You won't find closure until you make that decision for yourself.
Why’s that? Simple: lack of closure.
According to Merriam-Webster, clo•sure (noun\'klo-zh?r\) is defined as:
With this in mind, closure is not something that you get from an ex. Closure is something that you give to yourself. Closure is when you make peace with yourself by gathering the strength to give yourself permission to close the door and move on. Closure belongs to you. It’s your choice.
Many times people say: “If I could only talk with my ex one more time, then I know I’ll get the closure I need.” In reality, that seldom works. Waiting to get closure from an ex simply means that they still have control over you. So, let me repeat: Closure belongs to you. It’s your choice.
Another reason closure can be so difficult to achieve is because, in addition to letting go of the past, closure also means letting go of the future. Or better yet, letting go of the perceived future you believed you were going to have with that ex.
In a relationship, most people project what their future life is going to be like; from how eternally happy they’re going to be with this person, to where they’ll live to, even how many children they’ll have. When a break up occurs, that projected future is still out there hovering, leaving the inner child to wonder: “So, are we there yet? When are we going to start all those wonderful things you’ve been planning? You promised. Are we there yet?”
Realizing that the projected future (which we can call “fantasy”) is not going to happen is disappointing. However, the sooner you can accept the reality of the situation, and see the past and the perceived future for what they really are, the sooner you allow yourself to close the door and move on.
In my next article, Closure, Part II: The Letter, I’ll be sharing a tool that helps with the process of closure, while allowing for the healing to begin.
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