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“A quiet dinner with you, something simple. The last thing I’d want is a party or anything like that.”
Now, even though Nathan specifically said he didn’t want a party, Deb set out to throw him a huge surprise party, telling a friend, “He may have said no party, but I know that’s just his way of saying he really wants one.”
Needless to say, Nathan wasn’t too happy when he came home to an apartment full of anxious guests yelling, “Surprise!” But he hid his disappointment. Later that night, after the cavalcade of friends left, Nathan asked Deb why she threw him a party when he specifically asked her not to. Feeling that he didn’t appreciate all that she did for him, she replied, “I go out of my way to do something nice for you and this is how you’re going to treat me? Why do I even bother? You’re so selfish!” Before he could reply, Deb was out the door.
Okay, so here’s what just happened:
First of all, guys aren’t into surprises the way women are, really! Why? Because guys tend to associate surprises with bad news: “You need a new transmission,” “Your dog died,” “You’re fired.” These are the kind of things that most men consider to be “surprises.”
Also, when a guy says something, he means what he says. There’s no need to get out the decoder ring to figure out what he really means, because he means what he says. Remember: guys don’t hint. So, when Nathan stated he didn’t want a party, he didn’t want a party.
However, Deb, like most women, is an abstract thinker. So what she heard Nathan say was: “I’m saying no, but if you really love me, then you’ll throw a party to show me how much you really care.”
See the difference? Deb thought she was being loving by throwing the party, and in many ways she was. But since most people usually love others the way they want to be loved, it seems Deb should have thrown the surprise party for herself—not Nathan.
So, the moral of the story: As a rule, most guys hate surprises. If a guy says what he wants or doesn’t want, he means it. When a woman believes she knows what a guy really means, well, then she’s probably in for a big surprise.
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