His Side of Things: Psychic Arthur on Avoiding Ugly Arguments
Sunday, December 02, 2012
It’s best to let the emotions settle
Previously we explored an argument between Keesha and Angelo, which I’d like to take one step further.
Keesha is getting frustrated with Angelo’s behavior. She wants to talk to him about how she feels he has become distant since he started his new job. Later that night, just as they sit down to dinner, she tells him: “We need to talk. Ever since you started that new job you’ve been making feel like you don’t want me around anymore. Why are you doing this to me?” Surprised, he replies: “I don’t know.” A frustrated Keesha continues: “What do you mean, you don’t know? Do you want to continue this relationship or not? Do you know how you are making me feel? What do you have to say?” Angelo sighs: “Look, I said I don’t know.” At this point Keesha starts demanding answers. Angelo says he does not want to talk about things, but Keesha still hammers away. Angered and frustrated Angelo starts shouting back with some ugly responses, leaving Keesha speechless and in tears. He walks out saying: “I’ve had it. We’re done.”
Okay, here’s just what happened:
As explained before, when a guy is asked questions and replies: “I don’t know” he is not playing games; he genuinely does not have an answer and is telling the truth. To a guy, “I don’t know” means, “I have to think about it/that.” Once he walks away and think things over, will he have an answer. To interrogate him further saying, “What do you mean, you don’t know,” only sets him up to perceive that he is being scolded, shamed and/or told: “You are wrong. I am right. You are lying to me.”
Now, when men argue they genuinely get to a point where they need to stop and “go to their respective corners” to cool down.
Now, if a guy asks a gal to stop “hammering him” and she refuses, he will feel like his back is to the wall. In survival mode he will “come out swinging,” but instead of fists it will be words that usually tend to be hurtful and ugly. Does he mean what he is saying in anger? For the most part, no, he does not. This is his way of stopping her cold. He will then walk away.
So, the moral of the story: If a guy asks a woman to stop interrogating him during an argument, and she continues and does not allow him to walk away, most guys go into survival mode, saying something so the woman will stop. To keep this from happening, before an argument gets out of hand, it’s best to just stop and let the anger subside. Note: When people argue they use emotions, which means they are emoting. While emoting there cannot be any kind of logical dialogue or conversation. It’s best to let the emotions settle and then continue with a constructive conversation at a later time.
by Arthur x8237