Do you wonder why you get stuck in your patterns, why negativity and drama seems to follow you or why you keep attracting the same kind of people into your life? It’s hard to be objective when you’re in the situation, but from the outside the answer can be obvious.
There’s a saying that’s well-known among marketing and public relations professionals: perception is reality. How you view the world and yourself dictates your reality. The world is filled with millions of data points, far more than anyone’s mind can take in. So, your brain goes on auto pilot, filtering through the information based on familiar belief frameworks and thought patterns so that you can make sense of it.
How you perceive the world is shaped by your expectations. You believe it… so you see it. And then having seen it, you believe it more. Like attracts like, so you see it even more. This is what is meant by the statement, “You create your own reality.”
This means you have the power to see your life operating in perfect order, brimming with positivity and gratitude. The more you believe that this is true, the more you’ll see evidence for it, and attract more positivity.
If we all have the power to create a blissful world full of positivity, how does negativity find its way in? Failure, worry, and cynicism all have a way of taking us off the path of positivity and attracting all sorts of drama and negativity into our lives. Once negative thinking takes hold, our minds filter through all the information to find the bits of supporting evidence, which attracts more of the same, and a negative pattern is born.
4 Hidden Ways Negativity Invades Our Thoughts
Negative influences can begin very early in life. They often come in ways you don’t notice, and they can affect your life in ways that go unnoticed. Over time, you may develop habits like worrying about things you can’t control, holding onto past disappointments, and allowing past failures to limit future opportunities – all of which allows negativity to take root.
To make matters worse, we humans seem to be hardwired to register negative words, negative experiences, and negative emotions over positive ones. Psychologists call this a negativity bias, causing you to dwell on even the most insignificant negative things and brush off the positive.
Negative thoughts can quickly spiral out of control, leading you to make snap judgments and doomsday-type predictions about your future. You're not alone if this sounds familiar. Research suggests that most of our thoughts are habitual; we think the same ones every day. Even more concerning, 80 percent of those repeated thoughts are negative.
So, what are some of those backdoors to negative thoughts?
Habitually Saying No
As parents it’s important to protect children from danger and danger is everywhere, especially for young children. The result is, as children, we are constantly bombarded with “No!”
Any parent can relay a similar story, your young child reaches out for something dangerous, maybe a hot stove, and you grab the child’s arm and save them from danger and shout “No!” Then the child looks up at you and cries. In the eyes of the child, what just happened was they were simply denied something they saw and wanted.
For some of us, “No” is the first word we speak. We often don’t think about the long-term effects of the things we hear, or even the things we say and how they become ingrained in our thoughts. “No,” when applied to a boundary, is a wonderful word that can protect us from harm. For some, learning to say “No” is an empowering act of self-love.
However, “No,” when overused and habitual, can become a hidden doorway to living a limited life bound by risk aversion and fear. Identifying our automatic negative thoughts is an important way to stop negative thinking in its tracks.
Worrying About Things You Can’t Control
It’s natural to worry about certain things. Issues surrounding children, jobs, relationships and so forth can all cause your anxiety levels to rise. Constant worrying causes all kinds of negative clutter to fly around in your head. And much of the clutter is things that we have no control over.
In many cases, these constant negative thoughts have no roots in fact. Psychologists call these intrusive thoughts. Researchers at the University of Cincinnati found that 85 percent of what people worry about never comes to pass.
We often mistake ruminating for problem solving. If your worries circle round and round your head without identifying any positive next actions, your trapped in a negative thinking loop.
Holding onto Past Disappointments
Everyone has been deceived, disappointed, or let down at one point or another. Whether you’ve trusted someone who turned out to be untrustworthy, made efforts to be generous to someone who took advantage of you, or gone out of your way to be nice to someone who was unappreciative, it isn’t unusual to feel a flicker of cynicism. After all, cynicism is a defensive response to a slight committed against you. When you feel vulnerable, it’s common to respond by protecting yourself.
When you allow pessimistic thoughts to take over, your reactions become more than basic defenses to protect yourself from harm. Instead, you may begin to develop rigid expectations surrounding how others should behave around you. As time passes you may even find yourself seeking out infractions or opportunities for others to fail to meet your expectations. Without consciously realizing it, you may be perceived as a negative person.
It may come as no surprise to learn that losing your heart to cynicism can quickly make you deeply unhappy. Yet you might not realize that this thought pattern can cause you long-lasting harm, too. In fact, studies have shown that people who choose optimism over pessimism tend to live longer and have lower rates of cancer and heart disease. Holding on to past disappointments will literally eat you up inside.
If you go into anything with a preconceived idea of how it will work out, and it doesn’t work out as you expected, you may it a failure. Worse, you may give up and say, “I can’t do it", and create a limiting belief around it.
Fear of failure makes us afraid to take risks, more likely to quit a difficult task, and tend to beat ourselves up with negative self-talk when we fail. We unknowingly sabotage our efforts before we've even begun, and then use this failure as a justification for further negative thinking.
The difference between those who fail and give up versus those who eventually succeed is an unwavering belief in themselves and relentless persistence. They see failure as a bump in the road and not the end of the road.
Failure does not mean that YOU are a failure. Failure is simply an action you took that failed to have the outcome you wanted. When you remove emotions from the equation, failure will have a less devastating effect on your self-esteem and ability to maintain a positive outlook.
Reframe Negative Thoughts for a Positive New Reality
“There’s no nice way to say this but if you are in a space of negative thinking about your situation you are creating your own block,” writes Psychic Morganna. “It is so sad when this happens as I know I am talking to people with good hearts that have just been hurt way too many times.”
A good place to start reframing your negative thoughts is to identify your beliefs about yourself and the world. Talking to an objective third party, such as a therapist, clairvoyant psychic, friend, or family member can help you understand how others see you. While you may not agree with everything they say, you may discover some insights into your thinking patterns that could surprise you. For example, they may be able to give you feedback regarding your positive or negative expectations, or how they’ve witnessed your beliefs influencing your behavior.
If you’d like to do some self-reflection on uncovering and overcoming negative thoughts and limiting beliefs, this quiz will help you identify and prioritize the areas most in need of attention.
By understanding the power of self-perception to shape your behavior and how other people react to you, you can leverage this self-perception to have a positive impact on yourself and those around you.
Turn Automatic No’s into Yes
If you find that you habitually say “No” to people and opportunities, the reality you create will be limited to the familiar, good or bad. If you want to create a positive new reality, you’ll need to turn your automatic “No’s” into “Yes!” Psychic Luke suggests we consider these questions when a habitual No creeps in and pulls us into negativity:
“What’s the worst that can happen?”
“Why in the world would we want to direct people to think about the worst possible thing that can happen?” he asks. “I’ve learned to replace the phrase with, “What’s the best that can happen?” See how much more positive that sounds!”
“As a teenager, I recall after doing something to upset my then girlfriend. I asked her “Why don’t we get together this weekend?” Upon hearing that question, she then proceeded to tell me all the reason we shouldn’t. Careful what you ask for, without thinking about it, I directed her to think of all the reasons of why not. And ironically, she was able to think of a lot of reasons “why not.” From the weather to money and anything else she could think of at the moment. The better question to ask is “Why should we get together…?” I learned my lesson!
“Hope is a four-letter word. I heard a young newlywed woman speaking to a woman married for 50 years say, “I hope our marriage lasts that long", and the response was, "Don’t hope… plan." There are things in life that are out of our control, and all we can do is hope for the best, but for those things we do have some control over, you want to take control over them, not just hope for change.“
Think about what you say, more importantly, think about what you think. Negative influences are hidden all over the place, be mindful of them, and seek to remove them.
Focus on What You Can Control
Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your emotions. Your behaviors. These are things you can control. What’s more, how you think, feel and behave might have a positive influence on others. Then again, it might not. Do your best to refrain from judgment and release the idea that you can control others.
When something bad or unexpected happens, your worries can easily spiral downward into negative thinking. To curtail negative thoughts, turn your attention to potential solutions. How can you fix the problem or right the wrong? Using your mental energy to resolve a situation puts you in control and forces negative thoughts from your mind.
However, if you’re suffering from anxiety over things you can’t control, please seek guidance. There’s no shame in seeking help from a support group or your doctor. You don’t have to live with constant anxiety.
Forgive and Let Go
When you hold onto past hurts or wear them like badges, you may see it as a sign of clarity and justification for whatever defenses you’ve put in place. But resentment also ties us to the past, and it allows negativity to color our present and seep into our future. If you’re holding onto past hurts, try listening to this guided meditation podcast on forgiveness by Psychic Neil.
The next time you feel slighted, take a moment to practice gratitude and compassion. Forgiveness is not just for others. You might suffer from negative thoughts if you feel as though you deserve them. In order to forgive others, you must learn how to forgive yourself. Instead of concentrating on your weaknesses or failures, look for the positive aspects of your personality, work ethic, and relationships. Treat yourself kindly just like you treat your friends and relatives.
It's human nature to take failure personally. But consider how these individuals reframed their failed attempts. Thomas Edison's first 10,000 attempts at inventing the electric light bulb failed. When a reporter asked him how he felt about failing 10,000 times, Edison responded by saying he had not failed 10,000 times but found 10,000 ways that did not work.
Walt Disney was told he couldn't draw and lacked imagination. In his lifetime he experienced bankruptcy, a mental health crisis, and loss of control over one of his characters, Oswald the Rabbit. Yet in reflecting on failure he said, “All the adversity I've had in my life, all the troubles and obstacles, have strengthened me. You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you."
Failure should not cause you to give up or limit your thinking. Whether it’s a new relationship, a career change, or attempting to make a dream a reality, it’s never a failure if we learn from it and use what we learn. Many entrepreneurs have firsthand experience of this lesson. Starting a business is trial and error. The first few attempts may fail, and there could be many reasons for this. Sometimes you just need to go back to the drawing board and try again.
Every experience, good or not so good, is a learning experience. Every personal relationship, regardless of how intimate it is or how long it lasts, is an opportunity for growth.
Here are a few more tips for reframing failure:
- Readjust Your Expectations. Having a goal is fantastic. Expecting to reach a goal without setbacks or without readjusting is unreasonable. In short, expect the unexpected, to lessen the impact when things don’t go as planned.
- Learn What We Could Have Done Differently. What we commonly call “failure” is part of the process, the steps if you will, to success. There can be no success without setbacks, it’s through the setbacks that we learn the keys to succeeding at anything. If we accept and embrace the challenges, then failure does not exist.
- Remain Persistent. “Failure” is a reaction. There is success or there is giving up. The reality is that there is no such thing as failure, there are only results we didn’t plan for. As long as we continue to readjust to the results we didn’t expect and continue seeking what our heart desires, then we are succeeding.
Accept that in the end, there will be dreams and goals you didn‘t have time to accomplish, but know you’ll be able to say it was quite an adventure, something those that gave up can never say.
How to Create Your Own <Positive> Reality
Negative thoughts occur to some people as soon as they wake up. Begin your day on a positive note, by staying still as soon as you wake up. Force yourself to find one thing to get excited about. It could be a favorite breakfast food or the chance to play with your kids. As you think about this one thing, allow yourself to smile as if no one were watching. Every time you pass a mirror, pause to smile into it. The act of an intentional smile contradicts negative thoughts and puts you in a joyful frame of mind.
Psychic Radha writes about how your body language affects your emotions in this article, When Life Sucks, Choose To Smile Back.
If you can start your day with meditation (any kind – a podcast, a walking meditation, a workout meditation, etc.), you can shortcut your mind’s wandering to negativity. Meditation can help you gain clarity and provide a much-needed break from racing thoughts.
Psychic Kya offers this early morning meditation:
The first thing you must do is to imagine that everything is energy. The air, the walls, the carpet, all of it is energy. Now you must realize in an energy meditation, that EVERYTHING IS energy. Every object we touch and feel, every emotion we have, all of it is some form of energy.
- Get comfortable. Wear loose fitted clothing and find a quiet corner to sit or stand. (I like to stay in my PJ's and do this before I shower and get dressed.)
- Begin by taking several deep relaxing breaths. Remember to inhale in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Feel your diaphragm and rib cage expand on the inhale and contract on the exhale.
- Close your eyes. Now visualize your room inside your mind. Begin to change each item you visualize into an energy particle. Make it glow like a green light and shoot it into your solar plexus, (stomach area). As you absorb each energy particle feel yourself become stronger and more energized.
- Next visualize your trees, grass, and flowers outside. See them as an ocean or sea of energy that flows into you. Feel this energy as vibration and feel your body begin to vibrate slightly.
- Continue to relax while your breath is steady. Now visualize a great big blue sky. Your blue sky is silky and electric. You dive into this sea of blue mist and float freely, as the blue sky flows into you. You absorb it completely. You feel electric. It's as if you just swallowed a lightning storm.
- Now there is nothing but endless black sky and stars. You are now the universe. You are folding into yourself. Folding many times as if folding a towel or sheet. Continue to fold the universe into yourself until you are a tiny bright speck of light.
- As a tiny bright speck of light you begin to grow. You grow big and bright and burst forth as rays of bright yellow light covering the planet. You are happy. You shine bright. You feel energized. You feel warm and loved.
- Hold this feeling as long as you can. You give energy to others around you. You are energy.
Remember, energy and intention flow to where you focus your attention. If you constantly think about bills, you’ll get more of them. On the flip side, if you focus on a more positive vibe, you’ll get more of that. Change your thoughts and change your life.
Here are some other strategies for dispelling negativity as you create your own reality.
Eliminate Negative Self-Talk with Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations strengthen your resolve and turn your self-talk toward the positive end of the spectrum. They can shut down negative self-talk that leads to procrastination on tasks that improve our lives, may cause a lack of sleep, and create insurmountable expectations of ourselves. Instead of thinking, "I'll never get this project done," you might replace it with a positive affirmation: "I have all the tools and resources I need to finish this project." Write down several affirmations that help you focus on the positives and always keep them with you.
The type of affirmations that people use in daily meditation, prayers or as part of visualization exercises will depend on what they want to achieve - happiness, love, prosperity, or career success. A good affirmation for developing self-esteem is, "It's OK to make mistakes. They are opportunities to learn."
In addition, the road to self-empowerment requires that you take time to focus on yourself by doing things that you love. Alone time can help you remember what matters most, whether you choose to spend the opportunity reading a book, taking photos during a nature walk or watching your favorite movie. With this approach, you'll gradually see an improvement in your mood that will benefit your overall outlook on life.
Clear Negative Energy From Your Home and Life
The environment in your home is the net result of past events. Arguments, illness, divorce, and even bringing a piece of second-hand furniture into your home can all cause negative energy to circulate around your living space. Follow these tips to cleanse your home of negativity. Incorporate power elements in your home to clear negative energy, practice feng shui, or try this Violet Flame meditation.
Next, assess other sources of toxic negativity. Are there negative people in your life who drain your energy? Are there old attachments holding you back? It’s time to set energetic boundaries and symbolically cut cords of attachment; Psychic Hayden shows you how. This podcast on removing negative people from your life, Cutting Cords with Toxic People, may also help.
Everyone can benefit from a healthy boundary check-up, especially if you tend to feel invaded by others. If you struggle with setting limits to protect your energy, you may enjoy this podcast on how to set energetic boundaries. And if you're an empath, you must learn to practice psychic self-defense.
By taking steps to clear negative energy from your home and life, you can create your own reality that resonates at a higher vibration.
Keeping the mind, body, and spirit free from negative energy is a conscious choice. Uplifted by a balance of mind, body, and spirit, we rise above more things than not as we create our own reality.
If you feel like you vacillate between negativity and positivity, you’re human! Can you use can use a little support in reframing your thoughts and creating your own reality just the way you want it to be? Our Psychics and intuitives have helped hundreds of clients change a negative mindset to live the life of their dreams.