Today I feel led to write an article about addiction.
While I have never personally struggled with this I had two previous relationships with partners who were battling serious addictions.
It's interesting because on the outside looking in, one might say that the addict bears full responsibility. Yet, we as friends, family, and loved ones can actually enable the addiction by choosing to look the other way & by supporting the addict financially.
For the better part of my life, I spent my time being the caretaker for other people. I felt I was doing the right thing, but in all actuality, I was preventing them from making sound decisions and living their best life.
As a result, I found myself falling into a sea of debt, depression, and low self-esteem. I believed that I was only worthy of love when giving to someone else & sacrificing my own happiness. When we make excuses for someone's struggles we are supporting the kind of destructive environment that allows the addiction to thrive. One can only get help when they are ready. Still, we as loved ones can refuse to give money, time, and energy to this behavior.
If you are enabling a loved one, begin to ask yourself why. People will often say "It's because I love them & I want them to be safe," but the truth digs a little deeper than that...
Could it be that you are afraid of losing them and this is the only way you can keep them close?
Could it be that addiction runs in the family & if we confront their struggles we must deal with our own addiction?
Could it also be that you like to feel needed and only feel worthy when you are rescuing someone else? These are tough questions; one's that I had to ask myself after the relationships ended.
All relationships have a payoff, and when you are staying in one that is detrimental to your well-being you must ask hard questions. You see, oftentimes, the entire family is dealing with addiction whether they know it or not. We may be addicted to being the healer, victor, or savior for other people.
The truth is, each and every person on this planet is God incarnate & they have the strength, intelligence, and resolve to survive & thrive. What I find time and time again is if we let go and let God, most people land on their feet. It might be a bumpy road, but they get there!
Love is not about controlling, manipulating, or clinging tightly to another human being. It is about releasing, letting go, and allowing them to be the magnificent being God intended them to be.
So, if someone you love is in that downward spiral light a white candle for them & put it by your window at night. Pray that they will be safe & pray that whatever is happening in their life is for the best & highest good.
Heaven is mysterious & we don't always know why people appear to stumble and fall but God does. There is a reason for everything under the sun!
If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction here is a free online support system for recovering addicts and the people who love them:
You are light. You are bliss. You are God.