensions of each other is what keeps the relationship alive!
My partner is pulling away. How do I handle it?
Almost every woman has experienced the panic and uncertainty that occur when her man starts pulling away or withdrawing. Men experience this as well. Maybe it happens out of the blue, maybe something sparks it. But either way, it’s a miserable feeling, one that leaves you feeling powerless and painfully insecure. You question what happened, why they’re doing this, and what you may have done to cause this sudden shift.
“Often, women fill in the blanks and assume he is cheating.” But according to Psychic Dharma, “when I delve into the reading, many times men are afraid. There are vast reasons and differences as to why fear shows up. I can honestly say, though, the main reason men are not as focused on relationships as much as we are is (now this may come as a shock to some of you) because they are worried about money and their career. In these uncertain times, so many people are unemployed, underemployed or in mortal fear of losing a job. And often the job they are hanging onto is beneath their level of expertise. This affects the male ego. Men worry about paying bills, making the mortgage, and putting food on the table; these are very real stressors nowadays. Stress reduces sex drives. Stress leads our men into “magical thinking” about losing everything, feeling like a failure, and what happens "if." Even in the present day of the magic blue pill (Viagra!), the fact remains, sex starts in the brain. If the brain is consumed with hypervigilance about day to day living or making it through another month without losing the house, it could be very hard to get "in the mood." I urge people in committed relationships to explore this further before assuming the worst.”
Advisor Serenity agrees. There are often very simple answers to the question she finds so many women ask her about the men in their life, which she recounts here:
At the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter why your partner is withdrawing. The solution is always the same: give them space and focus on loving yourself and your life. Everyone has a unique mental process of working through emotions and logic in his or her own way. Each person is having a constant mental battle between feelings, intuition, and the ego. “Allow your partner the time and space needed to work through his or her mental process,” explains Psychic Indigo. “Each person works through emotions at a different pace. It’s good to communicate your thoughts and feelings to each other, but if your partner is having an issue, then it's good for you to take a step back and allow him or her time and space to think things through. Don't be afraid to ask your partner if he or she needs space! Don't be afraid to ask what your partner needs from you, instead of allowing worry and fear to take control (the ego, you don't want to listen to).”
By giving your partner the time and space to think and remaining calm (no matter what is being said) you are building the trust and secure feeling you are looking for in your connection. You will also build a stronger bond and make it easy for both of you to open up to each other.
I feel too dependent on my relationship
Having a partner compliments a life. When it replaces one, trouble is on the way. Sometimes a relationship doesn’t start out that way, but over time, negative patterns emerge. Fortunately, there are warning signs. “Any combination of these issues can spell trouble,” advises Psychic Stasch.
I’m in love with someone who doesn't feel the same
The experience of becoming addicted to someone who does not return love is painfully lonely and surprisingly common, according to our psychics. To this new person, they just are who they are—nothing more. But you invest heart and soul into the relationship, becoming emotionally and mentally drained. You might keep forgiving them for neglect and toying with your feelings. No matter how much you exhaust yourself trying to make them see the seriousness of your relationship, they just keep running from it (even if they initiated it). This person is always disappearing out of your life and is never supportive no matter how important the occasion or respect you deserve. After some time, you might break up and start dating someone else but it doesn’t work out. You weaken and go back because it’s a crutch—no matter how bad and unsupportive it is. You’re afraid any new relationship will never work out, and so you pass up many great opportunities for someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.
Psychic Drake advises, “If he hasn’t called in six months, it in no way means that there isn’t a future for the two of you, because Spirit can change everything in a brief moment, but why are you letting your life pass you by? Or if the object of your affection is sending you countless text messages and expressing their undying love for you, but, strangely, never wants to see you, it may be time to redefine the word soul mate.”
“When this happens,” advises Psychic Lalita, “it seems as though this so-called ‘relationship’ exists only in your head. “You have to believe in and love yourself more than this. You have to learn from these experiences because essentially, we all are responsible for what we accept and how others treat us.”
Drake notes that throughout countless readings “I’ve seen firsthand that when it comes to romance, sometimes we simply lose our common sense. It’s easy to become blinded by love when the feeling and desire is so strong, but it’s important to remember that time is valuable. Love does exist for you in a very powerful way, but if the person that you choose to call your “soul-mate” isn’t being considerate of your time, it’s alright to live your own life. In fact, you should have never stopped living it in the first place. “
There is an upside to this experience. It has allowed you to become stronger and just others more easily because your instincts will kick in. Letting go of anyone not worthy of you will never be difficult again. Remember: always be humble and grateful for life's experiences, as these lessons are essential tools that will always be useful.
“When we begin to see relationships from a spiritual perspective, we will see that, ultimately, we all deserve so much more than what we settle for,” adds Drake. “I believe Spirit wants more for us than we could ever possibly imagine. Change your thinking and you may just find yourself open to new possibilities.”
I thought we were serious but…
It’s enough to make your heart sink and your emotions run wild. You think you’re in a loving, committed relationship, but she’s flirting online. Or your friends approach you with surprising news. They’ve found your partner’s profile on a dating site, and he appears to be an active user. Should you confront him? Is she cheating on you? Are you just a back-up plan? Here are some scenarios and how to cope.
They’re flirting online. If you find out your boyfriend or girlfriend has been receiving comments, private messages, or even photos online, get a handle on the situation and find out what’s really going on. If possible, do some research on your own before bringing up the topic. No matter how strongly you suspect something, don’t read their messages or browse their social media profiles while they’re logged in. You’ll break their trust, and that could be impossible to repair.
When you’re ready to talk it over, find out if it’s one-sided. If they’re getting flirty messages but deleting them without responding or doing their best to diffuse the situation, then they’re not doing anything wrong, unless this is a deal-breaker for you, and you’ve talked about it before.
If he or she is returning the attention that he receives online, they may not be as forthcoming with details as you’d like. If they’re being secretive or spending a considerable amount of time flirting online, it’s time to have a serious discussion. They may not believe that what they’re doing is wrong, especially if you’ve never talked about this type of issue before. Explore whether the two of you are still meeting each other’s needs and lay some ground rules for chatting with others online. Even if you think they’re in the wrong, give some space to rebuild trust.
Their dating profile is active. Is it an old profile they forgot they set up? It’s not uncommon for someone to forget to close out all their profiles, especially if some were not active. Is it a real profile? Take solace in the fact that the account may not even be real. Unfortunately, it isn’t unusual for scammers to steal images from social media accounts and create fake profiles around users’ identities. Also known as catfishing accounts, these dating profiles are used to reel in unsuspecting app users; it may be difficult to find out if the profile is real without asking him directly. Approach the topic without blame, as it’s entirely possible he’s a victim in this situation. If the profile is fake, offer your help with resolving the issue, and breathe a sigh of relief that your relationship is safe and sound.
Understand the Motivation and the Extent. If your significant other admits the profile is hers, try to stay calm and understand her motivation for breaking your trust. Perhaps your relationship has been rocky for a while or you’ve recently experienced a significant change, such as one of you moving away for work. Find out if one of these major adjustments prompted her to explore her options and get a peek at what else is out there.
It’s also important to understand to what extent she used the app. Did she download the dating app and deactivate her profile right away, or has she been active for months? Did she attempt to engage with one of your friends through the app? All these questions can help you understand the extent of the breach of trust.
Gauge the Response and Reevaluate Your Relationship. Throughout your discussion, try your best to set your emotions aside and keep your reactions to a minimum. Use your energy to probe for more information and gauge his response to your inquiries. If he seems angry or defensive, he may not be willing to admit he’s broken your trust, which, as any authentic psychic can tell you, may signal a whole other issue. If he claims he’s just curious and he wanted to see what else was out there, this may be a good chance to find out why he’s broadening his horizons. If he apologizes and admits he’s in the wrong, this may indicate he’s truly remorseful and that he realizes he’s had a serious lapse in judgment. No matter his response, this is a good time to reevaluate your relationship. Is this something you can move on from together, or will you spend the next several years worrying? Can you use this opportunity to identify some problem areas in your relationship and work together to fix them?
Understanding emotional changes
Every serious relationship comes with stress. “Be careful not to confuse love with loving feelings,” advises Psychic Adele “Love is like any emotion. It comes and goes depending on how you feel that day. Do not confuse boredom, irritation, and disappointment with falling out of love.” Love is a choice, a commitment to stick with your partner despite your varying emotions.”
Communication is key. Many couples fall into a communication rut, where you can’t stop yourself from bringing up tired topics, arguing about the same old things, and simply tuning each other out. Instead of letting routine guide your conversations, stop to listen to yourself and to your partner. Be mindful of the tone and the words you use when you talk to each other. Rather than letting your conversations take old, familiar roads, rethink where you want your conversations to go and how you can guide them effectively. Try to stop focusing on the negative aspects of your interactions with your partner and highlight the positives to give an old topic a fresh, new spin.
Psychic Rainbow suggests this spell if communication has broken down:
But what if the relationship is just not working?
- Is your communication primarily negative?
- Has your sex life become a problem?
- Are anger and distrust are becoming more prominent?
- Do you feel like you’re doing all the relationship work?
Sometimes a relationship can be salvaged by attending couples counseling. Sitting down with an objective third party to mediate can be useful. Speaking with a psychic and getting a Tarot reading can give you some insight and help you find clarity.
Psychic Bella Skye advises:
We think that if we claim to love someone, it means that we are expected to accept them unconditionally. But unconditional love is very rare. “Can you just imagine if we had to stay and love someone no matter what they did to or against us? Yet that is exactly what we do when we continue to stay in any relationships when they become toxic, one-sided, conflicted, painful, or abusive verbally or physically,” notes Psychic Ali Christina. She continues,
“To me, the most difficult part of my responsibility as your psychic reader is to somehow help you understand what is happening and offer you solutions when you’re in that circumstance. It is as difficult for me to reveal as it is for you to hear. Most of the time, you want to hear everything will be ok. I am so thrilled when I can see and say that is what will happen but that's not always the case. All of us at Psychic Source want you to live loving, happy, productive lives and want the very best for you. So, please don't be angry with us when we say things you don't want to hear. Listen carefully and you will hear us offer you solutions to your problems.
Remember that with this knowledge, you can change your outcome. And remember that the only life that you control is your own; you can’t make someone do something they don’t want to, no matter how hard you try.”
They may be people who no longer have a right to be in your life. Some people are with you for life, but most are only visitors and must move on. You will look back and see that they have taught you some important lessons and you have taught them some as well. Remember who you are, deserving of love, respect, and happiness. Only allow those who acknowledge this in your inner circle.
If you’re wondering should I stay or leave my relationship, you might want to check out this quiz.
Do you have more questions about your relationship? Our experts can help.
One of the most common questions people ask our psychics is “Is he cheating on me?” Even if your partner isn't engaging in physical intimacy with another individual, your marriage may be in trouble if they’re more interested in someone else.
What is considered cheating?
Some people limit the definition of cheating to physically having sex with another person. This definition, of course, assumes that you’re already in a committed monogamous relationship. If you’re merely dating or in an “open” marriage where everything is being discussed honestly, then it’s not “cheating” per se. A fundamental component of cheating is lying, which is what makes it so hurtful, resulting in long-term trust issues. Some people include “emotional affairs” (which women are more likely to be involved in) under the definition of “cheating.” Although no actual sex is involved, the partner feels emotionally betrayed because she turned to somebody else for solace, comfort, flattery, and encouragement. This is a gray area because everybody needs friends, but the line can too easily be crossed into romance.
Mere “talking,” however – whether on the phone, in person, or on the internet – does not constitute “cheating” unless it is specifically sex talk. People have friends. If your partner does not allow you even to innocently speak with anyone else, this is a danger sign of a controlling or even abusive relationship. Likewise, mere “flirting” is not “cheating” as such. Most often, flirting just means he or she is seeking an ego-boost, the validation of knowing that other people find him or her attractive, and/or to make you jealous. If there was an affair going on, they would not be openly flirting in front of you!
Having said that, spending an excessive amount of time talking with a certain friend, or persistently heavily flirting with one person, can be a red flag of romantic interest that could lead to cheating.
You may have noticed shifts in behavior such as these.
- He dresses up for certain occasions - but not ones with you. An affair often inspires people to change their look and style.
- You feel disconnected from his life – he seems withdrawn; you don’t have sex; you can’t remember the last time you really shared your day with each other
- He constantly talks about someone else
Signs that your partner is cheating
Whether he's spending late nights at the office or you're simply tired of hearing him talk about this other woman, it's best to trust your gut. Your intuition can help guide you toward the truth in your relationship. In addition, there may be other red flags. Try not to single any one out, but rather look for a pattern of changes. They may have a genuine reason for staying at the office late or, in the case of improved appearance, their efforts might be for your benefit.
- Friends' Warnings. Since they don't wear the blinders of love, your friends might have extra insight into your relationship.
- Phone Secrecy. Cheaters often keep their communication devices to themselves. This is especially suspicious if they have previously been fine about leaving their phone lying around the house.
- Mood Changes. Guilt can express itself in unexpected ways. Look for signs that your significant other acts out of character, such as by overreacting to benign situations or acting more cheerful than usual. It all depends on the person, but mood changes usually reflect an inner struggle.
- Cheating Accusations. Some cheaters use guilt transference, which means they accuse their partners of cheating to cover their own misdeeds. They might want to make themselves feel better about what they've done or their own guilt might make them see cheating signs that don't exist. Projecting disloyalty on a partner is a common way for people to attempt to hide their own failings in a relationship.
- Working Late Becomes a Regular Occurrence. If working late or overtime is becoming a regular thing where it wasn’t before, you should probably question his new-found commitment to the office.
- Frequent Disappearances. Your significant other used to respond to your phone calls before the second ring, but now you get voicemail. Maybe he or she claims to have unspecified obligations, such as "things to do," or perhaps the excuses sound too contrived.
- He's Taking Out New Credit Cards. If your partner happens to be in a full-blown affair, he might begin opening credit cards in his own name to spend money on the other woman. Keep an eye on your financial situation and watch how he spends his money. If you start to notice that he's spending large amounts of cash on a whim, this could be a signal worth noting.
- Unexpected Gifts. Your partner never bought you flowers until three months ago; now you've got a fresh bouquet on your office desk every week. Cheaters sometimes assuage their guilt by showering their loved ones with gifts. If the presents grow increasingly extravagant, this might be a sign of escalating guilt.
- Irritation at Interruptions. You show up at your significant other's door unannounced, eager to share news or simply spend time together, and he or she responds with anger. This suggests your partner doesn't want you to see something.
- You're Always Fighting. Assuming your relationship has started to take a turn for the worst, you may be fighting more than usual. This makes it convenient for him to break up with you if he decides to do so in the future - he can blame it on a recent argument.
If you suspect cheating, reach out to one of our psychics for guidance.
What to do if you were cheated on
It is hard to hear that our suspicions may be correct when it comes to cheating. What happens when you finally know that the person you love is seeing someone else? How do you handle this information? How do you even address this issue?
There is no easy answer nor one way of handling things. For starters, confronting someone based on a psychic reading will only make it easy for them to deny it. The hard evidence does need to be collected and not overlooked, especially if you wish to address the matter.
You also have to both agree on what is considered cheating in YOUR relationship, because one partner may have different answers to that question. For example, is texting cheating in a relationship? Or sexting? Or is kissing cheating in a relationship? There is no cut and dry answer as it will vary by individual and couple.
You need to be smart when confronting a cheating partner. The reason for this is that they may not be totally honest, and you might find yourself living constantly with distrust and fear of abandonment.
Minerva offers these tips to help you cope with a cheating partner:
- Get yourself grounded. The reason for this is that when you are grounded, you are able to cope with anything; regardless if a person is innocent or not, you need to be balanced. Don't make any major life-changing decisions when you're in the middle of a meltdown.
- Learn to do extreme self-care. We often rely on our partners to provide us with all our emotional needs and stability. Practicing self-care will allow you to gain confidence and feel less vulnerable. Concentrate on stabilizing yourself. Make sure you're eating and sleeping properly. You can't make sensible or rational decisions when your body and mind are depleted.
- Feel the Pain, Don't Bury It. An important step in healing is to feel the pain rather than suppress it. Unresolved emotions are like a volcano — simmering beneath, only to erupt when you least expect it. It's better to deal with emotions now rather than later. Going through the pain helps you heal faster.
- Seek emotional support from a professional. There is a tendency for individuals to date a specific type who often replays past traumas or triggers our insecurities. Allow a therapist to assist you in breaking self-sabotage patterns.
- Where there is smoke there is fire. Some behaviors mimic cheating, but it does not always mean that there is infidelity. The main reason you suspect there cheating is based on behavior patterns that make you feel left out and neglected, which does indicate that there may be problems, which are not necessarily for infidelity.
- Get real. Caught in the act, yet your partner has gaslighted you into thinking it’s your imagination. At this point, you need to decide if their views are more valid than your reality or needs. It’s important that you trust your gut. However, knowing the facts means they are cheating without some type of resolution.
Coping does not mean you have to leave nor does it mean you have to stay. It simply means you get to decide which way to go in the relationship. You can take your time in deciding how to handle things. However, the longer you take on acting, whether it is to stay or leave, the longer you live in pain.
An affair doesn't always mean the end of a relationship. Many couples survive an affair and come out of it much stronger. For that to happen, both parties need to make an effort, and you also play a role in rebuilding trust. You need to let go of anger and be open to trusting your partner again. This is a difficult step and one that you should never feel pressured to take. If the relationship can't be saved, the act of letting it go is already a big step toward healing.
What to do if you’re tempted to cheat
It happens even when you don't want to, whether you're married or in a relationship: you see someone—at work, at the market, online—and you feel a little spark. Maybe you've been thrown together on a project at work, maybe the person is a friend, but the specifics really don't matter. You're not single, you're thinking about having an affair, you really don't want to give in to the temptation, and the good news is that you don't have to.
To avoid the temptation to cheat, you have to admit that cheating is possible. You could cheat on your partner. You could have an affair with the person who's caught your fancy. It all comes down to a choice. Are you willing to give up what you have for a few fleeting moments of pleasure? Do you want to risk the strength and integrity of your relationship for something that won't last?
If, however, you're convinced that you're in a relationship with the wrong person, do the honest thing. Break things off with your partner before pursuing a relationship with someone else. You're better than that, and don't you owe it to your other half?
Discuss Your Feelings with Someone Objective Whom You Trust. Sometimes simply discussing your feelings can put things in perspective. Understandably, you might not want to talk about your desire to have an affair with anyone who knows your significant other. It might actually be better to keep this quiet.
If you simply need a sounding board, talk to a love psychic. You'll never find better advice, and he or she will listen to all your feelings, worries, and urges. You'll get an unbiased opinion as well because your psychic is not involved in your relationship. Doing this will allow you to get to the root of your urges, and you may find ways to work on your own relationship.
Try to Strengthen Your Relationship. Are you looking to other people to get something you lack in your own relationship? Are you missing passion, compassion, conversation, or affection? Find out what's wrong in your relationship and start working on it. If your partner doesn't know anything's wrong, he or she can't fix the problem. If you're not honest, you'll never get what you want either.
Take Yourself Out of the Situation. Don't put yourself in the path of temptation. Depending on your situation, there are several ways to do this:
- Keep work at work, and don't spend extra time with a colleague in whom you're interested
- Change gyms if you're chatting up an exercise buddy
- Stop flirting with the person you’re interested in. That sends the wrong signals. Worse, it sends mixed signals, and that's not fair to anyone involved.
What to do if you cheated on your partner
You cheated on your husband/wife and haven’t told him/her. You’ve broken it off with the other person. You know what you did was wrong, and you feel guilty and awful. You don’t even know why you did it. Your husband/wife is a wonderful person and has been nothing but devoted to you. You're afraid that if you tell your spouse, your marriage will be destroyed, and this confession will create even bigger problems. What should you do? Should you just act as if nothing happened? This whole affair and what you did is eating you up inside!
According to Advisor Roxanna, there has to be a reason. “Figuring out why you cheated is the first step. Both men and women cheat. Cheating is not a gender thing. I can tell you this… the relationship was not balanced; you were not feeling safe and secure, your emotional needs were not being met or there was just not enough passion and spontaneity. Intimacy, not necessarily sexual, is usually to blame. The connection between you and your spouse had weakened. You felt that special bond had been broken.”
Once you've sorted out your feelings and realized the reasons this happened you can start to rebuild the relationship. Fix what it is that caused you to cheat in the first place. Strengthen the bond between the two of you. Sometimes it's only necessary to suggest changes to get the relationship back on track. “A confession is not always the answer,” she says.
Many times you can make some changes in the way you respond to your husband/wife and the relationship will improve. Remember what you fell in love with about your mate in the first place. Situations change which causes love to change. This doesn't mean the love is not as strong as it once was.
“I always suggest a short weekend get-away to initiate the bonding process. Consider this a new beginning for your relationship.” She adds, “Please, do forgive yourself. Forgiveness is necessary for healing and growth.”
Fixing a relationship after cheating
After an affair, it can seem like your relationship will never go back to the way it once was. The trust between you and your loved one needs some serious work, which will require time, patience, dedication, and love on both ends. If your relationship is worth saving, you can do it but you must work for it.
Forgive and accept yourself. Until you come to terms with the action that has occurred, you can't realistically hope that your partner will forgive you for cheating. It's critical to acknowledge the situation, consider how it came to be, and cut yourself some slack. You may have cheated, but you might also be going through emotional turmoil, which could have played a role in your infidelity. Seek clarity with a psychic reading.
Making amends is key. It isn't enough to simply apologize. You can't just say “I'm sorry” and hope that all's forgiven. You have to prove you're sorry, but how you do it is up to you. It also depends on your partner, so think about what will make him or her forgive you. You might write a letter, compose a song, make a video, or hire a billboard. Whatever you do, make it sincere. In addition, don't choose the easy way, and don't take forgiveness for granted. Most importantly, own up to your mistake and hold yourself accountable. Now is not the time for petty defense, weak justification, or worse, blaming your partner. If you're guilty, share that, and never try to deflect it.
You have to give your partner time. They need time to cope, time to think, and time to forgive you. Your affair was a betrayal, but obviously, he or she wants the relationship to continue. Your partner loves you and, recognizing that, you must have patience. You might feel impatient at some points, or worried that your partner won't forgive you. Think about talking to someone, whether you speak with an online psychic or therapist. You'll get an unbiased opinion, some coping mechanisms, and insight into your behavior. Couples counseling is an excellent idea because it can help reveal the underlying causes and reasons for your infidelity. Once your partner finishes processing, you can continue claiming responsibility by maturely and honestly discussing your motivations.
Of course, you have to end the relationship you've had on the side. More than that, you need to cut all ties with the person with whom you cheated. It will likely be hard if this person was a friend or a colleague, but you still have to do it. This will prove your remorse and set your partner's mind at ease.
Honesty is essential in any relationship, especially in this situation. A lack of honesty brought you to this place. An abundance of it will take you forward with your relationship intact. Practice an open policy, even if it means sometimes revealing things that make you feel uncomfortable or vulnerable. Talk to each other, share your feelings, and try to help your partner understand why you did what you did.
Can cheaters change?
Dealing with the fallout after infidelity in a relationship is incredibly difficult. Some couples go on to have faithful, loving relationships after cheating, while others fail.
Before you truly consider whether you're willing to trust your partner again, it's important to take a little bit of time to process your anger and sadness. It's truly heartbreaking to find out that the one you love has gone behind your back for intimacy and affection. If you try to make decisions about your relationship too quickly after discovering the transgression, you might regret it later.
Often, the reasons that lead a person to cheat are complex. While your partner is still at fault for their infidelity, it's important to find out why they cheated in the first place. Why would your partner choose to betray you? Potential causes for cheating include:
- Using intimacy as a way to boost self-worth.
- Confusing sexual attraction for love.
- Lack of intimacy within the relationship.
- Looking for an excuse to end a relationship.
Keep in mind that even if there were problems within your relationship, the blame for cheating falls on the cheater alone. You are not to blame, but it helps to understand what may have contributed to your partner's poor decision making.
Once you've had a chance to express your anger, it's time to let your partner speak. Even though they've hurt you badly, it's important to hear them out. A cheater who truly wants to change will express the following 4 feelings:
- Remorse: It's important that your partner expresses true regret over what they have done.
- Recognition: Your partner should recognize how their actions have affected and hurt you.
- Acceptance of blame: They should take full responsibility for the betrayal.
- Atonement: Make sure your partner details exactly how they plan to regain your trust.
If your partner blames you for pushing them to cheat, makes excuses for their actions, or expresses little remorse or desire to change, take it as a sign that you should move on. These red flags indicate that your partner will not change and may continue to cheat.
Will he leave his wife for me?
If you’re already seeing a married man, you may know you’re in difficult territory. Maybe you didn’t know that he was married when you first met, or he’s told you he’ll one day leave his wife for you. There are certain things you need to know when you’re dating a married man so you don’t fall victim to illusions and can take care of the most important thing: you. According to our Advisors, here are 3 hard truths about being in a relationship with a married man:
Since there is so much involved with his marriage, it's very unlikely that, in the end, your man will leave his wife for you. In fact, less than 5 percent of married men in affairs leave their wives. There are plenty of reasons: religious beliefs, financial and legal problems of divorce, comfort with his familiar marriage, kids, and even an ongoing affection for his wife. Though he may paint the picture negatively for you, it's likely that the man you're with still keeps up some feelings for his wife. And it's unlikely that he'll end his marriage as a result. However, it can and does happen, and you might be in the 5%.
Here are 4 signs he may leave his wife for you:
- He consistently chooses you over his wife.
- He doesn’t hide when he’s in public with you.
- He openly talks to you about finances.
- He cares about your feelings, not just intimacy (and shows this in open behavior, not just words or in private).
These are just a few signs that he’s going to leave his wife for you; a love psychic can help you recognize others. Of course, you can never celebrate until it actually happens. You can encourage him and give him ultimatums, but he has to make the ultimate decision. If you don’t see any of these signs, he’s probably not serious about leaving, even if he tells you he is.
If the tables suddenly turn and he does leave his wife for you, don't rush to marry him immediately. Spend some time together, perhaps even living together, to make sure he isn't carrying the baggage from his earlier relationship. You might come to realize that the affair's passion came from the drama of scheming to be together, not true love.
If you decide to commit, you need to make a fresh start. That means the two of you should be honest about why your past relationships didn’t work. Through candid conversations, you can create more trust and look for ways to avoid repeating mistakes of the past.
Recognizing the warning signs of a toxic relationship will save you years of misery. Many people tend to become stuck in a toxic relationship, thinking things will eventually improve. Here are 7 warning signs that a relationship has become toxic, according to our Advisors.
Warning signs of a toxic relationship
Gaslighting in a relationship
The play “Gaslight” might be fictional, but gaslighting is a destructive behavior pattern that many people experience throughout their lives. Gaslighting is a series of manipulative behaviors that happen over time. If anyone has ever dismissed your perceptions or convinced you to doubt your own memory, you may begin to lose touch with your own reality. Your first reaction may be disbelief. It’s normal to give the other person the benefit of the doubt and simply write off the odd behavior as an isolated incident. At some point, you’re likely to get defensive, and the manipulator will deny everything and project it back on you. Because addressing the issue doesn’t work or makes matters worse, you become overly sensitive and isolated. By the time you realize there’s a pattern and the romantic partner is gaslighting you, it can be difficult to trust your own perceptions. You might feel depressed about your misunderstanding and lack of control. What’s worse is that others may begin to notice and react to your sadness, which further deepens the feeling that something is wrong with you. If you get to this point, talking with an intuitive psychic or another unbiased third party can be helpful.
Since gaslighting isn’t always easy to identify when you’re in the thick of it, keep an eye out for some of the common gaslighting signs:
- You constantly second-guess yourself.
- You always feel like you’re too sensitive.
- You frequently apologize, even for the tiniest things.
- You feel like you should be happier, but you don’t know what’s holding you back.
- You struggle with even the simplest decisions.
- You regularly feel like you’re not good enough.
To break free from gaslighting, try keeping a record of your interactions, experiences, and thoughts so you can document your reality. Start repairing your trust in yourself by paying close attention to how you feel and what you sense. Look for support from those you trust and seek out those who have faith in your perceptions. If you’re in a toxic relationship but having trouble cutting emotional ties, this podcast by Psychic Kristine may be helpful.
Emotional or physical abuse
“Mental and emotional abuse is the worst type of abuse in my opinion,” says Psychic Indigo. “If you see these warning signs, please try to get out of the relationship as quickly as you can. These traits in abusers never change; they only continue to become worse over time.” She counsels her callers to examine the following:
Keep in mind that if an abusive relationship has become violent, you need to make a plan to get out safely. Contact your local domestic violence hotline for help.
Endings and Beginnings
The toughest thing about a relationship could be to know when to stay or when to end it. You may have believed it would never end. Realizing it may not last requires a complete change of a once deep and meaningful belief. You trusted your feelings. You had faith in your partner, their intentions, and faith in your ability as a couple to withstand anything life threw your way. Issues, big and small, undermined your faith, and over time trust diminished and where love and loyalty once existed there is doubt and fear.
“Some people live in the ruins of a bad relationship longer than they should while others spiritually die in it,” says Psychic Lauren. “Remember, life is short. If your significant other doesn't significantly increase the quality of your life, then the relationship you're in is not worth the hassle. You do not owe your significant other anything just for being there for you; that's what humans do for each other.”
“I understand that everybody has special circumstances and that no relationship is the same, but when it comes to spending whatever time you have left committed to a single person, it's critical that you feel good about your choice,” advises Psychic Alan. If the person you're with never apologizes when they make you question your decision, and you hear "whatever" more than "I'm sorry" the relationship is not getting better, and it's time to seek out other opportunities.
Alan continues, “Even when having an argument, you should never have to question your partner's feelings towards you. My fiancé and I have very few "rules" in our relationship, but one of the most important ones to both of us is that every fight, no matter how big or small, always ends with "I love you." You should never have to question whether your partner still loves you or wonder when you'll hear from them again.”
When all else has failed and we have no other path to follow we must walk each day in faith and not fear. Trust that you’ve learned and grown and know that there are reasons that will change us for the better.
We should take responsibility for our mistakes, and forgive others for theirs, but know that letting go is a blessing and something better lies ahead. This is natural, this is right, this is empowering!
Making the Decision to Leave
Our advisors have talked to thousands of people over the years that feel stuck in unhappy relationships. Psychic Andrew summarizes the three reasons for staying that our Love Advisors tend to hear most:
- Fear of Being Alone. “At our core, human beings want to be with other human beings. Sometimes this natural inclination to be close to people can turn into a fear of being alone or the expectation that you would be lonely if you weren’t in a committed relationship. This kind of thinking leads to the idea that it’s better to be with someone you dislike or don’t care deeply about than to be alone. Yet the worst kind of loneliness is the loneliness that comes with an unhappy relationship.”
- Been Together A Long Time. “When you have been with someone for years it’s easy to think of this as an investment of time and energy that you can’t get back. You may begin to think it’s too late to have a relationship with someone else. Because you have history and sometimes children together, you may feel like you don’t have a choice. Often people stay where they are and are miserable, just because that’s all they know. Time and energy invested is never a good reason to stay. On a spiritual basis how long, a relationship lasts doesn’t matter. If the joy is gone and only the shell remains no one is happy. Even if you stay together, in the same place, the relationship may be over anyway.”
- Maybe They Will Change. “This is the one I hear most often. Maybe he or she will change. Perhaps tomorrow they won’t hit me. Maybe next week they will stop cheating. Maybe they will get sober and all will be instantly fixed. Perhaps he will change how he feels or she will change how she acts. People really do have the capacity to change. The problem is they rarely change in the ways we want them to when we need them to. Each person has their own path. In spiritual evolution, we can direct change through free will. Every change we make whether they are superficial or long-lasting and deep belongs to the person that is changing. Understand that you can always make positive changes to yourself. Just as importantly know that you can’t direct a change in someone else.”
How to end a relationship
There are good and bad ways to break up. Whatever your feelings about your soon-to-be ex, you want to break up in the kindest way possible so both parties can keep their dignity and move on from this moment. If you don't think a relationship is right for you, then it's not right. Don't feel obligated to wait for a "good" reason. By waiting around, you (and by extension, your partner) will grow more and more unhappy, leading to more negativity down the road. There will always be reasons to feel like it's a bad time to break up, but just get it over with so both of you can move on.
Once you finally start the conversation, get to the point. Share your feelings honestly without being mean. Lying will only cause more problems; people appreciate it when you're upfront and honest, even if you think the truth might hurt. Even though it might be painful, use clear language, like actually saying the words "break up," to make sure you're both on the same page. Let your partner speak their mind. Their point of view is just as valuable as yours and giving them the time to speak will help them feel like you're being fair and respectful. When it's your turn to talk, keep things from your own perspective. Tell your partner that things aren't working for you, but don't accuse or make things about their behavior. They might offer ways they can change or get unnecessarily angry. If it's the right time to break up, let it happen as amicably as possible, then move on.
Let’s face it, ‘Breaking Up Is Hard to Do’ is much more than a song; it’s a very painful reality in life. “When looking at breakups, I like to place them into the following two categories: ‘I don’t want out, but I need out’ and ‘I need out but have no idea how to get out”’ explains Psychic Drake. “I must be very honest when I say that, through countless readings and in a few painful experiences of my own, sympathy is actually a major cause when answering the question, ‘Why do I stay?’” He continues,
Despite your best efforts to break up amicably, your partner may not be receptive. Do not take responsibility for their reactions. How they process the news is their choice. If they chose to lash out at you, stick to your decision, because now you have a choice, too. You can take the high road or strike back. Psychic Gabriel advises puts it this way.
“If I acted unkindly toward those who were unkind, I'd just become like them. I'd have taken in their resentment and made it my own. Instead, I chose to "cancel them out", by being the kindest, most generous, loving, supportive person I could be. I took the raw passion that was the fuel for my resentment and transformed the energy into something positive. It was the most important choice I made in my life. Since then, I have always been the person I want to be. And I am blessed with an abundance of loving relationships in my life. Just a few short years later, I realized I had had my "revenge", but chose to continue my approach because I enjoyed it!”
“The most empowering ability we have is CHOICE. We can CHOOSE how we're going to respond to events and others, rather than to just allow ourselves to be molded by them. You get to choose who you're going to be. In essence, that's all we really have any real control over. If you let someone being unkind or careless to you make you act unkindly or carelessly, then you've let them win. You've taken their resentment in and made it your own. But you can choose to be you. You can choose to be who you want to be, and to act as you'd like to act.”
The harsh, blunt reality is that breakups hurt. Yes, the other person will hurt. Yes, they may also cry. Chances are, you may have feelings of regret that might linger for weeks, months, even years.
A practical note about messy endings. No matter how long you've been together, facing divorce can make some people involved act out of character. Protect yourself from volatile situations. If you fear for your safety, don't ignore your instincts. Speak with your attorney for advice on protecting yourself and your assets. If it is in your best interests to get out of the house, don't let others know where you are staying.
Surviving a relationship breakup
Once the two of you have disentangled your lives and parted ways, reminders of the loss of your relationship are all around you. Whether or not you still have feelings for your ex, your sense of loss might stem from much more than seeing his side of the bed empty or realizing that she hasn’t called or texted in days. In fact, the loss and sadness you’re experiencing might not really be about your ex. As authentic psychics know, those feelings often come from the sense that you’ve failed in love.
No matter how unpleasant it might be, give yourself time to process what you’re going through and grieve your loss. While no two people grieve in the same way, it is safe to say that time usually lessens the pain. Your feelings of grief are likely to feel the most intense at the beginning of the process, when you’ll experience resentment, anger, and fear. The further away you get from the moment of the breakup the better you should start to feel. Though it may be difficult to tell the difference, grief and depression are not the same thing. Grief is the process of feeling sad over the loss of the relationship. Depression is a generalized feeling of powerlessness and negative thoughts that last more than a week or two. The powerless feeling often comes from the feeling that the breakup happened to you instead of feeling it was a mutual decision. When someone believes it happened to them, they often have feelings of anger or hopelessness. You must work through these feelings to become whole again. If you find yourself on a downward spiral, and you still get no pleasure out of things you used to enjoy, it’s time to get some help.
“A breakup is comparable to a death,” notes psychic Mandy. “Let yourself, mourn this loss as you would any death. Remember the good times, cry, or call a friend. Be prepared for the sadness to turn into anger, be prepared for the anger to turn into acceptance. Just understand this loss is a process, much like death, and treat yourself gently during this time.” Once you acknowledge and process your feelings, you’ll be in a much better position to move beyond them.
“Keep your head high and a smile on your face, putting one foot in front of the other,” advises Psychic Krissy. “Of course cry your eyes out if needed, but don’t spend time dwelling on the negatives or the whys. Be cautious of the language you put into the universe. Using terms like terrible and horrible ensures you are bound to spend time dwelling on the negatives. If you feel the need to vocalize the hurt, give yourself permission to express your anger and sadness.”
While you should certainly give yourself time to process your feelings, refrain from keeping them all bottled up inside and giving in to the pull of loneliness. Remember that talking over important things with friends and family members who love you can give you much-needed perspective and help you. Reconnecting with the world around you can also help you work through loneliness and reinforce the belief that you’re worthy of the best kind of love. But don't use social media to vent. Yes, you'll want to, and should, talk to your friends about what's happened. But do it privately and in person. You don't need to broadcast the details to the world. Even if you don't think your former partner will see your Facebook post, it likely will happen. Maintaining your ex's dignity is one of the kindest things you can do.
It might be difficult to see through the pain at first, but it’s important to understand that you’ll eventually be able to move past the sense of sadness and loss. Though you owe yourself time to heal, dwelling on negative feelings for more time than you need is bound to hurt you.
Instead, try to regain a sense of hope and positivity as you focus on what lies ahead. Give yourself room to grow and blossom post-breakup. Remember that your life may look different after the end of your relationship, but you have hopes, dreams, and a future to look forward to. A relationship does not define you or your life. It represents a period in your life. When a relationship ends, life does not stop. It's just lived differently.
Breakups are rarely easy, but they can serve as learning experiences and give you space to grow and become a better version of yourself.
Coping skills after a relationship breakup
Ending a relationship, whether you are the one pulling the plug or even more tragically, the one being left, can be devastating. If you are the one to end it, it’s emotionally draining having to let the other person know you’re decision and can be physically exhausting if moving out comes along with the break. When you’re the one who’s receiving the news, the blow can seem out of left field and often leaves you feeling helpless, alone, and feeling damaged. These are natural feelings, but left to stew alone too long, can be toxic to your mental, physical and spiritual well-being. A Broken Heart doesn’t mean a Broken Spirit! Here are a few tips to get your chin up and back out in the world.
“Schedule time to deal with the breakup,” suggests Psychic Mandy. “I know this seems a bit extreme but often we get so wrapped up in trying to get this person back, trying to make sense of why it didn't work out, that we let it consume our entire lives. This will impact so much if you let it. Don't. Be firm with yourself. Devote a few hours a day at first, then less to the healing process. I tell my clients this all of the time! 12-3 pm is the time you can spend for example. Have a reading, think about it, write about it, cry about it...do everything and anything that you have to do to process it. After 3? It’s time to focus on the rest of your life. Be firm and this will help.“
Focus on yourself by doing those things you may not have done with your significant other. Eat your favorite foods, watch your favorite shows and go out and do some of your favorite things. Take up walking or knitting. Find something you’ve always wanted to try and try it. Your life shouldn’t stop!
Get out and about by fighting the urge to sit at home, alone, and try to get out on a daily basis. Whether it’s a short trip to the grocery store or venturing out to a restaurant, it’s important to show your face to the world. Put on a cute outfit, one of your favorites, even if you’re only planning to be gone for 20 minutes. Putting your best foot forward will feel good.
“Don’t try to be friends with your ex,” notes Psychic Krissy. “The person who hurt you is not your friend—let that go. You have to be your own friend by not allowing your ex into your soul energy. Having this person as your friend while you’re healing will only cause more pain.”
Resist the urge to follow your ex on social media, advise our psychics. This may sound harsh, but sometimes going cold turkey is the best way to put an unhealthy practice to bed. It may be necessary to unfriend anyone close to your ex as well. It's not because you don't want to be friends with any of these people; it’s because seeing them happy and together makes you feel bad or keep your energy focused outward towards your ex rather than inward towards yourself. Distracting yourself by participating in something that brings peace is healing and helps break the urge to peek. If your life is full of fun, you won't have time to stalk your ex through cyberspace. So, use your time constructively for healing and enjoyment. For some, peace may come through meditation; for others, it may come from a long walk in nature. You can’t move on with your life until you can resist the urge to check on your past.
Breakups are tough and we’ve all been there. Find a support system and reach out as often as you need. Talk about it with your friends, relatives, or Psychic Source Advisors. Venting does help, so vent away, just make sure that after the venting comes the moving on.
Accepting the end of a relationship
So often in a breakup, in your heart-of-hearts, you know it’s done; it’s over. Yet, it still feels like the door’s slightly open. Why’s that? Simple: lack of closure. Closure is not something that you get from an ex. Closure is something that you give to yourself. Closure is when you make peace with yourself by gathering the strength to give yourself permission to close the door and move on.
“Many times people say to me: ‘If I could only talk with my ex one more time, then I know I’ll get the closure I need,’” notes Advisor Arthur. “In reality, that seldom works. Waiting to get closure from an ex simply means that they still have control over you. So, let me repeat: Closure belongs to you. It’s your choice.” He writes,
“Another reason closure can be so difficult to achieve is because, in addition to letting go of the past, closure also means letting go of the future. Or better yet, letting go of the perceived future you believed you were going to have with that ex.
In a relationship, most people project what their future life is going to be like; from how eternally happy they’re going to be with this person, to where they’ll live, even how many children they’ll have. When a break up occurs, that projected future is still out there hovering, leaving the inner child to wonder: “So, are we there yet? When are we going to start all those wonderful things you’ve been planning? You promised. Are we there yet?”
Realizing that the projected future (which we can call “fantasy”) is not going to happen is disappointing. However, the sooner you can accept the reality of the situation, and see the past and the perceived future for what they really are, the sooner you allow yourself to close the door and move on.”
Continually worrying about the things we have no control over can bring sickness into our lives. Acceptance makes sense when we realize that despite everything, life will continue. You will gain strength and insight within yourself only when you learn to deal with acceptance. You must understand that when you deal with acceptance, you give yourself power.
“Are you trying to move past the breakup or are you hoping to get back with your ex?” Asks Psychic Krissy. “You won't move on until you've accepted that the relationship is over. Don't embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you'll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex's house, making dozens of phone calls, or e-mailing non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high.”
If you were the one who was left, or the breakup was unexpected, one of the hardest things to accept is that the door may have closed forever. “Unless that relationship has clear reasons as to why it should not go on, most times we are left wondering. The truth is though, most relationships end or have space because there is growth that is meant to happen with one person or both.” Psychic Georgia continues, “I have worked as a professional psychic for several years, and the most commonly asked question is, ‘When will he/she come back’? But what if they aren't meant to? What if you are really meant to move on, but can’t accept this? The worst thing that you can do to yourself when a relationship ends that is meant to end is hold on. Not only will it only cause pain for you, but it will also hinder you from being able to move forward and find love again, perhaps a love that is even stronger. I know, you probably don't want to or feel like you won't ever again anyway, but if you give the universe a chance you will find that something very beautiful happens once you allow yourself to just let go. Imagine the phoenix rising from the ashes.”
Regardless of the reason for your breakup, ending a relationship can be both humiliating and traumatic. Even if you typically reach out to friends for support and commiseration, the sense of defeat after a broken relationship might prompt you to retreat and keep your truest feelings to yourself.
Sometimes the reactions of others make acceptance more difficult. When you’re in a relationship with the wrong person, you’re often the last one to realize the reality of the situation. Your friends, family members, and coworkers may have been telling you for weeks, months, or even years that your significant other is wrong for you and that you’re going to get hurt in the end.
What you have to understand is that no one else has walked in your shoes. Your relationship may have been easy for others to dissect from the outside, but the way you experienced the relationship was much more complex than you ever could have expressed. That’s why it’s important to resist the pull of shame or the temptation to feel terrible for not listening to your friends and family sooner.
If you’ve ever had a tarot reading, you know that timing is everything. This is true for relationships, personal growth, and virtually every other aspect of your life. If you’re wondering why you couldn’t make the relationship work or where you went wrong, try not to fault yourself for the breakup. Understand that the timing may not have been right. Even though you may have been the perfect match on paper, your timelines may never have aligned properly.
The ending of a relationship can literally shake our very foundation, core beliefs and even threaten our security. During this time it is important to remember with every destruction there is creation. Sometimes things have to fall apart in order to fall into place. It can be viewed as an opportunity to move out of our comfort zone and embrace the situation with fresh eyes and an open heart. As the saying goes when one door closes another door opens. This is true. Initially, it may be difficult to let go of the past but it is necessary to experience renewal and growth. When we loosen our grip on the past and part ways, then we are ready to embrace new opportunities and possibilities.
How to heal your heart chakra
Psychic Dani recommends this heart chakra heartbreak remedy to help you to restore balance after a painful breakup.
Rituals for healing from a relationship breakup
Another way to energetically and spiritually support yourself as you heal from a breakup is by creating healing rituals. Try these three magical tools from relationship Advisor Mani to help support your process:
Write letters to your Ex. Psychic Arthur advises his clients to try this approach to gaining closure.
Reflections on lessons learned from a breakup
Everything we go through in life is a learning experience. Psychic Savanah explains that some people come into our lives for a reason or a season. The “reason” relationships are usually the ones who leave our lives with a blazing bridge behind them, having prompted you to make life changes. The “season” people usually have a lesson to teach us, a helping hand to give us or love to share when we need it most.
Sometimes it takes a hardship for us to realize how strong we are. Psychic Tina Lee shares a personal story of strength and true happiness.
Starting over after a relationship ends
“There is hope for new love. I have learned that there is no one true soul mate for anyone. Each of us has a few amazing potentials on this earth. Once you fully release the energy of your ex, the guides will provide you with someone new. This may take a few weeks, a few months or it may even take a few years. Don't focus on how long it’s taking, just realize it will happen at a time that is right for you,” writes Psychic Mandy.
Sometimes a new location is the doorway to a fresh start. “Moving to a new location is not running away,” advises Psychic Mackenzie. “It's a brave and drastic step, indeed. While we don't have to physically move, keep in mind the energy is empowering because of the complete change of scenery. Drug and other substance abuse counselors teach changing location. Meaning changing all friends and associates but the exceptional ones and move on to a different life. It is commonly said that doing the same thing over and again and expecting change is crazy, but in this case, it holds true. By staying in the same location, you are essentially still doing the same thing.”
What if walking away doesn't work and you're still in pain and are you still going to be the same person in a different location? Changing the scenery will help but there's more work to do when you do move. Before you make a decision to up and move, Mackenzie offers these tips for starting over after a breakup:
- Consult your inner spirit. What is it you really want that you aren't getting where you are?
- Keep your journey personal. Sharing all your ideas with others can cause confusion from all the varying opinions.
- Acknowledge the lessons learned. Seeing the lesson in anything is the goal and a divine key to moving forward or starting over
- Forgiveness for others and self. Holding on to resentment for anything at all is hurtful, no matter where you live.
- Research and re-invent yourself. Even looking at new locations can raise your energy and for good reason. Change is good.
- Grasp every opportunity for happiness. If you're stuck you're not happy right. Why not trying to change the scenery and grasp the opportunity for change?
- Find and accept inner love.
Remember, your “location” is more than just where you are physically. Your mental and emotional location is equally, if not MORE important, in many cases. Moving and starting over can be as simple as beginning a new day with a new attitude and a new (and improved) outlook on life!
How Can a Psychic Help with Love and Relationships?
We've explored the many phases of love and relationships in this guide, sharing the spiritual and practical wisdom of our advisor community. Perhaps you’ve found yourself in one or more of these stages or grappling with some of these challenges. No matter what stage of love you’re in, connecting with a metaphysical advisor and psychic reader can provide a unique and valuable perspective and insight.
Why choose a psychic reading over seeing a therapist, minister, or another type of counselor? It’s not an either-or! Each type of helping profession has its own way of approaching relationship advice and all perspectives are valuable in helping you grow. There are many unique advantages to turning to a love Advisor at Psychic Source, a thriving community of hundreds of gifted readers who bring a spiritual, not necessarily religious lens to their work. Their guidance is objective, free from judgment and blame, confidential, and available when you need it. The best part is that they can use their gifts to tune in quickly to your situation, so you don’t need to spend several sessions providing a backstory which they can often intuit in a few sentences.
Whether they use tools like Tarot cards or astrology or simply rely on their gifts to tune in, a psychic Advisor always looks beneath the surface of your situation and your question. For example, asking, “How does my lover feel about me?” is a surface level question, easily answered. But asking, ““How are me and my lover connecting” opens a deeper conversation that invites a look into what needs to be healed or how to make things better.
Psychic Freya suggests these 4 love and relationship questions to ask a psychic in a love reading. Ask the psychic to use their gifts to look at your relationship at the deepest level and ask:
1) How do you see my partner and I connecting emotionally?
2) How do you see us connecting intellectually?
3) How do you perceive us connecting physically?
4) How do you perceive the strength of how we connecting on a soul level or spiritually?
“Knowing the answer to these questions can make all the difference in the world when trying to build a bridge of understanding to your lover,” she notes. “And don’t underestimate the value of a shoulder to cry on, or a trusted advisor with whom you can share your deepest secrets.” Caring support and wise counsel from men and women who’ve each encountered every sort of relationship issue and helped hundreds of people navigate their relationships is just a call or text away.